Leadership Series: Keep personal relationships out of the workplace

A story from Mahabharatha,

When Krishna's diplomatic efforts failed to broker a peace deal between the cousins, he knew that the war between the Kauravas and Pandavas was inevitable. He was only worried about Karna (the eldest son of Kunti, whom she had abandoned when he was a baby) because Karna was capable of killing all five Pandavas. So Krishna decides to visit Karna. He says 

"Karna you are well read and well versed in the scriptures. You must be aware of the intricate rules and laws prescribed by these scriptures. One such law says, if an unmarried woman gets pregnant, the child can either be "Kaneen" or "Sahoda". A Kaneen child is one who is born before the woman is married and a Sahoda child is one born after marriage. The man who marries such  a woman is  considered as a legal father of both Kaneen or a Sahoda child. Karna, you are the Kaneen son of Kunti so Pandu is your legal father. Your mother when she was only a teenager received a boon from Sage Dhurvasa that gave her the power to summon any God and have a child from him. Curios and unaware of the consequences, Kunti summoned the Sun God and conceived his child, You. But a child out of wedlock is a disaster for her. So when you were born, Kunti put you in a basket and let the basket afloat in the river Ganges. A charioter, Adhirath saw the child in the river and took you to his wife, Radha. Adhirath and Radha brought you up as their child. You are the first son of King Pandu and you deserve to be the ruler of Hastinapur, not Yudhistira or Duryodhan. You are the senior most Pandava Brothers and you are the elder brother of Yudhistira, Bheema, Arjuna, Nakula, and Sahadeva. Come and join the Pandava brothers. They will accept you as their elder brother and offer you the throne. O son of Kunti, join your brothers and rule the world"

Karna walked out near the window and said "Yes you are right, as per the scriptures, I will be the first son of Pandu and claimant to the Kuru throne but I cannot forget the fact that my dear friend, Duryodhana was the one who embraced me looking at my skills and not the color of my skin or my blood when the whole world was against me. Though Adhirath and Radha were not my parents, they cared for me and sent me to the best teachers for my education and my arms training. It is only because of my parents and Duryodhana, I am what I am today. I am respected as a king and not as a charioter because of Duryodhana. He depends on me. He embarked upon this war only because he knew I would always be on his side. He expects me to fight Arjuna and defeat him. No amount of riches or family connections will make me break his trust. There is nothing in this world that will make me disown them.  I would never give up my principles to become the king of the Kuru dynasty"

 This story exemplifies the prioritization of ethics and principles over blood relationships.        

Prioritizing Work Relationships Over Personal Relationships

In the professional environment, it is crucial to prioritize work relationships over personal ones, including blood relationships and friendships. Here’s why:

1. Professional Growth and Opportunities: Building strong professional relationships can open doors to new opportunities, mentorship, and career advancement. These connections are essential for your professional development and success.
2. Maintaining Objectivity and Fairness: Prioritizing work relationships helps ensure that decisions are made based on merit and performance rather than personal biases. This fosters a fair and objective workplace where everyone is judged by their contributions.
3. Enhancing Team Collaboration: Strong work relationships contribute to better teamwork and collaboration. When colleagues trust and respect each other professionally, it leads to a more cohesive and productive team environment.
4. Professional Reputation: Your professional reputation is built on how you interact with colleagues and handle work-related matters. Prioritizing work relationships demonstrates your commitment to professionalism and can enhance your standing within the organization.
5. Balancing Personal and Professional Life: While personal relationships are important, it’s essential to keep them separate from your professional life. This balance helps maintain a clear boundary, ensuring that personal issues do not interfere with work responsibilities

Build Good Relationships at work

While we keep personal relationships, whether with family or friends, separate from work, it is equally important to build strong relationships with colleagues. You can achieve this by:

• Be positive and supportive: Check in with colleagues, ask for help, and encourage productivity. 
• Communicate clearly: Develop your communication skills to connect with your coworkers. 
• Set boundaries: Create work-free zones in your home and don't check work emails during family time. 
• Show appreciation: Express your appreciation for your coworkers' efforts, expertise, or hard work. 
• Encourage interpersonal relationships: A pleasant work environment with good relationships can boost employee morale and engagement. 

Relationships with family and coworkers differ - A family culture can be often dangerous

A “family” culture at work can often be toxic. While it promotes loyalty and dedication, these ideals are usually one-sided, benefiting the organization more than the employees. Leaders may expect employees to become emotionally attached and self-sacrificial, often without reciprocating their loyalty. This culture can lead to employees working late, giving up time off, or doing unpaid work, ultimately serving the organization’s bottom line rather than the team’s well-being. Here the top reasons why ..

