Mindset, Decision Making and Coaching

Mindset – it can affect directly how successful we are (however you choose to measure success). But what do we mean by mindset? How do we define it and what does it really mean for us?

Broadly, your mindset could be categorised as how you view the world and you relationship with it. What is your sense of self? What is the story you tell yourself about you and how does that affect your behaviour?

It is also about how you solve problems, overcome obstacles and seize opportunities.

In this short article, we’ll look at how mindset has affected me and what coaching actually does to you (and how that can positively change how you view the world)

Because, if you think that your mindset might not be serving you, coaching might be part of the solution to getting your brain to serve you in a way that you want or desire it to.

First, a little bit of neuro (bro) science. Broadly speaking our brain comes in three parts; (actual neuro-scientists squirming at this point) The first part is our ‘lizard’ brain, the bit that sub-consciously keeps our bodily functions going; the next is our chimp brain – which leads us to react to things, make connections with other beings – it enables us to survive in our environment. And finally, we have the human part – the pre-frontal cortex. This is the problem-solving part of the brain where reason, language and logic etc exist.

What happens is that we use a combination of these brain ‘parts’ in our everyday lives. For many activities we have developed habits – we’ve seen a similar scenario before and we do what worked before. We are on auto-pilot – that’s why you can lose concentration when driving and before you know it you’re ten minutes down the road with no recollection of the driving part.

Other scenarios are new and we need to figure out what to do. But some scenarios are stressful; here the neo-cortex (human brain) actually begins to shut off. It uses a huge amount of energy to run and the body decides that the stress (perceived as a threat) requires more energy to counter through a fight, flight, freeze of fawn response. So we then act on instinct, rather than problem solving. It’s a physiological response – and in the past it kept us alive.

But lots of our perceived threats are no longer an actual threat to life or safety; they are stress induced by the modern world OR even our own thoughts.

And this is where our mindset comes in.

My Personal Mindset Issue

For many years, I suffered (still do to an extent) with perfectionism. If I couldn’t do something perfectly, I didn’t see the point in doing it. But worse than that, I also craved external validation that what I was doing was genuinely good.

Now this isn’t all bad, because when I decided that I WANTED to do something, I became hyper focussed at being the very best at it. I read extensively, I learned skills, knowledge and practiced whatever it was. Not because I wanted to be the best per-se, but to me it wasn’t worth doing if you weren’t doing it well.

So frequently I’d be surprised when I was the best at stuff, because I assumed that everyone took the same approach. And the more I experienced, the more I realised that they didn’t – and I built an identity about being really good at what I set my mind to.

BUT – this came with another edge. Because I craved that external validation – if that wasn’t forthcoming it destroyed my confidence. You see, I wouldn’t commit to anything unless I was all in. And I wouldn’t expose myself unless I thought I was really good at something. That would be work, sport, anything.

So, if that’s your mindset – when you get knocked back by external factors or ‘criticism’ it’s kind of soul destroying.

But this is the case, because our brain is treating this perceived criticism as a THREAT. Your logic is actually shutting down! You are in Fight, Flight, Freeze or Fawn.

But the threat exists only in your head, because of the mindset you’ve developed!  How stupid is that?! Perhaps we aren’t as evolved as we think we are!!

Making Better Decisions

When we make decisions, we do so from two perspectives. What do we feel and what do we know. What we feel, our ‘gut’ instinct is actually the more powerful, it’s intuitive and to an extent what makes us human.  We do actually have neurological cells in our gut, so we genuinely are thinking so to speak.

What our logic does, is present the data we have collected to make an informed choice.

Now, what we need to do to take the most out of both of these decision pathways, is be in a state of relative calm. Because when we bring ourselves into a state of calm, we can have all elements of the brain working.

Often, we find that people are overly reliant on one or the other form of decision. This can lead variously to too many gut decisions and possibly rash decision making (or risk averse decision making) or on the other side, analysis paralysis – not wanting to make a decision because of an endless search for the perfect data to be available.

But one of the first lessons at the Royal Military Academy Sandhurst is: The perfect decision made too late loses to the good decision made quickly – every time.

How Coaching aids the process - neurologically

The amazing thing about the human brain, is that for our whole lives, we maintain neuroplasticity. This means that we can actually rewire our brain, learn new skills and new habits for our whole life! The term,” you can’t teach an old dog new tricks”, doesn’t apply to people – if they are willing to change.

The other factor about our brains that is amazing, is that there appears to be no discernible difference in our potential to learn skills or habits through visualisation or imagining as compared to physically learning. That’s why elite sportspeople and special forces use visualisation as part of their preparation.

Through visualising and imagining – we can actually positively (or negatively) effect future behaviour. We can think our way into a new neural pathway. Isn’t that amazing?

What coaching does therefore, is provide that framework and space to think, so that we can affect our behaviour in a way that is positive towards the goals and aims that we want to achieve.

A skilful coach can also recognise when their client slips into a stress response and can work with them to bring them down into logic so that they can think clearly again.

So if you take my example, coaching helps me in two ways:

First: coaching can help feed my desire to be good at something before I really need to show it and to ‘perfect’ a skill through visualisation. It enhances my natural tendency to do this.

Second: Coaching helps me to take knockbacks and get them into perspective. By thinking through the issue in a non-judgemental way, I can cope better with rejection, feedback etc and crucially PLAN for how I will respond to those perceived threats before I get there. I can train my brain to work differently.

In conclusion, mindset is a powerful determinant of our success and well-being, influencing how we perceive and interact with the world around us. Our sense of self, the narratives we tell ourselves, and our approach to challenges and opportunities are all deeply rooted in our mindset. Understanding and reshaping our mindset can lead to profound changes in our behaviour and decision-making processes. By recognising the interplay between the different parts of our brain—the lizard, chimp, and human brains—we can better understand why we react the way we do in various situations and how to leverage our neurobiology to our advantage.

Coaching emerges as a vital tool in this context, offering a structured and supportive environment to facilitate mindset shifts. It helps individuals harness the power of their brains through techniques like visualisation and structured reflection, enabling them to build new neural pathways and adopt more effective habits. For individuals like me, who grapple with perfectionism and the need for external validation, coaching provides a dual benefit. It enhances our innate drive for excellence through positive reinforcement and visualisation while simultaneously helping us manage setbacks and criticism more constructively.

The impact of coaching is not merely psychological but also deeply neurological. By maintaining a state of neuroplasticity, our brains are capable of continuous learning and adaptation, regardless of age. This adaptability underscores the potential for lifelong growth and improvement, debunking the myth that old habits cannot be changed. Coaching taps into this potential, offering a pathway to rewire our brains for success, resilience, and better decision-making.

Ultimately, the journey to a more productive and fulfilling life, begins with a shift in mindset. Coaching provides the guidance and tools necessary to navigate this journey, helping us transform our thought patterns, enhance our problem-solving abilities, and respond to challenges with greater composure and clarity. By investing in our mindset through coaching, we equip ourselves to achieve our goals and thrive in an ever-evolving world.