“They Not Like Us”: Moving from Othering to Opening Up the Playground By Dr. Cherry, Quite Contrary #ceowhisperher

“They Not Like Us”: Moving from Othering to Opening Up the Playground

Reflecting on Kendrick Lamar’s lyrics and Our Tendency to Other

As Kendrick Lamar repeats in his song, “They not like us! Whop, whop, whop,” it’s easy to feel the pull of that mindset—that powerful instinct to see others as different, and sometimes, as less than. It’s a gut reaction that resonates deeply, especially when we look at people who think, act, or even vote differently from us. But here’s the question we often overlook: how often do we engage in this same othering we claim to despise? How often do we draw lines between “us” and “them,” and how does this shape our relationships, our communities, and even our personal growth?

When we divide people into groups of “us” and “them,” we stop seeing individuals. We see a blurry, simplified label instead, based on our own biases and judgments. This article dives into the psychology behind this reflex and explores how we can use positive and social psychology to challenge ourselves to invite others to our shared playground, instead of pushing them away.

The Trap of Othering: Why We Do It

At the heart of othering are two psychological biases: the fundamental attribution error and the self-serving bias.

1. Fundamental Attribution Error: This is our tendency to explain others’ behavior based on their character or disposition, rather than considering situational factors. If someone cuts us off in traffic, we might instantly think, “They’re rude!” without considering that maybe they’re rushing to an emergency. This same bias plays out in larger social contexts, where we make assumptions about “those people” based on incomplete stories.

2. Self-Serving Bias: This bias causes us to view our own actions more favorably. When we succeed, we attribute it to our hard work and talent; when we fail, we blame outside factors. This can distort our perceptions of others, making it easier to criticize and judge people who don’t share our views, values, or lifestyles.

These biases shape how we view others and can lead us into thinking that we’re always on the right side, while “they” are fundamentally flawed or even dangerous. This can be especially divisive in social and political realms, where the lines between “us” and “them” feel like they’re drawn in permanent ink.

How Can We Break Free? Moving Beyond Us vs. Them

Breaking out of these biases requires a willingness to question our automatic reactions and a desire to create connection rather than division. Here are some steps to help us stop othering and start inviting others to our playground:

• Practice Empathy: Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of others. This doesn’t mean we have to agree with everyone, but it does mean trying to see the world from another’s perspective. Empathy requires curiosity—ask yourself why someone holds a particular view or acts a certain way, and try to consider the experiences that have shaped them.

• Recognize Shared Humanity: Instead of focusing on what divides us, we can focus on our shared needs and desires. Most people, regardless of their background, want safety, love, and respect. When we look for what unites us, our sense of “they’re not like us” can begin to soften, and we can see them as simply human.

• Challenge Your Own Biases: Biases are part of being human, but recognizing them helps us avoid falling into the trap of othering. When we notice a judgmental thought, we can pause and ask ourselves why we’re feeling that way. What assumptions are we making? Are we attributing behavior to someone’s character, rather than considering their situation?

• Engage in Open Dialogue: Dialogue doesn’t mean debate. It means listening actively and seeking to understand before responding. When we listen without the intent to argue or prove our point, we create an opportunity for true connection and understanding. This is essential for inviting others to our shared playground, where everyone feels seen and valued.

How Social and Positive Psychology Can Help

Positive psychology focuses on human strengths and potential, while social psychology studies how we interact with others. Together, these fields offer powerful tools to combat othering:

1. Reframe Your Thoughts with Positive Psychology: Instead of seeing differences as threats, we can see them as opportunities for growth and learning. For example, instead of thinking, “They don’t get it,” try thinking, “They have a different perspective. What can I learn from it?” This shift promotes open-mindedness and fosters resilience in our relationships.

2. Build Bridges with Social Psychology: Social psychologists highlight the importance of intergroup contact, which is the idea that positive interactions with people from different groups can reduce prejudice. When we engage with people from different backgrounds, we humanize them, which helps break down stereotypes and biases.

3. Use Self-Compassion to Break the Cycle: When we judge others harshly, we’re often holding ourselves to unrealistic standards too. Practicing self-compassion—acknowledging our own imperfections and treating ourselves with kindness—can make it easier to extend that compassion to others. We can remind ourselves that everyone makes mistakes, and that mistakes are part of growth.

Inviting Everyone to the Playground: A Call to Action

In a world where “cancel culture” often calls for the dismissal of those we disagree with, there’s a different path we can take. Imagine a playground where people with all kinds of backgrounds, beliefs, and experiences can come together, learn from each other, and grow. That’s the playground we can create if we’re willing to let go of “us vs. them” thinking and embrace a mindset of inclusion and compassion.

The next time you find yourself singing along to “They not like us,” take a moment to ask yourself: what if that’s okay? What if our differences are what make our world richer, and inviting others to our playground could lead to new friendships, ideas, and possibilities?

By examining our own biases, practicing empathy, and engaging in open dialogue, we can break free from the habit of othering and open up a space where everyone is welcome. That’s the power of bringing people together, and it starts with recognizing that, yes, they might not be like us—but maybe that’s exactly what makes them worth inviting.

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