Learning the Art of Letting Go

Let’s start with the most practical level of letting go. Mari Kondo built a huge empire around helping people to declutter their homes by letting go of their old stuff. Why do people find it so hard to let go of these physical things? Sometimes, it’s because they have sentimental value. This sentimental value can stem from past experiences or future expectations. Objects with past sentimental value may include a souvenir from a holiday, a bracelet gifted by a dear one, a coffee mug given by an elderly at home and so on and so forth.

Unfortunately, learning to let go is much harder than holding on. Human beings have a tendency to define themselves through what they own, and so we cling onto past sorrows, bad relationships, and even meaningless goals. We hold grudges, dwell on past mistakes, and attach sentimental meaning to inert objects. This is a lot to carry around — a weight that can impede our ability to explore, create, and reinvent ourselves. Fortunately, learning to let go is a science as much as an art.

Here are five simple exercises one can practice to let go of some of this weight and start living a lighter, freer life.

1. Letting Go of Belongings

Let’s start with the most practical level of letting go. Mari Kondo built a huge empire around helping people to declutter their homes by letting go of their old stuff. Why do people find it so hard to let go of these physical things? Sometimes, it’s because they have sentimental value. This sentimental value can stem from past experiences or future expectations. Objects with past sentimental value may include a souvenir from a holiday, a bracelet you were wearing on your first date, a cup your grandmother gave you.

A great way to get rid of stuff is to do it progressively. Let’s start with the easy stuff — items such as gadgets we haven’t used for years, old papers without much sentimental value, or, the easiest of all, stuff we don’t even remember what they are or what they’re supposed to be used for. Most of us have tons of these in our houses. Gradually move our decluttering work towards more sentimental items.

2. Letting Go of Older Goals

Adolescence role models or aspiration are sometimes an invisible weight that we carry around without actually realising it. Although they may no longer align with our existing or future aspirations, they persist in our subconscious, influencing our decision-making capability and actions. We often cling to old goals out of an artificial sense of obligation to our younger self. For instance, we may be compelled to stick to a career path that was set due to family expectations.

Learning to let go of our goals is about keeping space in our lives for doing things just for the sake of it, not because it neatly fits into a grander scheme. Let’s simply write down our current goals, and ask ourselves: “Why do I really care about this goal?” Most goals can be transformed into sustainable systems based on enjoying the process rather than obsessing over the end result. 

3. Letting Go of Control

Everyone in the organisation can relate to this and see when a manager micromanages the team, when a colleague always takes the lead in conversations, or when a family member sticks to rigid traditions. It’s a bit harder to notice our own attempts at exerting control over our environment. Recognising these patterns in ourselves is challenging, as they often stem from a deep-seated desire for stability and predictability, making them seem more like necessary habits than controlling behaviors.

To break free of the illusion of control, we need to give control to get control. In practice, it means giving people (our kids, our employees, our community and ourselves) the flexibility to play with the rules. It starts by asking ourselves: “Why do I care about this rule?” Ultimately, letting go of control will allow us to embrace adaptability so we can thrive even when things don’t go as planned.

4. Letting Go of People

It may sound harsh, but it is sometimes better to let go of certain people from our lives, be it domestic or work. Some relationships may not reflect who we are today. Learning to let go of a “legacy relationship” doesn’t have to be negative; it can be an opportunity for personal growth. Let’s ask ourselves: “Why do I care about this relationship?” A helpful exercise is writing a letter to the person but not sending it to him/her.

Thank them for everything we learned from the relationship. Let’s allow ourselves to experience the whole spectrum of emotions that this exercise might elicit, both positive and negative. Most relationships we care about are complex. Embrace that complexity. Let’s maintain an attitude of forgiveness throughout this exercise. Research suggests that forgiving and wishing someone well is connected to better health.

5. Letting Go of the Past

As Roy T. Bennett once said: “The past is a place of reference, not a place of residence; the past is a place of learning, not a place of living”. We also tend to cling onto memories, especially hurtful ones. That’s because our brains are wired to remember painful experiences more vividly as a survival mechanism and these memories often have strong emotional ties that keep them active in our thoughts. This is supposed to help us avoid similar situations in the future.

Letting go of the past is hard because, in some way, it requires letting go of a piece of ourselves. Our experiences form the basis for who we are, and breaking free from the weight of past memories also means reinventing our own identity. To start this difficult but rewarding process, ask yourself: “Why do I care about this memory?” Answering this question will help us replace the static memory with more generative thoughts. In the words of Eppie Lederer: “Some people believe holding on and hanging in there are signs of great strength. However, there are times when it takes much more strength to know when to let go and then do it.”

Parting Note

In short, letting go is a form of self-liberation. It allows us to break free from the chains of attachment and live a life of authenticity and purpose. By releasing what no longer serves us, we create space for new opportunities, relationships, and experiences that align with our highest good.

Let’s also remember that the journey of letting go doesn’t come without challenges, but it is one of the most rewarding paths one can take. It teaches us resilience, fosters emotional intelligence, deepens our connection with ourselves and the world around us. Ultimately, the art of letting go is about learning to trust the flow of life and embracing the beauty of impermanence.

Related Article: ‘Letting Go’ & ‘Stepping Back’: True Friends For Life

About the Author

Muhammad Sajwani is a C-Level HR, Transformation Leader, Board Advisor, Business Coach & Organisational Consultant and Managing Director, Evolve HR. He is an author, columnist and a contributor who besides writing for LinkedIn and Medium, also regularly writes for BizCatalyst 360 and has published around 500 articles. He brings along 30+ years of local & international experience. He is a change catalyst specialising in unleashing the human Dreamgenius through Leadership, Creativity and Change Management. Muhammad has been instrumental in helping organizations come to terms with organizational changes like right-sizing and business process re-engineering. His innovative approach & high personal competence encourages people to not only accept change, but also to excel in it. Muhammad has diverse experience in conducting strategic & management development programs, conferences & events for organisations across sectors. In recognition of his long outstanding services, Global HR Professionals — GHRP & Artificial Intelligence Community of Pakistan awarded him the “Lifetime Achievement Award” in the year 2024.