Make It Easier for Others to Relate to You

The basic idea: "Leadership has everything to do with the ability to influence people to do things that they may not ordinarily do," says Harry Kraemer, former CEO of Baxter International and now professor at the Kellogg School of Management. "The only way I know how to influence people," he continues, "Is that you have to be able to relate to people. I start off with this very simple model: If I can figure out a way to relate to you, maybe I can influence you and then I can lead you.”

In my own work, I've observed that this works both ways. The entrepreneurs who enjoy the most success—and the highest engagement online—are most open about their own personal experiences, mess ups and doubts. They make it easy for others to relate to them.

Speaking Sunday at the annual meeting of Marshall Goldsmith's 100 Coaches program, Kraemer observed that by sharing personal stories from his own life (not just lessons), he has been able to reach people on a more human level.

A bit more background: When clients first come to me, they often want to share wisdom and lessons. This is not necessarily a wise strategy, because acting like the smartest person in the room might not endear you to others.

A better strategy is to act like a human being. Talk about the time you messed up, and what you learned. Even better, talk about the time you messed up, and then ask for help learning from that situation. Provoke conversations, instead of giving lectures.

This makes you human. It becomes easier for others to relate to your life. Such details shift you from being a two-dimensional talking head to an actual human being who has emotions, aspirations, disappointments and other common experiences.

But it goes one step deeper. Kraemer spoke eloquently about the fact that to relate to others, you must first relate to yourself. He believes in the power of self-reflection, and for decades he has taken a minimum of 15 minutes every night to assess his performance during that day.

So, yes, when you share personal details about your life, you open the door for others to understand you, and to connect with you. In addition, you gain self-insight... and this may be the best way of all to relate more effectively to other human beings.

Bruce Kasanoff is a social media ghostwriter for entrepreneurs who helps his clients communicate what matters most.