Living for your Eulogy (versus your resume): What is a Life Well Lived?

In my coaching work, I like to ask the provocative question, "Are you living for your resume or your eulogy?" Its a question that hit me between the eyes when I first saw it as the title of an article. Living your life with the end in mind is hard. Writing my dad’s eulogy was so much harder.

I felt a ton of pressure. I wanted to capture all the facets of my dad and give those who came to mourn and remember and celebrate a picture of my father that was both familiar and allowed them to learn something new about him.

This post previously published at my Working Mother Blog -- Mom, Mayhem, Missions and More.

My Eulogy for My Dad

My dad defied any neat description and I think he liked it that way. Even his accent was hard to pin down since it mixed in his years in Indonesia, Australia and the Netherlands. When I thought about how to give justice to the man he was some personas kept popping up.

Youthful Wanderer

There is a great saying, “All who wander are not lost.” I think it was written for my dad. I heard he wandered as a child too and his mom never knew where he was. He took his time and followed his curiosity. Family trips often included unplanned stops off the beaten path. When we celebrated my parents’ 50th wedding anniversary, my dad said only half joking, “I don’t know how I got here.” He lived each day looking forward to where his wandering might take him and remained a kid at heart.

Problem Solving Teacher and Student

He was forever both a student and a teacher. He loved math but also taking photography courses and learning how set up his own dark room, when that a was a thing. He enjoyed philosophy and history. He was self-taught in many areas and didn’t think there was anything he couldn’t learn. When he found students who had trouble with Math, he created his own books. I found the intro where he said learning math is just like a foreign language, “with practice, anyone can improve.”

Persistent Creator

His creativity was an equal passion. He painted, carved wood statutes, and tinkered on his 1962 dodge lancer which to him was a labor of love. We joked that car was his second love after my mom. He adored writing. He spent much of his retirement documenting family stories and then following up, often multiple time, to see if people had read them. His persistence lead to his father getting a medal of honor for his heroism and I know my dad treasured that accomplishment. Not all his attempts were successes. There was an early model homemade trailer that always seemed to need fixing as well as some strange looking wood carvings. But he was always undeterred. He would just try something else. He brought people into this magical world. I loved getting to create with my dad (or watch if it involved his power tools) and so did my kids. The whole house is filled with his creative touches. And the backyard garage and sun-room stand as testaments to his broad building skills.

Romantic Dreamer

My dad always had grand plans and most involved my mother – the love of his life. There were the trips around the US and mostly the Netherlands in the earlier days and around the world in the retirement years even making it back to Indonesia and Australia. He celebrated each birthday, anniversary and mother’s dad with cards, flowers, a thoughtful gift and all his love. His was working on a Pandora bracelet most recently and had taken to waking my mom by bringing her tea in bed since he was a morning person. Theirs was a romance that didn’t dim with the years.

Determined Believer

My dad believed in things in a way that he could not be moved easily. You would know what I meant if you had ever attempted to change his mind. He believed in the power of true love that lasted forever. He also believed he was supposed to have a rooster at his house. This belief was sorely tested over the years and only after a petition signed by the neighbors was he finally able to made it a reality again. He believed in the power of community and service to others. He strongly believed in God and that this physical life was not the end.

RIP dad – I know you are still with us in another form now – still wandering, learning, creating, and dreaming. Thank you for being a role model to us on a life well lived as a husband, dad, grandfather, son, brother, uncle, and friend. We will miss you terribly.

It was such a gift to hear my themes echoed in my sisters remembrances and to have my dad’s friends tell me I captured the man they knew, loved, and had puzzled over too. In the process, I found new reasons to appreciate my father.

He definitely lived his life for his eulogy! Well done dad!

I also blog at Adoptive Families Circle, Melting Pot Family, and my personal blogs: Balancing Motherhood and Career and Ethiopian Ties. You can find me on Twitter too ellenorea