Labels we give ourselves... and others

I am a mother…

I am a runner…

I am a proficient home cook…

I am NOT the life of the party

I am an MBA graduate…

I am interested in fashion…

I am a C-suite executive…

I am an introvert…

I am a cancer survivor…

I am conscientious…

I am a wife…

I am a traveller…

I am driven…

These are just some of the labels I give myself. 

I am also a commercial cleaner. I clean school toilets, I clean office kitchens, I squeegee glass. I scrub floors. I also lead the business I own together with my husband. I am the Chief Operating Officer.

Some time ago I was at a client site and I overheard a conversation between a teacher and a student. It was after school and I was cleaning chairs in a big open learning area, where a few people had gathered for some after school study activities.

They were studying the story of Billy Elliot and they were talking about the themes and the perspectives of the different characters.

Class and poverty was one of the central topics and the teacher was explaining how the father in the story, Jackie Elliot, struggled against Billy’s ambition’s to dance because of his class and life experience.

As the discussion evolved, I sensed a moment of discomfort in the teacher, as he paused and noticed me. He noticed the presence of a cleaner, while he was discussing the working class in a private school which wouldn’t be accessible to working class people.

When I put on my uniform and go out to work, most people see just one of my identities. They see me as a cleaner. And perhaps without hesitation, or malice, they may form many other perceptions or beliefs about me, based on the fact I’m in the process of cleaning.

Prejudice is a burden that confuses the past, threatens the future and renders the present inaccessible.

Maya Angelou

I don’t blame them. We all do this every day. We meet people, we interact with people and we give each other labels. The labels given to us by others may bring us pride and joy, or may sometimes feel misplaced or even mean. The same goes for the labels we give ourselves; we’re not always kind in our self-descriptions.

The labels we are given by others, and even those we give ourselves only go some way to describing the full person we are. But it’s impossible for someone to see and understand everything about another person, let alone conceptualise those many labels into a single identity.

In daily life we never understand each other, neither complete clairvoyance nor complete confessional exists. We know each other approximately, by external signs… 

E.M. Forster

Of course, the ideas in this blog aren't new. They’ve been conceptualised by academics in theories including  The Johari Window, created by Joseph Luft and Harrington Ingham. They’re seen in popular culture, including in the tear-jerking Dart scene from Ted Lasso on Apple TV. And of course these ideas have been contemplated in multitudes of quotable quotes by writers and thinkers, such as the ones I’ve included in this post..

How well do we actually know ourselves? Can we dare to say that we really know someone, like really, really know them?

Nico J. Genes

On the first anniversary of buying a business that was completely new to me, these thoughts feel very relevant. A year ago and in what now seems like a blink of an eye, I was transported to an industry where I knew nobody, had little experience and where many people who I interact with have lives and experiences quite different to my own. 

So in the past year there have been many moments, like that one in the school I, when I felt someone was sizing me up. Of course that’s my own guess about another person's thoughts which may on many occasions be completely off the mark. But I have also spent the past year getting to know the people around… my colleagues, my clients, my suppliers and even my competitors.

And having just rewatched that fantastic Darts scene from Ted Lasso last night, today I remind myself that getting to know people is a constant journey, which should always be approached with curiosity and a lack of judgement. 

The labels we give ourselves, and those given to others are incomplete and should be held lightly, so that we may always have the opportunity to increase our understanding without prejudice.