Just 'let go' those people you love

When you meet someone you fall for and build a relationship over a period of months or years, only to part ways, the damage done can haunt you for years — even decades — to come. People are the most important aspects of anyone's life because people have the ability to change us in ways nothing else can. The right person can turn hell into heaven, and the wrong person, heaven into hell. Sometimes we find that the very same individual is capable of both. Relationships that start off great often end in tears of despair. It's not something that one can often predict during the onset of a relationship; it almost always catches us entirely by surprise.

You build a vision of your future together in your mind. You create hopes, dreams and you build anticipation. You create a reality that revolves around your relationship and when that possible future becomes an impossibility, you crumble along with the future you hoped to see. Letting go of someone who meant so much to you, who changed the person you are in a drastic way, is incredibly difficult — there's no way of sugarcoating it; it sucks. Letting that person go, however, is possible.

More than that, it's necessary in order for you to get your life back on track.Take all the time you need. I'm not going to sit here and tell you that “time heals all wounds” — because that's nonsense. Sure, time heals many wounds. Most wounds even, but not all wounds. Some wounds stand the test of time better than any of the remaining wonders of the world. Some wounds are so deep that the only way time can remove them is by removing you along with them.

On the other hand, we sometimes find that time is enough. Sometimes time shows us that the feelings we felt were only to be felt in passing — as we passed on by and on to the next individual we love. That's why you have to give time a chance. Even if it doesn't do the trick of healing all your wounds, it will most certainly numb the pain. It will turn those vivid memories into blurry renditions. This may not solve your problem of letting that past lover go, but it will make it a whole lot easier for you to do so. It will get easier with time. Once it does, you can try one of the following suggestions.

Don't hop into bed with the first person you see; sex doesn't help with heartbreak — I can promise you that. But what I've come to realize is that allowing yourself to fall in love with other people can go a long ways to your recovery. “Just fall in love with someone new, you say? How easy!” I'm not telling you to go out there and find the new love of your life — it was surely hard enough the first time around. What you can do, however, is allow yourself to fall in love in the shallowest of senses.

Don't try to fall in love with an entire person, fall in love with bits and pieces. Allow your mind to wander and your imagination to draw conclusions that almost certainly don't exist. When people fall in love initially, it isn't the deep sort of love that most of us search for — we may believe it to be, but that is why most of us become disillusioned over time. When we initially fall in love, it's a very shallow form of love. It's the most romantic kind of love as it is based on minimal information about the person in question — we take what little information we know and we act as if that's the only information we need to know.

Of course, once you find out more information about the person you've fallen for, you'll surely snap out of it. Nevertheless, falling for someone on even the shallowest of levels reminds you that you are capable of loving again. Think of it as a small step on a long journey. Make it clear to yourself why you had to part ways. Have you ever had to stop yourself and rethink why exactly it was that you and this particular individual decided to call it quits? You're not alone. As time passes, our minds wander into the past, recollecting past pleasant memories and emotions. We transport ourselves into a time of deep love and passion — something very dangerous as your goal is to let that individual go and allow yourself to move on with your life.

Every time a pleasant thought or memory of that individual and the life you once had enters your mind, counter with a negative thought or memory. Love exists in your mind and because it does, you can learn to have better control of it. You may not be able to choose who you fall in love with and don't fall in love with, but you can pair up an individual with enough negative feelings to naturally ward yourself off them. Even if you can't convince yourself to hate this person, reminding yourself regularly of why you had to call it quits can make your life a whole lot easier.

Make it clear to yourself why you need to let this person go completely. Sometimes relationships can be saved and passions rekindled. And sometimes we know that when something is over, it needs to remain over. It's one thing to understand why you and he or she broke up and it's another to understand why you and he or she must remain broken up. Again, you have to be careful with allowing your emotions to run loose — emotions are complex and often deceiving, pulling you away from reality. Take a step back, take a deep breath, clear your head, and reason with yourself as to why you need to continue moving on with your life.

You need to remain clear on your intentions and reasoning because if you don't those emotions will catch up with you, and you'll end up doing something that you'll later regret. Take the time to imagine the perfect person and then point out which areas your past lover falls short. This is something I believe too few people ever bother to bother with. We all hope — expect even — that we will one day find the man or woman of our dreams. My question is: How will you know you've found love when you have no idea what would make up the man or woman of your dreams?

We all know that no one is perfect, but that doesn't mean we can't outline the characteristics we admire in a partner. Sure, you may never find someone who fits your criteria exactly, but that doesn't matter. Your perfect partner is more of a guideline than a set of requirements — a guideline that you should use to compare potential suitors. Whether they fall short or not doesn't matter because in the end you still get the last say in the matter (well, you and whomever you're courting).

