MRS THERESA ‘BABY’ ONOMOANE ASEKHAMEH (NEE OSABOMEH): MY REMARKABLE SISTER AND ROLE MODEL

Armed with a letter written by his own hand, the hand of my maternal grandfather, the great and mystic Mallam Idrisu ‘Idi’ Ekpoki dated Saturday, January 13, 1962, and accompanied by her immediate elder brother, the late Mallam Zuberu Ozizi, my mother, Mama Jeminetu Osabomeh (Nee Idi Ekpoki) went to Kaduna to begin her marriage to my late father, Mr Dominic Sule Osabomeh.

This marriage, signalled the beginning of our present genealogy because my father, very early in his life, lost both his parents, Mr Etu Osabomeh and Mama Imiegomeh Etu Osabomeh, particularly his mother, Mama Imiegomeh who died in the waters of River Niger on her way back from one of her trading expeditions to Onyedega, Ibaji land in the present day Kogi State when the storms of the river and the tide and wave of the rain capsized the canoe that she was travelling in, and her dead body was never recovered, sadly.

At that time, she was said to be a very successful and wealthy trader, trading in fish and farm produce, but her blossoming life was cut short by the waters of River Niger even before it began for her, leaving my father without a mother at a young age.

So, my father was born without a sister or brother. He was alone, born alone and in this, he experienced so much hardship early in his life, but for God’s divine grace as He provided people like his first cousin, the late Alhaji (Chief) Aliyu ‘Sidico’ Salufu which I have since chronicled as ‘Alhaji (Chief) Aliyu ‘Sidico’ Salufu: A Good Uncle, A Worthy Father!’ on Sunday, February 12, 2023 to sufficiently provide for him before he left for Kaduna in the early 60s.

The marriage to my mother, Mama Jeminetu Osabomeh (Nee Idi Ekpoki) on Saturday, January 13, 1962, was therefore a welcome relief to fill these gaps, the gaps of a mother as well as a sister, and perhaps of a brother, natural privileges that my father never enjoyed, especially early in his life, and sadly, throughout his entire life.    

Every marriage is expected to be fruitful; this is the natural expectation, and the birth of a child is always a joyful event or thing in the life of a family because as Rabindranath Lagore, the 18th century Indian Poet, Writer, Playwright, Composer, Philosopher, Social Reformer and Painter would put it ‘every child comes into the world with the assurance that God is not yet fed up with the human race,’ and so my elder sister was born on Sunday, March 28, 1965 in Kaduna as the second child of five (5) children of our family, but before she was born, her immediate elder sister and the first child of the family had died, at infancy before her own birth and the same fate befell her again as her immediate younger sister, the third child of the family had died, almost at infancy before my own birth and sadly too, my own immediate younger sister died in mysterious circumstances at our Community, Udochi and as I grew older, the mysterious circumstances surrounding her death has continued to become so real to me, as if it happened now.

However, she was named ‘Baby’ at birth which was common then for new babies whose naming ceremonies have not been conducted, but after the traditional eight (8) days, she was christened ‘Theresa’ in line with our family Christian religion of the Catholic Faith and was given the native name, Onomoane (it is only those that have material possessions that people know or appreciate) specially by our father. She was equally, in honour and respect to our living environment, named ‘Lahadi’ or ‘Ladi’ in accordance with the Islamic name for female children born in Moslem environment on Sundays as our family was then living at Bida Road, Kaduna and our mother, is of a strong Islamic background.

And it has pleased the Lord that only the two (2) of us should survive, survive to represent the family of late Mr Dominic Sule and Mama Jeminetu Osabomeh (Nee Idi Ekpoki).

This is the summary of our family life, and it was by the divine grace of God that we survived as the two (2) children of late Mr Dominic Sule Osabomeh and Mama Jeminetu Osabomeh (Nee Idi Ekpoki).

Significantly, the name ‘Onomoane’ was specifically given to her at birth because according to our mother, not less than five (5) families were staying or living with our family at that time because it was a time that not many people had relations living in the cities and to have access to accommodation, was a huge challenge, hence these relations or members of our community came to live with us, in Kaduna.

At that time, our father was working with Arewa Construction Limited as an Account Clerk having previously worked with the construction giant, Messrs D'Alberto and Bogialla Company Limited from Friday, April 01, 1960 to Wednesday, January 05, 1966 where he was doing well, but sadly, disaster struck, and our father could no longer take good care of us.

And as already chronicled in ‘Mrs Jule Ladi Da-Silva (Nee Idi Ekpoki): A Mother of Compassionate Compassion!’ on Thursday, March 16, 2023, for the eighty-two (82) years birthday of our dearest Mama, Mrs Jule Ladi Da-Silva (Nee Idi Ekpoki), in 1971, precisely on Monday, September 13, 1971, we returned to the village from Kaduna. This return was supposed to be a temporary one for our father to find his feet again, but we never returned to him in Kaduna as his strange sickness continued to trouble him.

