A Message for Parents

I came across this beautiful poem by Kahlil Gibran.

On Children

Kahlil Gibran (1883-1931)

And a woman who held a babe against her bosom said, speak to us of Children.

 And he said:  Your children are not your children.  

They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.  

They come through you but not from you, and though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts, for they have their own thoughts.  

You may house their bodies but not their souls,  for their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.

You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.  

For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.

The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and he bends you with his might that his arrows may go swift and far.  

Let your bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness;  for even as he loves the arrow that flies, so he loves also the bow that is stable.

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‘On Children’ by Kahlil Gibran is a thought-provoking poem that talks about how parents should think while raising their children, not thinking of them as their property but as a part of the universal soul.

As parents, we knowingly or unknowingly project our own personal ambitions and expectations on our children. We expect them to be reflections of us- whether it is through our careers, our values, our ambitions or even the expectations we have of ourselves. In the timeless words of Khalil Gibran's "On Children," we find wisdom that transcends generations, reminding us of the profound journey of parenthood. Like a bow that bends with the wind, we are entrusted with the delicate task of guiding our children while allowing them to chart their own course.

Our children are not ours to possess but rather gifts entrusted to us by life itself. They come through us but belong not to us, each bearing their unique essence and purpose. As they navigate the seas of life, we stand as their steadfast lighthouses, offering guidance, love, and unwavering support.

Let us remember that our children are not extensions of ourselves but individuals with their own dreams, aspirations, and destinies. Ultimately, while we do bring up our children and provide them with nourishment, we must not impose our thoughts on them, as they will have their own thoughts as individuals. If we try to shape them to be just like us, we may end up eliminating what truly makes them unique individuals.

Our duty as parents lies in our responsibility to nurture and guide them as they grow and become people of their own thoughts, values and ambitions. We must guide them and help them, but we must not impose ourselves on them.

We often fear the safety and security of our children, and we find ourselves being anxious about the fact that they may sometimes lose their way. But we also must remember that as parents, we have brought up our children to resonate the values we hold dear and that ultimately, the choices they make will be guided by their upbringing.

Our children might be a reflection of us, but they are not us. They may grow up and get carried away or lost sometimes, but they will find their way in the world, just as we did. We must however strive to understand them, and have a relationship with them where they can come to us for guidance. However, we must also parent them, and not get lost only in the desire to be a good friend to them.

As they spread their wings and soar into the vast unknown, may we grant them the freedom to explore, to stumble, and to rise again, for it is through their trials that they shall find their true strength. For in the end, what remains is not the legacy we leave behind but the love we impart, the memories we create, and the bonds that transcend time and space.