A Lesson in Not How to Apologize

Dear Melinda Byerly,

Your apology fails.

A proper apology is addressed to the people you hurt, names the hurt you caused, does not defend nor minimize your harmful action, and takes full honest accountability.

It begins with "I am sorry for causing harm to _ by _" not "I made a mistake."

Your message says: "I am the victim here. In a heated moment I forgot that calling non-white immigrants "parasites" is reprehensible and carelessly expressed my views. Now folks are coming after me, and I freaked out and hastily composed this message to protect myself." When we are "heated" is when we are MOST likely to express what we truly believe because we are LEAST likely to gauge how it will land.

When you say "I am so sorry for the hurt I caused" without naming the people you harmed, it is clear that who you are truly sorry for is yourself. You say "I have learned from this" without naming that calling non-white immigrants "parasites" is white supremacy and is particularly dangerous for a white woman to do at a time of rising white ethno-nationalism and violence against non-white immigrants. What you are really saying is "I will make sure never to express white supremacist and white ethno-nationalistic views on social media again, so I do not get held to account for my views again."

Your twitter profile states that you support "Diversity in Tech" yet it is clear from your messages that you don't understand what that means and how to practice it. If you would like to have a conversation with me about it I am here for you.

Sincerely,

Karen Fleshman

aka a white woman who supports Diversity in Tech, has caused harm, has taken accountability for the harm I caused, changed my behavior, is continuously learning and striving to improve, and continuously collecting white people.