LAUNCH DAY!

It's really here! LAUNCH DAY! 

Today, Less Stress, More Calm: Discover Your Stress Personality and Make It Your Superpower is officially released!

 Happy birthday to my first book!

 Today, I'll spend the day OFF the Internet as much as possible. Yes, you read that right. The lead up to today has been a mixture of excitement, planning and preparation, anxiety, and sheer terror. I wrote this newsletter yesterday, and planned all of my social media posts and scheduled those as well. I'd rather not be DOING today, but rather BEING: just sitting in the moment and receiving alllll the emotions (and there will be many). Having your words out in the world for others to judge can be a scary thing…but that fear is trumped in spades by the hope that at least one person will resonate with something in the book and make meaningful change in their life. So, today I'll just sit back, celebrate, pray, and process.

 For those who haven't read up on the book yet, it's about the science behind "stress personalities" - the unique ways in which we're wired to show up (and recover from) negative stress based on years of research and consulting in this space. The book is written more or less in a “choose your own adventure” style of reading, with the meat of the book broken down into 8 chapters for each of the stress personalities. Each one breaks down the science, some exercises to get to know this stress personality, and tips and strategies to better manage it. So, you read which chapters you want to read; or read it front to back, I don't care! Your journey, not mine.

 Writing this book really was a labor of love (I'm not gonna lie, it was really hard to write this book, create a LinkedIn Learning course, run a company, raise a family, and generally maintain a social life at the same time…oh and did I mention we renovated, moved and sold a house in the middle of it? Good times). My stress personality was tested time and again! But, it was all a blessing…all the stress along the way.

 I'm truly thankful and overwhelmed by all of the support in this writing adventure: whether you're family, a colleague, or a supportive stranger…thank you.

 To celebrate today, I'm going to introduce to you (very briefly) the 8 different stress personalities you'd find in the book and offer 1 tip to better manage each.

 Here we go!

SP#1: The Fighter

High level: You run toward stress, not away…but you don't always handle it in the best ways! You might get irritated, blame others, lash out, act before thinking, rage, and/or feel your stress in a very high, negative energy kinda way (blood rushing, “seeing red,” etc.).

Tip: Try movement…when you feel stressed, get up and shake off, dance, walk, etc. Movement will help close that stress cycle and bring you back to a more responsive state.

SP#2: The Runner (hi, this is me)

High level: You run away from stress, not toward it…you push off, procrastinate, avoid, retreat, etc. You shy away from confronting your stress (or the people causing it); you prefer sticking your head in the sand.

 Tip: Try baby steps…in the direction of naming your emotion, completing one small task, sharing one small feeling or thought with another, etc. How can you break down your overwhelm, anxiety, to-do list, etc. into more manageable steps? Whatever baby step you choose to take, take it slow and build courage and momentum.

SP#3: The Worrier

High level: You run toward stress, but you don't get very far! You get stuck in overthinking, over analysis, rumination, fear, uncertainty…and you have difficultly staying present and/or executing on decisions because of it.

Tip: Try a worry journal. Write down what's got you stuck, and make sure it's dedicated time that you honor. Research shows that worry journals help reduce frequency and intensity of worry.

SP#4: The Freezer

High level: What stress, amiright?! Kidding (but seriously). Freezers either become paralyzed with inaction and/or self-identify because they lose all energy and desire to face their stress (aka, freeze mentally/physically), OR they compartmentalize to the point where they stuff emotion and don't face their challenges (aka, freeze emotionally). Both of these patterns lead to numbness, indifference, burnout, etc.

Tip: Try an emotions journal. Tracking our emotions both in the moment and reflectively helps us build a better emotional vocabulary and start to identify our emotions in moments of stress. This, in turn, helps us stop stuffing the stress, and start taking meaningful action instead.

SP#5: The Negative Self-Talker

High level: This one kind of explains itself - you attack YOU when you're stressed. Unlike a Fighter, you are the main culprit in your own stress journey. You don't focus on behaviors as much as innate ability or worthiness. You have a lot of trouble climbing out of this negative space.

Tip: Try reaching out to a VIP in your life and asking them to help you process your negative self-talk in a moment of stress. The right person will not just be your “hype man” (or woman), but will help you objectively see a stressful situation and not let insecurities cloud your view of what's really wrong (and right). Remember, when you pluck a flower from its bush, it is bright and wonderful only for a moment before it starts to wither away…we NEED to be rooted in our larger circle of community, friends, therapist, etc. So, find the courage to share how you feel with someone.

SP#6: The Distracted

High level: This stress personality is more cognitive/mental than emotional in his/her experience of stress. This person is very easily distracted, has a head full of noise, has trouble staying organized or getting started, struggles to prioritize their time or energy, and so on.

Tip: Try rearranging your calendar and better managing your energy. Take a long, hard look at how you manage your day. Where can you find more moments of recovery, block heads down time, plan for the day, eat and exercise, etc.? (P.S. This one is pertinent for ALL stress personalities but especially helpful for this one).

SP#7: The Pleaser

High level: This stress personality is all about making sure others don't feel stressed or unheard or undervalued…except it can often be at the expense of their very own needs. The Pleaser doesn't fight, flee, or freeze, but appeases…they often seek to squash a stressor/threat…quickly…but mostly out of a desire to prove him or herself, feel valued or worthy, not upset anyone, etc. Boundaries are a tough thing for this person. 

Tip: Try making a list of non-negotiable boundaries - where are you NOT willing to compromise, no matter what? Then ask yourself: do I ever compromise here anyway? What's the impact? Any finally - what's one sentence I can use to hold a boundary in this space? (From there, create other boundaries. And, in case you didn't know this already, you are way too valuable to us not to have boundaries for yourself).

SP#8: The Thriver

High level: This stress personality is resilience in a nutshell. They respond, not react to stress; they are self-aware; they are able to process negative emotions in the moment and have solid recovery strategies to move through negative stress. They see many stressors as opportunities, not barriers, where others don't. They aren't absent of a stress personality - they're highly aware of it and have strong control over it. They are also not devoid of stress (but likely have reduced a lot of unnecessary negative stress in life due to their positive habits and boundaries).

Tip: You're good! No need to improve!….kidding. We all need support! Thrivers can often be the go-to for the rest of us and can easily become the one who helps others at the expense of their own well-being. So, friendly reminder to Thrivers to keep holding those boundaries, building recovery into your days, and making sure you manage your calendar and energy effectively. 

Final Thoughts

I hope this quick list helped! Remember, don't box yourself in: likely, you're 1-3 of these!

If you haven't read my previous newsletter which gave some additional tips on building resilience, I highly suggest you go back and read it. Here's a link.

One more thing…?

I hope you consider buying the book! And if you already did, I have one BIG HONKIN' FAVOR to ask you? Amazon and B&N reviews are very, very important to ratings and the chance to see the book on a real-life book shelf. Would you mind taking a moment to review it once you've read it? Link to review on Amazon is here, and to review on B&N is here. You can also review on Goodreads and Google Books.