A Letter To My Daughter

Celebrating Mother's Day for the first time this year, TSMP's director Nanthini Vijayakumar pens an open letter on her hopes and advice, for her 10-month-old daughter.

Little one,

This is a letter you won’t read till you’re older, and have long outgrown the cot you’re snoozing in while I write. As I plan your first birthday, I can’t help but wonder how the world would be like when you turn 21. What challenges will you face, what opportunities will you see? How can I help you soar, and land on your feet when you stumble?

You’ll grow into a world very different from the one I’m living in today. How different, I can only guess. But I wanted to give you three of my best guesses, and my advice to you if I’m right. I hope it will be helpful someday.

First, technology.

Technology is pervasive; it will reduce or replace human elements in more and more aspects of life. The world has just come out of the Covid-19 pandemic. For some years now, meetings have been replaced by video calls and service staff by chatbots or self-service kiosks. More recently, artificial intelligence (AI) and large language models have begun to supplant traditional innovative roles by generating their own creative output – something once thought impossible for a computer to achieve. The trend is clear, and likely to accelerate.

Embrace and master technological change as it comes. The more capable technology becomes, the more important it is to keep abreast of what it can do and understand how to make it work for you. Never stop adapting to these changes, no matter how old you get or how uncomfortable it might feel. Be wary of dismissing new innovations; history has seldom been kind to those who do.

At the same time, make the effort to build and keep relationships with others and learn to treasure them. As technology replaces (and dehumanises) more and more individual interactions, those that remain will only ever be more precious to you. I remember when I was a little girl, our whole family used to gather to watch television. We would all watch the same show, race to get snacks during commercial breaks (paying to get rid of ads wasn’t a thing then) and talk about it afterwards while looking forward to the next episode. Today, everyone in the house has the luxury of watching their own shows on their own devices at different times. Those TV gatherings don’t happen anymore. We’ve already lost that common ground. 

It’s not just TV, either. We meet our friends less often these days because we can text them anytime. We get updates on their life through social media, and it’s easy to think that that’s a substitute for seeing them in person. But a text cannot replace a hug. Social media never tells the full story; it often leaves out the bad times. Maybe you’ll be able to meet your friends in full virtual reality by the time you’re reading this, but I hope you treasure them enough to meet them in real life too. Give – and receive – a hug, a listening ear, a shoulder to lean on. It’s what keeps us human.

Second, misinformation.

Misinformation is commonplace today, and this state of affairs is likely to worsen. The internet may become an even darker place than it already is now. Thanks to bad actors such as internet trolls, generative AI and politicians with a healthy disregard for the truth (all of which I suspect will become more prevalent with time), you will encounter a wealth of falsehoods disguised as fact. These falsehoods will only get scarier, too. Right now, technology is capable of deepfakes. Videos can be created of people doing things they never did in real life, or saying things they never said. This is downright scary, and I’m afraid it’ll only get worse before it can get better.

What can you do to protect yourself? My answer is education. I know, I know, you’re probably thinking: there goes mum, nagging me to study hard again. Guilty as charged, but let me explain.

Mastering the subjects taught in school – math (including statistics and probability), the sciences, history, geography – will equip you with a good base of knowledge about the world. Let us not forget languages, either. Language is the baseline for all communication; the knowledge you need to express yourself and understand others accurately. Mastery of language and literature will help you be a better judge of people and information, and make you better at spotting better at spotting fallacies.

Knowledge will help you distinguish fact from opinion, and be a critical thinker. Critical thinking will be a key skill for your generation.

Third, womanhood.

It is a beautiful thing to be a woman in this day and age. Many of the old boundaries holding us back have been broken, and I’m sure more will be by the time you’re grown. There should be fewer stereotypes, glass ceilings and outdated beliefs holding you back on account of gender alone. More than ever, you can do or be anything you want.

That said, breaking boundaries isn’t smooth sailing. Even now, in 2024, there have been attempts across the globe to undo the progress women have made. Just look at the rollback of abortion rights by the US Supreme Court, following which some US states have gone so far as to criminalise abortion. Closer to home, the Taliban have cut off women’s access to education and jobs since retaking Afghanistan, undoing 20 years of progress during which Afghan women showed they could become graduates, professionals and more. The impact on women has been devastating.

People will also try to draw boundaries for you out of love. You may find a family member – even me, someday – telling you to restrict some sort of behaviour on account of gender. Either way, it takes courage to break boundaries, whether set by a well-meaning family member or an entire political movement. I hope you find that courage if you ever need it.

It is also a terrifying thing to be a woman. You can do or be anything you want – so you will be told you have to do or be everything everyone wants: a good mother, a career woman, a global citizen, beautiful (but not too beautiful), assertive (but not aggressive), and a host of other things besides.

Don’t let all that noise get to you. This is your life, and you can choose to live it the way you want. Never let anyone tell you that you’re not enough. You don’t have to be perfect, nor do you have to be anyone’s ideal of a woman. Be your own person, and remember that there is beauty in imperfection.

Writing this letter calls to mind the words of a poem by Helen Dunmore: “Tonight there’s a crowd in my head / All the things you are not yet”. This is one of your parents’ favourite poems. Daddy and I can’t wait to see all the things that you are not yet, but (we hope) you will someday be. Know that you carry your parents’ hopes and dreams for you, but never the weight of our expectations. Above all, know that we love you.

With all my heart,

Amma