Mistakes don’t define you, they refine you

You are more than the mistakes that you have committed...

After every milestone that I have achieved, I find myself looking back at how things have changed. Specifically, I've realized how some things did not work out, but overall, everything seems to be okay and altogether. I look back to how much I've grown up after the experiences I have endured. I look back to all the accomplishments I have made along the way, but at the back of my mind, I still wish that those disappointments - or what I would call "mistakes" in my mind - did not occur. Even with all the different types of accomplishments, I've made, whether it is school, career, or social-life related, I am still not happy that some things did not work out the way that I expected them to. Rather I should put it this way; I was not happy that some things did not work out the way I wanted them to... That's right. I've learned to accept my mistakes. I have stopped letting them define me. I have stopped letting other people define me because of my mistakes, and most importantly, I have stopped letting my mistakes to define me as an individual.

No one can reduce mistakes to zero, but you can learn to harness your drive to prevent them and channel it into better decision making. Use these tips to become a more effective worrier.

1. Making mistakes teach us valuable lessons.... (And Put Those Lessons Into Practice)

Vincent Van Gogh said, “Even the knowledge of my own fallibility cannot keep me from making mistakes. Only when I fall do I get up again.”

Think back to the last mistake that you made at work. Even if it was a minor one, like spilling coffee on a document seconds before you were due to present it, you'll likely have felt a rush of panic and then had the inconvenience of putting things right.

No one is immune to making mistakes – we are human, after all! But if we simply apologize and carry on as before, we're in danger of repeating the same errors.

When we don't learn from our mistakes, we inflict unnecessary stress on ourselves and on others, and we risk losing people's confidence and trust in us.

2. Mistakes teach us to be forgiving.

“Forgiveness is the fragrance the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.” – Mark Twain

We all have gone through mistakes, failures and disappointments in our lives. The most important lesson to learn about mistakes is gentle on you.

We understand that mistakes do happen and growing up and forgiving oneself is the first step to healing. You will encounter failures, hurt and struggles. If not learned life lessons forgiving and letting it go, we end up hurting ourselves.  Forgiving others can be simple “I'm sorry”. Listen to your body by not letting go of your hurt can cause you to feel sad. Your sadness may turn into depression if left untreated. Look at ways to forgive you. Start by learning to forgive others and start letting go.

An apology does not make you weak, it goes a long way and will make you feel better. Our Mental Health depends on us to simply let go of the inner pain. Holding on to negative feelings or guilt will solve nothing but will make the problem seem worse.

3. Mistakes help us let go of our fears.

“You can only go forward by making mistakes,” Alexander McQueen

Some people are afraid to make mistakes. Or they are afraid to try things at which they won’t be good. How can you get good at something without trying — and failing — at it first?

On its own, being afraid of making mistakes doesn’t make you more or less likely to make good decisions. If you worry excessively in a way that focuses only on how bad the experience of stress and uncertainty feels, you might make do or say the wrong things. However, if you understand how anxiety works at a cognitive level, you can use it to motivate careful but bold and well-reasoned choices. 

4. Making mistakes is essential to living a life without regrets.

“A man’s mistakes are his portals of discovery.” – James Joyce

We all hope to live a life with no regrets – but how many of us do? Many of us have known regret. Some regrets are unavoidable, but sometimes they can take over our lives.

When we acknowledge our feeling of being in regret, evaluate the situations that happened in the past and turn it into a positive change. Sort out all your failures and make sure you do not make the same mistakes again. Think of it as an action in the past that will make a better tomorrow for you

5. Mistakes help you grow as a person.

“Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes.” – Oscar Wilde

I’ve made lots of mistakes but it gives me a lot of perspectives as well. If I hadn’t taken those turns or gone down those paths — even when they quickly became obvious, they were the wrong ones — I wouldn’t be the person I am today. I also would not appreciate my life as much as I do. If everything had come easily, the things I’ve been able to achieve wouldn’t mean as much. I can also be a more accepting and forgiving person overall, knowing how much I’ve made mistakes in my own life at times.

6. Mistakes lead to success.

“Fall down seven times, get up eight.” – Chinese Proverb

Most people who are an “overnight success” took years to get where they are. Do you have a goal in mind? A business you want to pursue or a race you want to win? Go look up those people in your field that you admire and find out how long and hard they worked to get where they are. While you don’t have to emulate their struggles, simply recognizing that they didn’t get where they are right away is a huge step in your own success. Everyone takes odd paths and has hard times. The more mistakes you make, the faster you will realize how much you want to do that thing you want to do — and whether or not it’s worth it.

7. Mistakes allow us to see how we are like others.

“The only real mistake is the one from which we learn nothing.” – John Powell

Let’s be honest, we all think we’re pretty special. Anything we do, any mistake we make, we often feel like we are the only one to experience it in the way we do. Unfortunately, that’s entirely untrue. With more than 7 billion people on the planet, the likelihood that we are the first to make a certain mistake — or the first to feel a certain way is really unlikely. I hate to break it to you, but you’re not special. And neither am I. But that’s OK. We are special to certain people in our lives and we can still enjoy those moments that are special to us. The greatest advantage of making mistakes is learning that we are just like other people. This gives us more empathy for others — no matter how different from us they are — and the understanding that no matter what we’ve done wrong, someone else has likely done it before.

Takeaway

“A mistake that humbles you is better than an achievement that makes you arrogant”

So remember, next time you make a mistake, use them to refine you and help you elevate your game rather than crush and paralyze you.

Whether in relationships or a position of professional power, it’s so easy to get carried away with a sense of superiority because you’ve made good decisions in the past. Fact is all of us in relationships or the professional arena are humans and prone to making mistakes. The importance of making a mistake is in its realisation, not in its denial. Nothing is or should stagnate and in the process of growing and transforming, we are constantly treading new turf, attempting to take ourselves, our relationships, and our work to greater levels.