Mark Cardwell | A Name Spoken Again

As the keynote speaker of the 2024 Creating Futures Benefit & Silent Auction, Mark Cardwell shared his powerful journey with the guests. Before his speech, the audience watched a moving video of Mark reuniting with his birth mother, Kay Redman, for the first time since he was a child. Mark was adopted at the age of five, after spending years in foster care, and he reconnected with his birth family decades later. Watch the reunion video and Mark’s presentation on YouTube here, or read what he shared below. 

“That was Kay Redman, my birth mother, who has since passed. That day was filled with so many emotions and so much happened to make it all come to fruition. One thing about that moment that you couldn’t see or hear—and by the way, thank you so much for allowing me this opportunity—is that when my mother hugged me, she very quietly exhaled my name, my birth name. I hadn’t heard my mother say my name since I was four years old. It was a powerful moment.

I’ve done some speaking before, and last year’s speaker encouraged me, but this topic has the ability to transport me back to a time of vulnerability. So, if you don’t mind, I’m not going to take up too much of your time, but I am going to take my time. That’s all. Thank you.

Those other people in the video were my siblings, whom I didn’t know I had. I always felt I had a sister, and she was one of the driving forces for me to seek out my identity, my original family, because I missed her. Then I found out I had two brothers and another sister. They’re a little bit older, and I feel so blessed to have been able to connect with them. Then, I found out I had a father. I thought, "Well, this is just too much." I was happy to find my mother and sister, but boy, it was a lot to take in. It has been quite a journey, full of crazy, funny, and interesting things.

My sister, Toni, came over to the house, and we were sitting on the couch going through family photo albums, just looking at pictures so I could see what I looked like growing up. As we were flipping through the album, we stopped on a page, and she asked, “You know Felton?” I said, “Yeah, that’s my wife’s brother.” She replied, “Well, he married... my ex-husband’s sister.” We were both sitting there on the couch, realizing that my ex-wife’s brother had married her ex-husband’s sister.

But here’s where it gets even crazier. As we kept looking at pictures from around the time they got married. I said, “We went to that wedding. Did you go?” She said, “Yeah, I was there.” I was shocked and said, “Well, we must have seen each other.” Then she added, “My kids were in the wedding.” I couldn’t believe it…

So there we were, my sister, who I had missed all my life, and I had been at the same wedding. Our kids was running around together, and we had no idea. That’s something I really wanted to share with you.

There are two things I want to tell you. First, I wouldn’t have been able to do this search if it hadn’t been for Adoption Network Cleveland. A friend told me about the work they were doing to open records, and I said, “I’m all for that.” It was as if, again, I was five years old.

When I first talked with Betsie over the phone, I knew I was speaking with someone who understood where I was coming from. I really want you to get the importance of Adoption Network Cleveland, so I’m going to tell you a story. It’s kind of personal. I’ve only shared with a handful of people, so I was nervous about it. Y’all, pray for me.

Kay Redman, my birth mother, she had such a pretty smile—that’s where I get it from. I found out I also have her laugh. I have a memory of around four years old; Kay used to visit one of my last foster homes and didn’t interact or engage much, but we always hugged before she left. I remember one day at the door, my mother bent down, she always got on her knees, and I came over to her and she hugged me.

And that same lady that exhaled my name, Anthony, [when we met again in 2015] told me very quietly that she was never going to be able to see me again. And it broke me. I was about four years old, but it broke me. I went into a quiet place where I had a little desk and I put my head down. In my mind, I felt like I was falling into this deep, dark, almost pitch-black hole of despair. As I was falling, I got scared and could only muster two words: “Help me.”

Help me.

In the next year or so, I was adopted by a very loving family, Lester and Evelyn Cardwell, and my name was changed to Mark—they already had an adopted boy named Anthony, so that would’ve been confusing. Now you see why it was important for me to hear my birth mother call my name.

Lester and Evelyn were wonderful parents who loved me, but they didn’t know how to help me. I was still in that place, I just added on another layer. We—kids who have gone through the system—just add on another layer. But I was still in that place of “Help me.”

My mom and dad loved me for sure, no doubt, but they didn’t really understand what I needed. I went to school and they always had counselors to see how I was doing, but they didn’t know how to help—they didn’t understand what that “Help me” meant.

I got married, had kids, I did all of that and was still at that “Help me” place. When I finally started the search, it was the conversation I had with Betsie, I knew I was talking to somebody who knew how to help me, and who understood what was going on. I had lost time, my family, and my identity.

As we think about supporting Adoption Network Cleveland, I want you to do me one favor: close your eyes and listen. If you listen closely, you will hear thousands of people right now, in their darkest place—in trauma, in confusion, in the separations. They may not be putting all the words together, but they’re all in one way or another saying, “Help me.”

This organization is uniquely equipped to provide that help, that assistance, that empathy, that understanding, that hand-holding. I don’t know how many times I reached out with questions about the process, needing reassurance to keep moving forward. Wonderful staff, wonderful organization.

There are many organizations out there, but what makes this one stand out is having a founder who has maintained the fire for this cause. This is unique. This is impactful. And this is important. I want you to always remember that when you support Adoption Network Cleveland, you are supporting all of those people, all of those young people, all of those families that are saying, in one way or another, “Help me.”