Modern Man: A Rhetoric on Social Acceptance and Behaviour

In our post-industrial world, we lack a clear model of what a striking man is. Centuries ago, the all-pervasive role and duty was power and protection. Decades ago, it was to provide. But now? Not quite sure. We are either the first or second generation to grow up without a clear definition of what our social roles are supposed to be, and without an archetypal of what it is to be a strong and an attractive man.

Let’s discuss, what being an attractive, chivalrous, integrated man looks like in the 21st century. That means going on the past standards of protector and provider, of strength and patience, improving ourselves into something bigger and better, something more appealing, with camaraderie.

Few years ago, when I began helping improve social interactions and relationships, I had no idea the rabbit hole of information and self-development I was about to go down, both for myself and for others with all the primary concerns of social life.

It wasn’t until I sat down and tried to get to the point of how deep our emotional development actually goes, and how difficult it is to inspire a genuine movement, albeit personal.

I won’t lie, in hindsight, getting myself to that point seems easy now by comparison. Growing up, I had always been somewhat of an average guy.

Then, a desperate need for validation and acceptance arose within me and I spent an inordinate amount of time pursuing that, far more than most men ever do.

After all of that, over the enriching and challenging years, I came to realize that there are two movements occurring right now.

The first one is a greater social and emotional movement across cultures. There’s a call for a new machismo lacking for generations. There’s been a void of what true men are, what they’re supposed to be, how they’re supposed to behave, and until now no one has moved to fill that void.

Call it over-ambitious, but the aim is to begin fill that void, to help create the future models of men: to be attractive, powerful, in control of relationships and with life in general.

The second movement is happening within you and I personally. It’s an emotional movement. We want to change our interactions and relationships within our lives. We want these relationships to improve, to be abundant. We want to feel confident and empowered around others, those we know and those we don’t know but want to meet. We want to feel in control of our relationships with them. We want to interact with fellow humans without shame or hesitation or regret or pain.

This is an internal movement. It took me a long time to come to grips with that. Although this second movement often begins by being conscious of changing our behaviour, driven towards a resultant shift in our internal conduct. The process itself is an inner one, a shift of emotional disposition, which is then reflected in our social and family life.

When you change your beliefs and mindsets, the behaviour follows.

The larger social movement is merely a backdrop, and it only briefly gives context to your current situation. Your failures aren’t caused because you say the wrong thing or look like the wrong guy. Words and appearances are merely a symptom of a greater problem.

Your failures happen because you grew up emotionally ill-equipped to deal with others. The words you say and looks you have are merely a side-effect of that.

This isn’t just about intellectually understanding how to stand, how to talk, how to behave. This isn’t ‘faking it until you make it’. It’s deeper than that. This is about intellectually learning the behaviours that will cause your emotions to shift, which will then lead to permanent and unconscious changes to transform you into the striking man you can be.

Let’s aim to arm ourselves with the behaviours that will form that emotional foundation we never received in adolescence, to present the reception you and I missed out on.

And once you begin this internal shift, you’ll find that the social actions – saying the right thing, knowing how to approach others in social situations, etc. – they will all begin to fall into place, in a more profound and powerful way than simply memorizing some fancy lines, power verbs or following some sort of arbitrary procedure.

It’s not theoretical, it’s the big picture stuff, because it’s important to lay a foundation to explain the realities of acceptable behaviour, and what determines your value in the social and professional market. The idea is to slowly hone in on necessary actions and habits. I believe it’s important to brood why you should do certain actions and behaviours before confronting others.

The focus should be on polarizing reactions from others to screen for the ones most receptive to your identity. You should also address rejection as to how to use it to your advantage rather than let it hinder you. No faking of being a ‘perfect 10 / 10’ by coming up with scripted pick-up lines.

It points to developing courage and becoming a man of action. Men are expected to initiate in all phases of life, and therefore a man who is hesitant, anxious or afraid of initiating will not get very far with most humans. It requires diligence but provides real and lasting change to those willing to dedicate themselves.

Finally, it’s more about the nuts and bolts of communicating more effectively, more attractively, more openly, and more confidently.

The aim is to peep into your emotions and how you operate, while giving you with an in-depth perspective for improving yourself and achieving your goals.

If you’re looking for a manual full of life procedures, ‘say this line and then execute plan XYZ, followed by …’, then you’re going to be disappointed. You are going to be disappointed with every text that gives advice like that. Because they are band-aid solutions.

Until you learn to trust your own actions and pursue social skills with your own unique style and personality, you have learned absolutely nothing.

This learning we should have received a long time ago, from a number of sources, but never did.

And it has not only to do with what we’re saying, but also with body, expression, emotion and movement.

Emerson once wrote, ‘What you do speaks so loudly, I cannot hear what you say’. Social life is an interplay of emotions. Your movement or lack of movement reflects and alters emotions, not the words. Words are the side-effect. Friend circle, familiarity, attraction, like-minded group, is the side-effect. The game is directed and controlled emotions, communicated through movement.

Do you realize that our culture has become stationary? We spend our time sitting behind desks, behind screens and in cars. We don’t move like we used to and we don’t feel like we used to.

Over this text, I invite and try to inspire you to move. To get up out of that chair, to go outside, to dare to feel, to experiment and to connect. This will involve getting off your ass, but that’s a good thing. And if you promise to move, then life promises change. Slowly, your looks will change, your words will change, and your actions will change. And hopefully, maybe something amazing will happen. Your emotions will shift and move and vibrate and with them the people of the world will feel your resonance and come calling, connected at another level.