Learning NLP* With ADHD....How Can That Work?

*NLP - Neuro Linguistic Programming

By Victoria Sedgwick & Florence Madden

Victoria’s Story….

“Congratulations, you have a Ferrari brain and bicycle brakes … we just have to make some tweaks so you can stop safely!”

Dr Edward Hallowell (psychiatrist specialising in ADHD)

I am a commercial photographer based in Holme Lancashire on the edge of the Lake District, and I also describe myself as a ‘Commercial Connector’ and an ADHD Dyslexic Genius!

From the earliest stage in my life, I felt I didn’t fit in, and I felt tagged as ‘different’ and a disruptive influence. When I learned to write, I even did mirror writing.  At school I changed the way I spoke to try to fit in. I pushed boundaries for the dopamine rush – the class clown. I was always after some stimulant and inevitably, the reputation I developed with teachers meant I spent a lot of time in detention – it seemed like for anything they could pin on me.

So what was this condition labelled as ADHD all about?

What is ADHD ?

I think Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, rather like NLP actually, is very misunderstood.  It usually presents in childhood and is often characterised as the naughty child that can’t sit still.  It can and does persist into adulthood although it is often misdiagnosed. Some of the key symptoms can be:

●        Poor awareness of time  & often being late

●        Restlessness and impulsiveness

●        Unable to focus & in contrast hyperfocusing

●        Trouble staying organised

●        Procrastination

●        Easily frustrated

●        Often bored

●        Trouble concentrating

●        Mood swings/dark moods

●        Relationship issues

●        100% of people with ADHD have RSD rejection sensitive disorder, a relatively new finding.*

*RSD: Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria doesn’t have an official set of symptoms and isn’t a formal medical diagnosis. But doctors and therapists often use the term when they notice exaggerated reactions connected to an official behavioral condition like ADHD. People who experience RSD don’t handle rejection well. In fact, they find it hard to describe what they feel and often use words like “unbearable” or “devastating.” It could cause you to develop a serious fear of rejection, too. 

I am fortunate as I don’t get the anger/anxiety issues that many people experience. experience. I go to the other extreme of not getting mad or angry and being full-on people-pleasing,  ….Thus, having the potential to attract toxic and abusive relationships. I realise that for some people with the condition, it can take them into very dark places.

I like many other got my official diagnosis late in life, and still slightly mourn the life I had without the knowledge.  In reality, I always kinda knew and again as many do we self-medicate…. mine was coke – no not that one, in can form !!

I had a  whopping 25-year addition to Diet Coke. I was drinking an unbelievable  6-18 cans a day. What acts as a stimulant for most people was calming me down – so, in effect I too was self-medicating with it. And whilst I was doing that, my GP could not help me.  So, with the  help of a hypnotherapist, to break that addiction, and have been off it more many years now.. and on appropriate medication to help manage my condition.

That said I often say “It’s hard being me on daily basis”: I lose keys, I liken my brain activity to five squirrels in a barrel, … but crucially, I also see it as my superpower. It is the source of my creativity; I look at things differently and I feel things deeply. I am an empath and have a huge interest in people which greatly influences the quality of my work with clients. I no longer try to FIT in … I lean into myself and who I am… on the other hand I find the logistics and admin of running my business hard to keep on top of.

Then, I was introduced to Florence Madden and her NLP courses by a mutual friend, and a new challenge lay ahead – one that initially felt daunting to me. I was interested in neurodiversity, given my condition, and also in finding out more about the brain. I was concerned about my focus and ability to absorb fully, especially when I realised there was a written test at the end. Florence calls this a questionnaire, but it was still a test/exam to me…. at least until she explained how it would be conducted, and I finally started believing I could do this!

NLP and Me         

From the little I knew at the outset, I felt NLP would be helpful for me in my work.  My approach as a photographer is to go beyond simply taking a ‘good’ picture of someone, I look to make a connection with my client and to capture the natural person.

At first, I wondered if the NLP Business Practitioner was a higher level than I needed, yet I knew I wanted to invest in myself. I was curious how it could help me, specifically to help me connect with and build rapport with the CEOs who form a significant part of my client base.

So I joined Florence’s course at Macdonald Leeming House on the banks of lovely Ullswater in the Lake District and was immediately glad I did. My experience on the course was very different from the scenario I had imagined: I joined a fabulously supportive group and the relaxed setting and Florence’s delivery, made it so easy to absorb. We were seated on comfy sofas with lovely food, chocolate and fruit – not the schoolroom set-up that would have been a serious inhibitor for me. Additionally, with the consent of the other delegates (the venue Leeming House is dog-friendly), I could have my dog Nookie with me, which enabled me to relax even more.

