The leadership laboratory of my childhood home

Had she lived, today would have been Janice Conner’s 88th birthday. Keeping track of my Mama’s age was always simple for me. Since I was born on her 28th birthday, all I ever had to remember was to add 28 to my age.

In recent years, when conversations turn to family histories and childhood experiences, I’ve begun telling friends, old and new, “Even if you never knew Ralph Conner, if you get to know me, you know about 90% of who he was.” While that may be an exaggeration, it is only a slight one.

Much of my passion for the principles and exercise of leadership, however, lies in that 10% or so of my Mama in me. Here are some of the leadership principles I saw in her.

Leaders serve. My family was a faithful, church-going family. There was never a weekly conversation about whether or not we were going to church on Sunday morning. It was understood. One reason for that understanding was that my parents served in our local church.

While I don’t remember exactly how many years she did it, my Mama led the music at Westside Baptist Church in Charlotte. She did not have any formal training to do it, but when Mr. Dodgens had to give up the role due to failing health that came with his age, my Mama assumed the responsibility at the request of others in the church.

Long before that role of service, my Mama also served as Westside’s church clerk. Part of my enduring curiosity about the histories of local churches comes from the reality that the repository for Westside’s history was kept in our home. And on occasion, I’d take those oversized, hardbound journals from the shelf and read through them.

Now serving in a State Convention role with NC Baptists, data gathered through the Annual Church Profile, commonly referred to in Baptist life as the ACP, is vital to me and my work. Every mention of the ACP brings back visions of my Mama sitting at our kitchen table every Fall with those long forms, hand-written journals, and printed financial reports, crunching the numbers for attendance averages, looking up giving totals, and reporting baptisms for each year.

Some leaders are entrepreneurial by nature. There were several aspects of our local church life at Westside that were the result of my Mama’s inclination to start things. For years, I’ve joked about the Fourth Saturday Night Southern Gospel Singings we had at Westside. One reason we were always in attendance was because it was my Mama’s idea to start them. And she assumed the responsibility of organizing them. She booked the groups. She responded to their needs and requests. She was the connection point between them and the church.

My Mama’s entrepreneurial drive wasn’t limited to our involvement at church, however. For several of my pre-teen years, my Daddy and I made regular trips up to my Mama’s childhood home in Cleveland County to bring a pick-up truck load of okra back to Charlotte. While my Daddy was the one who offered the fresh, locally grown okra to restaurants like Circle G and Laura’s Rozzelle House, it was my Mama who hawked the “retail sale” of the okra by the pound to co-workers, neighbors, and other acquaintances.

My Mama was also the instigator behind Christmas parties for those who worked in what would now be called the IT department at National Welders. She was on a committee at National Welders that planned employee picnics for the company, too.

Leaders have inviolable principles. Three of my Daddy’s four brothers lived with my Mama and Daddy at some point. Two of those three lived with us during my childhood. My Mama cooked for them, just as she did for our family. She washed their clothes as she did for the rest of the family. She never complained about any of it.

However, there were certain expectations that she made clear to them. My Uncle Leo was an alcoholic. It’s why he lost his marriage and lived with us. Yet, my Mama would never allow any alcohol in our home. Nor would she allow Uncle Leo to come into our house inebriated. She would not tolerate my brother and me being exposed to drunkenness in our family.

When my Uncle Walt came to live with us, she made it abundantly clear that he would have to work. In his late 50s, with no education and no ability to read or write, his prospects for a job were few. Yet, my Daddy found him a job as a laborer for a construction contractor who lived in our neighborhood. Uncle Walt didn’t want the job. He had grown accustomed to a subsistent lifestyle in Lumberton following his mother's death some ten years earlier. My Mama set the standard, however: if he were going to live with us, he would have to contribute.

What about you? Would others characterize your leadership as one of service? As you develop leaders among your staff, employees, or congregation, how can you forge this principle of servant leadership in them?

If you are not naturally entrepreneurial, how can you develop that drive? What opportunities are waiting for you to seize them? Rather than complaining about circumstances, what can you do to respond to them and even change them?

What are the inviolable principles that guide your decision-making? How do you communicate those exceptions to those you serve and lead?

Enjoy your weekend.

The views and opinions expressed in my Thursday Thoughts on Leadership are my own. They do not necessarily reflect the views, opinions, or policies of the Baptist State Convention of North Carolina or any affiliated churches.