Mind Games: The Stories We Tell Ourselves (and How to Rewrite the Script
Jaimé Turner
Educator @ lululemon | Founder @ 🆃🅷🅴 🅱🅸🆃🅴-🆂🅸🆉🅴🅳 🅱🆁🅸🅴🅵 | Curious Mind & Growth Seeker
"The most powerful person in the world is the storyteller. The storyteller sets the vision, values, and agenda of an entire generation that is to come." - Steve Jobs
Hold onto your hats, folks, because we're about to embark on a journey into the deepest, darkest corners of your mind – a place where narratives are spun, villains are created, and heroes rise (or fall) depending on the whims of your inner storyteller. That's right, we're talking about the stories we tell ourselves – those sneaky little narratives that shape our reality, influence our decisions, and sometimes even sabotage our success.
Before we delve into the fascinating world of our inner narratives, let's take a moment to ground ourselves. Literally. When faced with a challenging situation, the first step is to regulate your nervous system. Take a few deep breaths, relax your muscles, and create a sense of calm within. This will help you approach the situation with clarity and composure, rather than reacting from a place of stress or anxiety.
Think of your mind as a 24/7 streaming service, constantly churning out content. But instead of binge-watching "The Office" for the tenth time, you're stuck with an endless loop of your own personal drama. And the worst part? You're the writer, director, and star of the show.
Now, before you start reaching for the remote, let's be clear: storytelling is a fundamental part of the human experience. It's how we make sense of the world, connect with others, and even build entire civilizations. But like that questionable gas station sushi, storytelling can also be a recipe for disaster if not consumed with caution. After all, research has shown that stories are remembered up to 22 times more than facts alone. (Bruner) So those narratives you're spinning in your head? They're really sticking with you, for better or worse.
The Narrator in Your Head: Friend or Foe?
That voice in your head? The one that comments on your every move, judges your every decision, and whispers sweet nothings (or not-so-sweet insults) into your ear? That's your inner narrator, and they can be a real pain in the neck sometimes.
This narrator loves to spin tales, especially when it comes to interpreting events. Let's say you stumble over your words during a presentation. Your helpful narrator might chime in with, "You're such an idiot! Everyone thinks you're incompetent now." Or, if a colleague seems distant, the narrator might weave a tale of betrayal and conspiracy, convincing you they're plotting your demise.
The problem is, these stories aren't always based on facts. They're often fueled by our assumptions, fears, insecurities, and past experiences, leading to a whole lot of drama and unnecessary stress. It's like your narrator is a gossip columnist, always looking for the juiciest (and often most negative) angle. And remember, negative self-talk can significantly increase stress and anxiety, as backed by numerous studies in psychology. So, that inner critic isn't just annoying, it's actually impacting your well-being. Remember, assumptions create stories, so it's crucial to challenge those assumptions and seek out the truth.
Workplace Drama: The Sequel Nobody Asked For
This inner storytelling reaches a whole new level of intensity in the workplace. Think about it: deadlines, performance reviews, office politics – it's a breeding ground for anxiety and self-doubt.
That missed deadline? Suddenly, it's a career-ending catastrophe. And that critical comment from your boss? Cue the full-blown existential crisis. Your inner narrator is working overtime, casting you as the tragic hero in a Shakespearean workplace drama.
But here's the thing: these stories can seriously impact your performance, relationships, and overall well-being. Negative self-talk can erode your confidence, limit your potential, and even lead to burnout. It's like bringing a soggy baguette to a potluck – nobody wins.
Reframing: The Art of a Rewritten Narrative
So, how do we break free from these self-sabotaging stories? Enter the power of reframing – the mental equivalent of turning that leftover baguette into delicious croutons.
Reframing is all about challenging your inner narrator and looking at situations from different perspectives. It's like switching channels on your mental TV, replacing the doom-and-gloom drama with a more empowering and realistic sitcom. To effectively reframe your narrative, it's crucial to stay in the present moment. Focus on what you can control right now, rather than dwelling on the past or worrying about the future. This will help you approach challenges with clarity and intention.
Instead of catastrophizing that missed deadline, you might reframe it as a learning opportunity. Instead of assuming your colleague hates you, you might consider that they're simply having a bad day. It's about choosing to see the glass half full (or at least acknowledging that there is a glass). And remember, positive self-talk can actually improve your performance and motivation, according to a wealth of research. So, flipping the script isn't just about feeling better, it's about achieving better results.
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Setting Boundaries: Don't Make Requests, State Your Needs
But reframing isn't just about changing your internal dialogue. It's also about how you communicate your needs to others. Instead of making requests, try confidently stating your needs and boundaries. For example, instead of saying, 'You should really try giving more positive feedback,' try saying, 'Positive reinforcement really helps my motivation and engagement. I would appreciate it if you could focus on providing more positive feedback.' This subtle shift in language empowers you to take ownership of your experience and set clear expectations. When expressing yourself, practice talking about the baby, not the birth. Instead of focusing on blame or fault, focus on the desired outcome. This will make your communication more effective and less likely to trigger defensiveness in others.
Unconscious Bias: The Uninvited Guest
Now, let's talk about unconscious bias – those sneaky prejudices that lurk in the shadows of our minds, influencing our perceptions and decisions without us even realizing it. It's like finding a hidden ingredient in your favorite dish – unexpected and potentially unpleasant.
These biases are often shaped by the stories we've been told throughout our lives – stories about gender, race, age, and other social categories. They can lead us to make assumptions, jump to conclusions, and even discriminate against others, all while thinking we're being perfectly objective. It's no wonder that 92% of consumers want brands to create ads that feel like a story (OneSpot) – these narratives have a powerful influence on our preferences and perceptions, even if we're not consciously aware of it.
But here's the good news: by becoming aware of our biases and actively challenging them, we can create a more inclusive and equitable workplace. It's like swapping out that artificial sweetener for some good old-fashioned honey – a healthier choice for everyone.
The Power of "Yet": A Recipe for Growth
One of the most powerful reframing techniques is embracing the power of "yet." Instead of saying "I'm not good at this," try "I'm not good at this yet." It's a subtle shift in language, but it opens up a world of possibility.
The word "yet" acknowledges that you're on a journey of learning and growth. It reminds you that you're not defined by your current limitations, and that with effort and perseverance, you can achieve your goals. It's like adding a pinch of yeast to your dough – it allows for expansion and transformation. And don't forget, our beliefs about ourselves can actually shape our reality. So, believing in your potential for growth can actually help you achieve it.
The Final Dish:
The stories we tell ourselves are powerful. They can lift us up or tear us down, empower us or hold us back. By becoming aware of our inner narrator, practicing reframing, and challenging our biases, we can take control of our narratives and create a more positive and fulfilling reality. Remember, you're not just the star of your own show – you're also the writer, director, and producer. So, choose your stories wisely, and make sure they're worth watching.
Bite In, Get Winning:
Now, it's your turn to tell the story! What are some of the stories you tell yourself? How have they impacted your life and work? Share your experiences in the comments below – we'd love to hear from you!
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Bon appétit! 🍽️