The course itself was conversational in style, engaging, and inclusive of everyone. It appeared as if we had free rein, but there was an underlying structure keeping us on track. I described it to friends as having “the illusion of not learning even though I was !”

So I was relaxed when it came to the questionnaire/test on the last day. We were not under a time restriction, and I could look out the window at the beautiful grounds and lake and gather my thoughts, which I found were all there and waiting for me – I knew this stuff, I was living it by this point ! In fact it couldn’t have been further from the fearful test scenario of my imagination, so I was able to do my best. I knew that my spelling didn’t have to be perfect, and if any question was not answered fully, I knew Florence would have one-to-one with each of us anyway and simply ask the question orally.  This wasn’t a special treatment for me by the way:Florence spent time with each of us explaining what was being assessed, which was our knowledge of NLP, not our ability to be good at exams (Phew!)

One of the other things that I liked about Florence’s approach is the open invitation to come back as a visitor: anyone who completes any of her NLP courses can come back as a visitor on a future course for a day or a few days at simply the cost of the hotel day delegate rate. This is a great opportunity to revisit  elements of the course and connect with a whole new group.

My experience coming back was brilliant – the group were so welcoming to me and whilst it enabled me to affirm how much I had learnt and used my learning,  I know from the feedback how much I could bring to the group also.  I got the feedback that they were ‘astounded’ by me and that my NLP training had made the difference.  I felt how I had shifted my thinking: I properly turned up, I sat ‘bigger’ in my seat, I occupied my own space and felt so much more attuned to the individuals in the group and so in an even better position to support their learning too.

In my day job, NLP has become a natural fit with my skillset.  It has undoubtedly given me extra strength in how I handle personal situations, as well as using it to benefit my clients. An example of this is a recent commission working with a young actor, helping him relax into the photoshoot…. and helping him in his craft! I used the ‘Circles of Excellence’ anchoring technique to get  him into a resourceful state for the picture and then in conversation, he shared that he finds it hard to get into an authentic ‘sad’ state when it is required in a role. So I showed him how to use ‘Circles of Excellence’ to be able to access this state when needed too.

On another occasion I was working with a lawyer who is a comedian in his spare time and I helped him to step up and into this too. He needed to own it, be confident and let this confidence zoom out to his audience, so once again I called on my anchoring skills to great effect.

So, looking back, I have come a long way in my thinking about myself, my ADHD and NLP. I hope that the sharing of my experience breaks down some of the misconceptions of ADHD and what people are capable of when given the chance. I recognise a broad variation of how people experience the condition, and emphasise I know I am very fortunate.

Through my NLP journey, I also now see that eventhough I thought I had already reframed, leaned into and celebrated my ADHD and dyslexia, they were still limiting my thinking about myself.  The shift is that NLP has enabled me to be me ….. and to dig down into myself and not restrict my growth or get in my own way.  I think this change is embodied in the NLP Pre-Supposition that:

‘We all have the resources we need’

I get this now and what a gift it has been to realise that!!

And a Final Note from Florence….and Iain !  

I have to thank Victoria for how she has expanded, or perhaps confirmed, my thinking of what is possible.  So much so I have recently had another delegate on my Personal Effectiveness At Work course, Iain Dunn from Inspire Safety, whom I was told in advance  has autism and ADHD. I just knew he would be ok and still benefit from the training ….and I am delighted to say he has – in spades ! Here is how he describes his experience:

“The course is very interactive and managed to keep my focus throughout which again can be a challenge due to my ADHD and I felt this was due to how the course has been developed to be incredibly inclusive and a safe space for everyone involved.

I was thoroughly impressed with the course and how accessible it was for me. I thought I may struggle with parts either due to ADHD or autistic traits of mine but it was quite the opposite with Florence making it engaging for me and ensuring that I never felt uncomfortable and ensuring it was a safe space for not just me, but everyone involved.

I have managed to apply it to a wealth of situations in work including in day to day operations and relationships including co-workers and also in meetings with clients or site visits as I have to engage with a variety of personnel in different situations.”

Both I and the other delegates have also loved the different insights Iain brought to the course content, and indeed hearing the insights he has into his own condition.

Once again we recognise that there is a wide variation in how people experience  autism and ADHD and so it would be wrong to generalise. Suffice to say that people are more capable of learning NLP or anything else, than perhaps they, or others, realise and we should be careful of ‘labels’!

You can find out more about Victoria’s business on: www.victoriasedgwick.com

And about Florence’s business on: www.florencemadden.co.uk