The Let Go

Last week, I spent a morning listening to presentations from the latest graduates from my Change Makers programme. 

One of the themes I heard in several presentations was what I call ‘the Let Go’. 

Letting go of stories in their heads about what a leader should do, and embracing genuine authenticity instead.

Letting go of trying to win arguments and prove points, and embracing listening, learning, and collaborating.

Letting go of busyness and embracing a more sustainable pace.

Letting go of striving and embracing flow.

Just letting go.

Control is an Illusion

Do you know that feeling when you’re driving super-hard to make stuff happen? When you get into hyper-focus mode and nothing matters but getting it nailed? When your stress levels go up, your sleep levels go down, yet you push on regardless?

I know it well.

Have you ever had that feeling when you decide ‘Stuff it, I’m going to stop trying.’ And you immediately feel the weight fall off your shoulders? 

And when you let go, as if by magic, different things start to happen? Things that you couldn’t have foreseen? Things that take you in a direction that opens up what’s possible?

That’s the Let Go.

The Let Go is a powerful tool in any leader’s tool kit.

Many of us live under the illusion that we control what happens. Really? Here’s race car driver John Green on the fallacy of that idea:

"Control is an illusion, you infantile egomaniac. Nobody knows what's gonna happen next: not on a freeway, not in an airplane, not inside our own bodies and certainly not on a racetrack with 40 other infantile egomaniacs."

Or if you’d like a more eloquent way of putting it:

"The more we try to control, the more out of control we become." (Tao Te Ching)

Put Effort in its Place

Don’t get me wrong. There’s a place for effort. As Professor Jon Kabat-Zinn puts it, "We can't control the sea, but we can learn to surf the waves." 

If you want to ride the wave, you’ve got to paddle for it. And then know when to let the wave take you.

I reckon there’s a spectrum that looks like this:

The sweet spot is in the middle between Make and Let. Put the effort, and then let the larger forces at play do their thing. Trying too hard (forcing) is wasted effort. And ignoring what needs to be done is wasted opportunity. 

How do we get this balance right? It comes down to wisdom, and trust. The wisdom that emerges from the lessons of bitter experience. And trusting that you’re not the only agent at play in this story.

I see too much leadership effort put into making stuff happen that inevitably turns into forcing stuff to happen because of the inability to know when to deploy the Let Go. The cost is burnout, distrust and ineffectiveness.

You don’t need to be the hero.

Learn the art of the Let Go.

Back to those change-makers. Every single one of them reports that they’re more effective when they let go. They have more clarity, more confidence, more calmness, and more clout.

They’ve found the sweet spot between Making and Letting.

They’ve embraced the Let Go.

Where could you let go?

For more like this, check out:

Are You Trying Too Hard?

Five Reasons We Can’t Slow Down