The Mother Wound

Bethany Webster writes in Discovering the Inner Mother, “The Mother Wound is a common wound we as women all share, and it’s a bridge for us to connect with each other, to heal, to grow and to emerge from patriarchy and into a new era of collective female power.”[i] Webster verbalizes what Jane described as being “fundamentally flawed” by talking about the “vague, persistent sense that there’s something wrong with me.” So many women never actualize their potential because we fear failure and can't stand the thought of not succeeding. Weak boundaries lead to failure after failure; as Webster notes, we self-sabotage just as we get close to a breakthrough, disconnecting from our feelings and gaining power by controlling others.

Real power, Webster writes, “is characterized as coming from a place of equality, partnership, mutuality, goodwill, intimacy, and validation.” That doesn’t give us permission to stuff our emotions, in fact Webster defines that emotional intelligence “comes from the ability to feel all kinds of emotions without getting stuck or identified with any of them.” She uses the term “emotional fluency” to describe someone like Jane who feels deeply but doesn’t need to express her emotion through tears. Webster writes, “there is no such thing as failure, only learning. As we become safer within, we become free to take risks, to chart new territory, to really explore the inner landscape without the usual fear of ‘What will they think of me?’” No sugar coating.

Honest moment here. There has been a lot of talk about patriarchy since The Barbie Movie came out, and even since my post last week. If we are looking for someone to blame, patriarchy is not a good candidate. On a case by case basis, there are some very supportive men in the workplace. As an engineer, my daughter just joined a workplace that is 80% men. If you ask her whether men and women are treated differently, she'll tell you she has not noticed it in her engineering program or at work.

Is it possible that matters of competency are confused with discrimination?

Crazy, as Usual elevates the need for conversation so we can "connect with each other, to heal, to grow," but it's not to ignite a movement against men. Our goal is quite the opposite -- to create "emotional fluency" so we are not discredited by an emotional reaction and to pursue partnership. The best place to do that is in a safe conversation where we can test our messages. You can get more information on Fridays at Five at crazyasusual.com

To learn more about Bethany Webster and her book, Discovering the Inner Mother, go to www.bethanywebster.com.

[i] Webster, Bethany (2021). Discovering the Inner Mother: A Guide to Healing the Mother Wound and Claiming Your Personal Power.