Letter to Etisalat: How your kid PTCL has been Naughty But Not Nice

Dear Etisalat,

You don't know me. But I know you.

For a long time. Think 9 years.

It has been more of a bittersweet relationship. And a one-sided one. Since you don't know I exist.

Every time I land at the Dubai Airport, I get one of your grandchildren and shove them up my mobile.

They aren't very cooperative though.

And very greedy. Always hungry. You need to feed them literally every freakin day. Otherwise they just play dead like a naughty pup.

Makes you wonder whether this is the grandchild of a slum-dwelling entity.

Suffice to say I've seen your family from up close. But today I'm more interested in talking about one of your own kids rather than their offspring.

PTCL.

Of course I realize she's not your biological daughter, but an adopted one. But you picked her up from the garbage. Fed her. Nurtured her. Taught her the ways of the world.

She blossomed into a femme fatale. Cunning. Shrewd. Heartless.

Now this alluring vixen has got kids of her own. And they are behaving quite ruthlessly themselves.

I had the chance to

PTCL has come from leaps and bounds. No doubt about it. I didn't expect PTCL to survive, let alone thrive in the cuthroat Net Race that kicked off at the start of the Millennium. To many, it looked like a sure death for the malnourished ugly duckling. 

But she proved everyone wrong. Including me. 

She gave birth to sexy bundles. Arousing services. Smart TV. Humungous broadband packages. Dongles. Charjees. Wifi enabled Dildos. You name it. They had it.

But her service has always been atrocious. It's like hiring an escort who's gorgeously all made up, but when it comes to performing, she can't handle your demands. No matter how missionary they maybe.

Then there's her deception. 

Yes. You heard it right. Deception. 

She has these devious offsprings, much like Agent Smith from the Matrix, only with the gender reversed. 

You get a call from one of these agents. She cajoles you in her most seductive voice to upgrade your package. And assures you (in the same seductive tone) that it won't cost much. In fact in my case, she even spelt out the exact amount.  

So what would you do? 

Of course if you are a normal heterosexual male with the mighty mojo of a 30-something Pakistani, you're gonna give in to her seduction. Unless you are a fashion designer. Which makes you immune to female advances. 

And that's exactly what I did. 

In my case, the female lead was played by someone called Amna who called from this number 0336-3716214. Not even sure if that's her real name. 

What happened next.......

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