Lead Your Culture with Respect

Ask any leader, “How are you?” and nine times out of ten they’ll say, “busy as heck.” They’re running from meeting to meeting, call to call, and email to text, with little time for chit chat or what are quaintly known as “the niceties.” Sometimes they’ll even skip the universal “How are you?” question before getting down to work. Given the pace of business these days, this is understandable.

But research indicates that even a momentary period of personable talk or banter before a meeting or training session can have a positive impact on mood and morale. The same can be said for consistently treating others with respect and civility. In fact, Findings from surveys conducted by the Energy Project indicate that, “Employees who felt their leaders treated them with respect were…

·         63% more satisfied with their jobs

·         55% more engaged

·         58% more focused, and

·         110% more likely to stay with their organization.”

In short, respect works wonders.

If you think about it for even just one moment, you’ll realize that everyone wants to be treated with respect regardless of who they are or their status. This is supported by recent neuroscience that indicates that feeling respected and disrespected are the result of very primal, existentially focused brain activities that result from identifying and addressing threats than they do higher level thinking and rational consideration. Respect and disrespect are feelings, and when leaders and culture creators deliberately build an “actively respectful culture” in their organizations, they increase the likelihood that employees and managers will feel respected, respect others in turn, and see increases not only in morale, but in many key performance metrics like productivity, partnership, and customer satisfaction.

So, how do respectful leaders know what behaviors their colleagues and employees consider to be respectful? First, they shouldn’t assume that everyone wants their leaders to operate based the Golden Rule: do unto others as you’d have them do unto you.

The fact is, not everyone wants to be treated the same way. Some of us like to exchange pleasantries before a meeting, while others prefer to jump right in. Similarly, some prefer that their leaders and colleagues communicate informally and focus on creating a human connection before getting down to business. Whereas others prefer to communicate more formally, sharing facts and data while eschewing emotions.

The key is in learning what others consider to be respectful and then adapting behavior to suit. This is where the Platinum Rule comes in. Coined by Dr. Tony Alessandra in the book of the same name, the Platinum Rule states, do unto others as they would have you do unto them.

To start learning about what others consider respectful, we encourage leaders to turn on their emotional intelligence “switch.” In other words, whenever you’re with others, take a moment read the room intentionally and get a sense of how people are feeling. For example, if you’ve ever arrived late to a meeting and noticed as you walked through the door that the group seems unusually tense and serious – even though no one has said a word - then that means your EI (or EQ) switch was turned on at that time. Keep it turned on, always, you won’t regret it.

Another way to learn about what others consider respectful is to simply ask them! If you’re about to begin a meeting with someone you’ve just met, they’ll feel respected if you ask them how to pronounce their name or how they’d prefer to be addressed. It’s highly likely that because respect is reciprocal, they’ll return the consideration.

Leaders and culture creators can also build respect by being open and honest with others, even when things aren’t looking good. Few people want their bosses to sugarcoat bad news. Instead, they want to be told what’s going on in a straightforward manner without a lot of dancing around or corporate-speak that masks reality. Of course, you don’t have to reveal company secrets or predict the end of the world, but giving your honest assessment of a situation and how people will be impacted by it is perceived by most to be respectful.

Lastly, if you’re a leader and you behave in a way that others consider to be disrespectful, own it and apologize. Few things are considered more disrespectful than when a boss or colleague insults or belittles someone and then denies that it happened or minimalizes it. Instead, once you’ve realized that you’ve been disrespectful, or someone’s brought it to your attention, try making a “full apology.” Take the person you offended aside, own your behavior and that you know it was disrespectful, make no excuses, genuinely apologize, and offer to make amends. Interestingly, when leaders sincerely and fully apologize for their mistakes, respect for them usually increases.

Leaders can build morale by treating colleagues with respect; just as they can tank it by being disrespectful. By choosing to turn on their emotional intelligence switch, keeping the Platinum Rule in mind, and offering a full apology for disrespectful behavior, leaders and culture creators are highly likely to keep morale up, retain their best and brightest while contributing to an overall culture of respect.

by Gregg Ward - Founder, The Center for Respectful Leadership

Originally published by CultureCon , Sept 2024