What this guideline is also often good for is helping you understand how far off the mark your last love was. It can help put things in better perspective for you. Find the love of your life. I understand that you believe that the last person you were in love with was the love of your life and that you don't believe you will find another — if you didn't then you probably wouldn't have read this far — but I'm here to tell you that as soon as you meet the real love of your life, the last one will become overshadowed. This isn't to say that you'll forget that love entirely, but your new love will make the last one diminish in intensity. You may still think about this person occasionally — if it were a deep love, it likely influenced you tremendously — but you won't be yearning for this person in particular.

Love is like a drug… it doesn't matter who's supplying, as long as the supply is good. A new love drowns out the last. This isn't to say that you'll entirely stop loving him or her. I believe that there are some people we never stop loving because they've become a part of us. You will, though, stop loving them romantically. And as far as intense emotions and obsessions goes, that's enough. Sometimes in our darkest days, nothing will act as a light. Not friends. Not family. Not music. Not success. We all need to find that switch, that flicker of light, that sparks something within us letting us know that we deserve better. The switch is waiting. And I know you want to turn that light on. Do it. But you know sometimes you have to yank the bandage right off because trust me there are much much much better people , things and journeys in future than there were in your past.

And now just think bout it - this day ,you have survived your entire life up until this point. You have survived traumas , devastation, remember that time you almost broke. Your track record for getting through bad days so far is 100% and that is pretty good. Sometimes you just have let go of things that make you suffer and concentrate on what you deserve.Because life is all about how graciously you let go of things that weren't meant for you.

And trust me someday these sufferings and heartbreaks are going to be worth it. You are gonna look back and thank god that it didn't work out because you are very perfect I mean God doesn't make any mistakes , does he ?. Whether it hurt you or makes you happy , things always happen for a reason, you just have to learn to deal with it.I know it hurts sometimes when you tried so hard to make it work and it didn't. But trust me there's a meaning behind everything, whether its the right time with the wrong person or the wrong time with the right person, eventually things will fall into place and you will be happy.

Concentrate on making your life count, do things you love, improve, make some one else's day with your smile( trust me world need more of that.And when you start doing things you like, you will eventually find that perfect person. Don't let anyone dull your sparkle . Life is a gift and love it and it will love you right back. So what if you lost this time , life isn't over. You control what you feel, get a damn in grip you awesome piece of art.

This is a highly complicated situation and the solution will not be easy to implement. But first and foremost, you have to believe truly and deeply that you want this resolved and you want to move forward. Not even in the farthest corner of your heart should any unreasonable wish and hope linger. Get that flushed out. First. Recollect all the things you have talked about. Recollect what she has told you about her relationships. Put on your thinking cap and analyse her relationship pattern. See where you fit in it all. From your description, my very calculated guess is that she loves you like a friend, nothing more, nothing less. I know that exactly - it's the same way I love my besties from school, and it's nothing like the love I feel for my boyfriend and vice versa.

Think of your future, your priorities in life. Most of all, make an extremely calculate guess of where a probable relationship with her will go - what it will look like in 5 years, 10 years, 20 years (there's no excuse to not thinking long term if you are in college and wish to lead a sensible, fulfilling life without unnecessary trauma) and see if you like the picture. Your relationships are very important, but so is your career and self-development. So are your relationships beyond your partner. So are the prospect of having one's own family- you might not be into having kids, she might be; you both might not be into having kids right now, maybe either or both of you would feel so a few years later. Keep the flexibility but use the lens of the future to make decisions today.

Understand that this is your heart and possibly your hormones talking. Call me unromantic, but you cannot lead a successful, prosperous and genuine life lead by them alone. You need to use your brains, and your logic. You need to understand that you will change, and change so much that you will not connect with your own self from some point in the past. Recognize this dynamism and make sure your decisions don't make you wonder "what the hell was I thinking?" after you crash. If you know you have thought logically while taking a decision, you have less to fret about when you fail.

Get busy. There is more to life. You are in college, you have a whole career to build, a whole you to build. Step into something that will make you struggle, that will frustrate you so much that you will forget this. You are young. Slog till you are dead tired, face some unfair treatment, strive for growth, and keep goals people will laugh about. Most of all, be dead serious about all this. That will keep you from thinking about this friend of yours and help you move on.

Don't do a lot for her. Don't go out of your way. Be cordial, polite and understanding, but keep your distance. She is just one person, one out of many more you are gonna meet down the road. Don't let her block your view. Be the good person you are to her just as you are to others, and concentrate on building other relationships - connect better to some cousin you never really talked to, find a mentor, make some new friends, meet up with an old teacher, enquire about your neighbours, or indulge in some gossip with your granny. You may or may not have these specific people, but you get the point. Each of them will appreciate your approaching them. Cheers!