LOVE SCAM
Warning : Before I write this article, I read many many self published books on this subject from Amazon and blogs in which people shared their own experiences. I also personally talked with people who suffered from these love scammers as well. I love to read your gentle comments. Please do not personalize my words! Remember, I was a journalist for many years, I studied psychology and I am a self-help writer!
Have you ever fallen in love with someone that you never saw in your life? Since internet connected all the continents together, love life got a bit cheaper. Before, people met with their lovers from school, work or parties and so on, now people meet with their lovers from this website and that website.
Unfortunately, many cyber love stories start as suddenly as they end up unexpectedly. When I was a journalist, I made some news about “the wedding night, the bride (or groom) stole all the money and ran away”. These news were rare, that's why we were publishing them. Newspapers never use very common news. They always try to find a man who bites a dog, not the other way around! 20 years later, the same things are happening in a different way. You think you find your dream lover, then s/he asks for money! Shame, right? If you are not too naive, you can understand s/he just wants your money, not your love!
Actually money asking love scammers are much more honest than the ones who play with your heart recklessly. Because when a person's purpose is only to play with your feelings for a while, you cannot get it as fast as the person who asks for your money! Heart gamers don't ask anything from you, they just come with a huge interest, then in less than a few days they become your boyfriend or girlfriend!
These people of course give you a great deal of euphoria! You have to be careful if your happiness starts depending on this particular person; because they know how to make you addicted to their love. They know what they are doing! They want you to feel so good, because their original idea is to take you down after all for them to feel good! As any narcissist, when you feel bad about yourself, when you act that s/he is more important than yourself, they will gain a tremendous amount of power. If you feel bad, that means they feel so good!
If you met with a person from internet or even in real life, watch the speed! These people take 100 meters in less than 10 seconds! They always hurry to say “I love you”, they give compliments so easily, they will blush your face with these beautiful words. They will tell you how great you are even if they know nothing about you! They will throw you into the air, then they will forget to catch you back, in a few days! Sooner or later you will end up on the floor with a broken heart.
The first days they will give all their time and energy for you. You can find yourself hungry and thirsty but still chatting with this stranger hours and hours! However, sooner or later, they will stop chatting with you as before. But they want you to be in their life. That's why they will email you, tell you how busy they are, how much they miss you.
When these chats turn to daily emails, you will not understand what is going on, you will really believe that they are busy. But then, these emails will start getting shorter and shorter, then they will start sending you less and less emails. After that, they will take off for a couple of days. Slowly they will vanish from your email. When they need you, they will write. A while later, they will make you their friends with benefit! In the mean time, when they are not around, they have another person they thrill with impressive love words! They are so busy!
These people's love is like holding a carrot in front of a donkey to make it walk! They will make you believe this fake thing is love, and they will make you try to catch their love! You will run, but it is not possible to catch this love. Because it is not love, it's a trap!! They don't love you, they want to play with you! They are good at this game, because they played it many many times with hundreds or thousands of other people before you. Even while they say to you “I will make you my soulmate” they copy paste the same sentence to another person!
They cannot love, they just want to spend time with you or fill their empty heart with your beautiful unconditional love! Because, they know, once you love them, there are some benefits you will start giving them. You will admire them, you will tell them loving words, even worse, you will share your body with them! These people have very very low self esteem! They so much need to hear good words to feel they are worthy. They need your words to feel good! They use you like their daily affirmation! Also they use you for their fantasies.
These people are extreme liars. The moment they finish with you, you cannot find them anywhere because perhaps even their phone number is virtual!
When they find another person with benefits, they leave you without looking their back or explaining anything! Some of them will make you feel guilty. They will start to come and go, sometimes you will never hear anything about them for a very long time. If you get angry, they will come and show how wrong you were! The poor little one was having some difficult moments in his/her life, you should be ashamed of yourself!
They always come to your reactions. Please think about it! When you send “I missed you so much” messages, they never ever answer. But they are champions when you get mad with them! “Oh you made me so upset now!” Like you are the wrong one, they will show their reactions, and then move on! Their goal is, “I loved you but you made me feel bad, that's why I'm leaving you!” They want your reaction to leave you, trust me on this!
They will wait for you to act them psychologically unstable, then the moment you lose your patience, they will write you! You will wish you had never written this message, because you will think, “see s/he came, s/he was just busy”. Then they will punish you with a silence treatment, as you were the guilty one. In the mean time, they will have great moments with their other cyber lover(s) with benefits!
These love scammers will make you feel rejected, then they will make you try to figure out what you did wrong, this will lead you to feel guilty, sooner or later you will lose your mind and get madly angry, right after that, all these messy feelings will take you to a very strong depression!
These sick people are good with mind games! Their goal and pleasure is to prove you this love ended because your psychology is very unstable! They are cheaters, trust me, this is not love, this is just a dirty game. This will make you feel guilty, shameful, not enough, unbalanced, hate yourself, hate your life! This will make you stop trusting people. This will take you to the darkest place in your mind and you will scare from love!
Do you want those feelings for real? Are you really that desperate to believe a cheater's lies and fake love words to make you feel good about yourself?
Please stop feeding these love scammers! I am not telling you, it is not right to love any person from the internet. You can! But real love doesn't sprout in an hour! If someone tells you “I love you” faster than the speed of light, run for your life!
For a few days of euphoria, don't waste your loving feelings for unworthy people.
Real love gives you cherished feelings everyday. There is no silence treatment in real love. If the person is having huge trouble in her/his life, s/he still can write you, because s/he will know that you will feel bad if they don't tell you anything. When love is real, they will hate to make you feel “guilty, shameful, hurt, confused, rejected, etc.”
If a person loves you for real, s/he will never make you wait for him/her, will so much scare to lose you, will always act for your happiness. If love is real, everything in this relationship is mutual and actions flow together, there is no room for mind games. Also a real love will never ask your naked photos or try to cybersex with you! Because real love will respect you head to toe!
Additionally I want to share something very important. When I started reading the comments, I understood that some of them believe these scammers most of the time target old and psychologically weak people. I don't think so! These scammers on the contrary are after unreachable people. Because it is much more rewarding for them to crush beautiful and strong people. That way, they feel more important! Love scammers' all point is, to feel important.
In the mean time, we cannot cure victims with calling them "stupid" or blaming them, how come they believed these scammers. You cannot cure any person with shame. Psychology's goal is making people feel good about their selves, not to hate their selves. When you comment, please think about this one more time. Your messages can injure a person, or even lead them to commit suicide. If you cannot make empathy, then please do not write anything!
Victoria Toumit
Faculty - Paradise Valley Community College - Information Science Division
4yGreat insight into this unfortunate scam, Victoria!❤🤔👍🙏🏻
MA
5yI had these same experiences but thank God, i was strong enough to avoid the temptation of being taken by "sweet talk" and the fact that i cant really fall in love with someone i have never seen in person. For me, knowledge is important whether on the internet or at work, etc.
Cost savings, contracts streamline expert. Global Supply Leader,⚓US Navy Officer, rewrote SOW for Navy service contract saving $10M+, LSS contract negotiation, skilled Innovator in government. Expert vendor surveillance
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