June 2024 Newsletter – A Leaping Life Lesson Learned

Wednesday evening at volleyball league certainly felt like a curse from the sand monsters as they pulled me down into the bowels of Four Lakes.  On this day, my feet felt like they were stuck in quicksand as I hit almost every ball into the net.  As an experienced player, this was totally uncharacteristic of me.  I was not only embarrassed but also found myself losing my confidence as a hitter.  It was as if I was afraid to contact the ball for fear of being rejected by the Big Bad Net. What made matters worse was that I was subbing for a team that was relying on me to come through for them, and instead I felt like a burden pulling the team down with me as I slowly sank.  What was happening to me?

As a life coach, I am always looking for the good in every situation, and while this initially seemed like a futile effort, I was eventually able to find it.  I turned this abysmal experience into a life lesson on the importance of self-evaluations.  Two summers ago, I published an article on Linked In on this very topic - The Power of Self-Evaluations – 3 Questions in Self-Mastery | LinkedIn.  While my focus at the time of writing that article was work-related, the principles apply to any area of our lives.  And for me, volleyball is no exception.  In the article, I identified the three questions that we need to ask at the conclusion of our project or performance:  #1. How did I show up?  #2. How did I respond to challenges? #3. What can I do (and think) differently the next time?  

Using this sequence of questioning, I was able to break down my volleyball performance that night.  I was able to gain critical insight into the results that I produced as well as gather new information to help me the next time I step onto the court.  In this newsletter I will walk you through my personal self-evaluation process and identify the valuable insights that I gleaned from doing so. 

#1 - How Did I Show Up?

As I reflect back on the three games I played, my response to this question shed much light on the matter.  Having played six games the night before at my regular league play, I had showed up with sore legs which severely affected my ability to jump. In addition to being physically sore, I also realized that my diet and eating schedule was off that week.  A less than healthy diet of bratwurst and Costco pizza (who can resist $1.99 slices?) had caused me to show up with much less energy to kickstart my already impaired legs. 

I also evaluated by mental preparation.  Playing as a sub this night, I was surrounded by many unfamiliar faces and did not feel that sense of connection with my new team as I did my regular team before stepping on the court.  Instead, I felt disconnected, and that feeling was compounded once I made my first hitting error on the court.  So, both physically and mentally, I had put myself at a big disadvantage before even picking up the ball.   Furthermore, I was feeling sluggish from squeezing in a nap immediately before the game which proved to only make matters worse.  So, energetically, I was off as well.    

#2 - How Did I Respond to Challenges?

Looking back, I identified external challenges throughout the game, including an intense and constantly changing wind, which caused havoc for all of us.  I seemed to adjust well to this external factor, however it was the physical challenges that I struggled most with and would ultimately create mental difficulties.  After my first mistake, I began to play points against myself and put myself “down one.”  After the second error, I was “down two.”  This pattern continued in my mind, and it seemed so hard to find a personal win to get me back on track. 

Although I felt like I was losing in the hitting category, which made me want to hit safe shots, I never felt like I wanted to admit defeat.  I was able to stay present and help my teammates with my defense and going on small serving runs.   So, in reality, I had my share of small wins that night, even though I could not recognize them at the time.  And it was those small wins that would eventually help my team win the match.  For more on finding small wins, check out the following article: Finding Small Wins in Your Work Battle – 3 Ways to Change Your State | LinkedIn

#3 - What Can I Do (and Think) Differently the Next Time?

Certainly, the next time I am asked to play on short rest, I will be more cognizant of my physical condition before committing.  In this case, because volleyball is such a physically demanding sport, I might prepare the captain that I do not perform well with less than one day of rest and give them the option to find an alternate player.  In the event I am still needed, I could still play.  However, I could also use this as an opportunity to connect with my team through dialogue before the game.  I might prepare them by letting them know I do not typically play well under these circumstances and mention specifically those areas with which I might struggle.  This will give them some notice and also take some of the self-imposed pressure off of myself to carry the team.  Also, as I am playing, I can make a habit of talking to the team and making any adjustments as necessary if I am not in sync.  

Finally, and most importantly, I can see this as an opportunity to continue to master my own thoughts.  I can validate myself by reminding myself that I am not defined by a single performance.  I can be intentional about mentally preparing myself, even if I am not at my peak physically.  I can appreciate every opportunity and work to get myself better in some way, one match at a time.

What is an area of your life where a self-evaluation might be needed?  Where might a “lessons learned” approach serve you well?

As you apply this same method of self-evaluation in an objective way, recognize that you are taking a major step forward in self-mastery.  I have mentioned in previous articles that self-mastery is not about achieving perfection, rather it is operating at your highest level of consciousness.  It is about managing your thoughts when the circumstances are seemingly unmanageable.   The more that you can continue to work on yourself though self-evaluations, the more you are leaping into new and higher levels of yourself.

Ryan Walter, ACC, PE

Follow me @ Rethinkwildly.com

I am a certified professional life coach and professional engineer and help professionals navigate the human challenges of work.  My mission is to help people get unstuck in their personal and professional lives.  Some of the areas that I coach people on include work fulfillment, life purpose, work-life balance, personal boundaries, assertiveness, and relational conflict.

If you would like to learn more about the benefits of life coaching or would like to see how it works first-hand, please reach out to me to schedule a free consultation.  You can also schedule a session in my booking calendar for a time that works for you. Free Consultation Call - ReThink Wildly