Just Be Kind

Introduction

2023 is wrapping up, and what a year it has been! As we head into the holiday season this year, I am feeling tremendous gratitude for all the amazing people in my life, and for the opportunities I have been given to learn and grow, both personally and professionally. I am also reminded that the holidays are often difficult for those who have experienced loss, and for those who may not have friends and family to celebrate with. No matter how we choose to spend our holiday this year, let's try to look for opportunities to give back and support those in our lives who may need a little extra help!

Celebrate YOU!

Be kind to yourself. They say that charity starts at home, and I would take that a step further to say that it starts with YOU. We are our own worst critics, and it is all too common for us to focus on what we don't know, didn't finish, didn't start, didn't do correctly...you get the idea. While there is value in being self-aware and open to improving ourselves, this is not where we should be starting from. For a fresh perspective, try this instead. Focus more on what you do know and have accomplished, allowing yourself the time and space to truly feel that connection. In other words, you should like and respect yourself and know that you are "enough", regardless of where you are on your journey.

We often struggle with this concept, as many of us have basically been programmed to criticize ourselves instead of loving and respecting ourselves. Think about it. If you were struggling at some point in life and needed the support of family, friends, or a mentor, would you not want to connect with someone who is happy, confident, and kind? I know I would! It's ok to practice selfcare, it is not selfish, and it actually better prepares you to give back to those in your life in need. So yes, take care of yourself and focus on you, it's OK!

Lend a hand, or just an ear!

Sometimes we want to help, and that is a great place to start. But what does help look like? Well, that depends! We often want to help by offering advice or trying to fix whatever may be troubling someone, and that is not always the type of support they need or want. There is no formula here, the best we can do is lead with curiosity and empathy and listen more than we speak.

Surprisingly, often those who need our support may only need someone to listen to them, that's it! You don't have to fix the problem or offer advice, simply be present (phone down, lol) and show them that they matter, and that you care. I myself was a "fixer" for a long time. I eventually learned that even though I cared and was doing what I thought was kind and helpful, it was not always received that way. By trying to fix or take control of the other persons situation, you may unintentionally be sending the wrong message. Some examples of how taking action instead of just listening can be interpreted by those we are trying to help:

"I didn't want you to do that, I just wanted you to listen and provide some insight. I could have managed the situation myself."

"I didn't ask for advice; I was simply frustrated and wanted a safe space where I could let off some steam."

"Are you even listening? Sometimes it feels like you just want to save me, but I don't actually want to be saved!"

This is not meant to deter you from following your gut and instinctively lending a hand when it is needed. My intent is simply to encourage us all to be more present, slow down, and think twice before you take action, as no action is sometimes the best choice.

After the holidays...

As the new year quickly approaches, I'm sure that some if not most of us are eager for new beginnings, a fresh start to 2024! I love the enthusiasm, but I would temper that with patience and humility. Are we setting realistic goals? Are we striving to be who we want to be, or who we think others want us to be? Are our goals best suited for us and our individual needs?

So yes, although the holidays can be a time to slow down and reflect, I say that we should start the new year in a similar manner. Sure, we can be hopeful and enthusiastic (probably should be!), but we can also take a little extra time to be more intentional with our words and actions, it could make all the difference.

Just be kind 😊