1. Healthy boundaries are essential for any relationship, and they vary depending on the person and context. For example, while hugging and expressing love might be normal with family, it would be inappropriate with a supervisor at work. Similarly, a family emergency and a work emergency should not be treated with the same level of urgency. However, family work cultures can blur these boundaries, making frequent work “emergencies” seem normal, which can lead to unhealthy expectations and behaviors.
2. Opening up and being vulnerable with colleagues can help build meaningful professional relationships. However, problems arise when family work cultures pressure employees to share more than they are comfortable with. This can lead to situations where personal information is misused, breaking down trust and undermining a supportive work environment.
3. While it’s common for someone to come from a dysfunctional family, we should avoid encouraging dysfunction at work. Instead, we should support healing by recognizing work relationships as professional relationships. Even in informed organizations, using family language or adopting a family mentality at work can lead to dysfunction. Comments like “You remind me of my sibling/parent/child” can trigger unhealthy dynamics. Therefore, it’s recommended that professionals avoid family work culture and instead practice universal precautions.
4. Taking things personally is a common human experience, but it can be harmful. Keeping work relationships professional helps maintain a constructive mindset towards feedback. In a family work culture, it’s easier to take things personally and let insecurities arise, leading to misunderstandings and resentment. A professional, trauma-informed environment allows for direct, compassionate discussions about emotions, whereas a family work culture can lead to old, unproductive patterns.
5. Work relationships and family relationships differ significantly in terms of duration and commitment. Work relationships are often temporary due to job changes, promotions, terminations, and retirements, whereas family relationships are generally expected to be lifelong. Expecting work relationships to be permanent can lead to misunderstandings and missed growth opportunities. Recognizing the transient nature of professional relationships allows us to better navigate the mix of grief and joy that comes with changes in the workplace.
6. Ultimately, relationships with family and coworkers differ in expectations, boundaries, norms, and dynamics. Engaging, seeking support, and healing with coworkers is distinct from doing so with family members. This distinction is healthy and should be celebrated, as both types of relationships are special in their own ways. Recognizing this helps in continuing a trauma-informed healing journey.

To resist a family work culture, consider the following professional strategies:

1. Avoid Using “Family” Language: Refrain from referring to the workplace as a “family” to maintain professional boundaries.
2. Identify and Interrupt Reenactments: Be vigilant in recognizing and addressing any behaviors that mimic familial dynamics.
3. Practice Universal Precaution: Treat all interactions with the same level of care and respect, assuming everyone has experienced some form of trauma.
4. Establish Healthy Power Dynamics: Focus on creating balanced power structures and empowering employees through fair and transparent practices.
5. Implement an Organizational Safety Plan: Develop and maintain a comprehensive safety plan to ensure a secure and supportive work environment.

These steps can help foster a professional, respectful, and healthy workplace culture.

Importance of Professional Boundaries

Professional boundaries are the legal, ethical, and organizational frameworks that protect both customers and employees, or workers, from emotional harm, and help to maintain a safe working environment. By setting boundaries in the workplace, you can focus on tasks that align with your role and responsibilities. Boundaries allow you to prioritize work effectively, concentrate on essential tasks, and avoid getting sidetracked by distractions or non-essential requests.

Divulging information that is not relevant helps maintain professional boundaries in the workplace for several reasons:

1. Productivity and Focus: Personal relationships can sometimes lead to distractions, affecting productivity and focus. Keeping relationships outside the workplace helps maintain a professional environment where everyone can concentrate on their tasks.
2. Avoiding Conflicts of Interest: Personal relationships can create conflicts of interest, especially when it comes to decision-making, promotions, or evaluations. Ensuring that relationships do not interfere with professional duties helps maintain fairness and objectivity.
3. Professional Reputation: Engaging in personal relationships at work can impact your professional reputation. It’s important to be seen as a dedicated and impartial professional, which can be compromised if personal relationships influence your work.
4. Team Dynamics: Personal relationships can affect team dynamics, potentially leading to favoritism or exclusion. Keeping relationships out of the workplace helps ensure a cohesive and inclusive team environment.
5. Legal and Ethical Considerations: Many organizations have policies regarding workplace relationships to prevent issues such as harassment or discrimination. Adhering to these policies is essential for maintaining a safe and respectful workplace.

While it’s natural to form friendships at work, it’s important to keep personal relationships from interfering with professional responsibilities. This helps maintain a productive, fair, and respectful work environment for everyone.

Disclaimer: The postings on this site are my own and do not necessarily reflect the views of Astera Labs