Living Unapologetically: Embracing Your Life Without Guilt

Some behavioral studies and social observations suggest that women might be more inclined to apologize in certain situations, especially in social interactions and the workplace—apologizing even for things beyond their control.

If you’re a woman, this probably isn’t news to you. If you’re a man, well, now you know.

I brought up this “intro” to set the stage for what I want to talk about.

Like most women, it feels like every cell in my body is always ready to apologize, to make things easier for others, even if that’s not something I genuinely want to do.

This has been a part of me for as long as I can remember. I have memories of apologizing to friends for not being able to be everywhere at once, to family members for missing a special date, and to coworkers for skipping events I never really wanted to attend in the first place. Always an apology, followed by some self-deprecating message that made me feel smaller or like I had failed in some way.

This went on for decades—always apologizing. But there’s something magical about “growing older” and better understanding how life works, especially when you start paying more attention to yourself and realize that the things you can’t control… well, you can’t control them.

After three years living abroad, some things have become much clearer to me, and thankfully, they’ve helped me learn to be kinder to myself.

Recently, I caught myself making a mental list of people I needed to message, to explain why I’d been absent—that with my new job, I just didn’t have the same time as before to send texts, voice notes, comment on posts, or interact on social media.

I felt heavy with that list, thinking, What a terrible friend I must be.

But, as always, overthinking things in my head actually helped me gain clarity about what I was experiencing.

I decided to let go of the weight of apologizing for living my life—for doing the things no one else can do for me, for focusing on what’s mine to take care of. Because, really, what’s wrong with that? Absolutely nothing.

So there’s almost a public declaration: don’t be surprised if I send you a quick “hi” or a message that says what I want to say—without a long intro full of justifications for my absence (because I’ve just been living my life).

This might seem selfish or impersonal, but if you look closely, it’s really just about living your life the best way you can with what you’ve got.

The people who truly love and care about you are connected to you regardless of whether you talk or see each other every day. Oh, and another thing: relationships are a two-way street. If you’re the only one reaching out, checking in, and sending messages, maybe you’re the only one nurturing that connection.

Start the new year with simple goals that will make your life lighter.

Maybe you don’t need to lose 10 kilos or make more money in 2025. Maybe what you really need is to let go of relationships that make you feel drained, exploited, uncomfortable, or alone.

Remember this mantra: YOU DON’T OWE ANYONE ANYTHING. Not even an apology for living your life.