However, before we left Kaduna in 1971 for the village, mother was already pregnant with her fifth child and in 1972, precisely on Monday, April 24, 1972, my little sister was born and she was rightly named ‘Lamosi’ (I ask God for mercy) by father because of the strange circumstances that was facing him then with the strange sickness when mother took her to see him in Kaduna, but again, according to Islamic day of the week, she was named Litinin (Tini), which was later corrupted to ‘Otini by our people as she was born on a Monday. Sadly, she died in October 1976 in mysterious circumstances.

As I grow older, the sad event of that day has continued to be so real to me and like I had recounted elsewhere previously, I recall that we were playing together that day when mother left for the stream at River ABC, but when mother hurriedly returned to carry her from where we were playing, it never occurred to me that my little and adorable sister had died, died so mysteriously.

On that day, I recall that I saw Mother crying, but I did not know why she was crying. Later in the years, she told us how an Aunt of ours had come to request for my elder sister to accompany her to the city, but she declined on the basis that she would help her to look after my younger sister, but when she went to the stream afterward to fetch water, leaving me to play with my little sister, Mallam Umoru, a Fulani man who had settled and taken our village as his home, but with mystic powers, told her to quicken her steps on her way from the stream as ‘the goat is eating the scarf on her heard,’ but before she could get home, my little sister had died and unknown to me, I was playing with my dead little sister.

The sudden and mysterious death of my little sister, Litinin (Tini) or ‘Otini in October 1976, was a huge setback for me because she was my playing mate in everything, however, this brought me closer to my elder sister as she became the only person that I have.

And our friendship simply grew.

During those days, I recall that there was this practice when, I think, it should be on Children’s Day or Independence Day celebration, that schools would cook rice to mark these celebrations where every pupil would go to school with a plate to collect his or her portion and because our house was just by the fence of the school and with a wrapper tied around my neck, I went with my elder sister to school in one of those celebrations and that was how I enrolled into Primary School in 1976 without ever going through any formal process and I was in the same class with her as I could not afford to leave her out of my sight or presence where I just stuck to her like a mask.

To her, therefore, goes the credit of being the one that enrolled me into primary school because I could not help to leave her side and she was the unshakable foundation that my primary school education was built upon gratefully. Thankfully, as a son of a former Classroom Teacher, I was a little bit brilliant, hence I was able to cope, academically in the same class with her where our teachers, especially the late F. S. Egbuje showed commendable compassion for us.

And this was why I was in the same class with her in May 1981 as we completed our First School Leaving education in Primary Six.

Growing up, my sister had several habits. She was reticent as a young girl, but even in this quiet nature, she would always gather people, especially girls around her, both of her own age group and even older girls and three of such in the retinue of her friends that can readily come to my recollection now, is the beautiful and unique Sister Josephine Amiuniniegbe Oboh which I have since chronicled as ‘Josephine Amiuniniegbe Oboh: My Unique Big Sister’ on Thursday, December 31, 2020, the peaceful, but vibrant Mrs Celina Usman (Nee Kadiri), and the amiable and lovely Mrs Josephine Jume Sule Agbanobo (Nee Asekhameh), who incidentally, my elder sister is married to her elder brother, Mr Anthony Osimi Asekhameh, but sadly, the Community has since lost her to the cold hands of death on Monday, February 08, 1988 and even though I became their little brother through this association, I initially never liked this habit or association because I always thought that they would always finish our food especially as my elder sister does not eat or hardly eat or when she does, but slowly.

I recall that because of this, I usually jumped through the window of the school to the house even before the bells for break are rang as we were practically or just living by the school fence, to eat my portion of the food and possibly wait for the one of my sister’s, yet they never ate her portion because they too, hardly eat.

Maybe this is a common and natural trait in female children!

And it was in the company of these trusted childhood friends, that she spent the last few days before her marriage in December 1981.

Truly, the exemplary personality of Mrs Theresa ‘Baby’ Onomoane Asekhameh (Nee Osabomeh) as a role model for young girls in the Community of Udochi was not only noticed, but it was lived, and it became significant because of her purity of heart.

One day, I think she was coming from the stream when she noticed my presence with one of our female neighbours and when she got to me, she asked with calm and stern voice, but with love in her eyes ‘what were you doing with that little girl?’

That intervention helped to mould me to grow up in purity of heart and had great respect for women, especially for the girl child in our Community, Udochi, seeing them as my sisters and even outside of it.

By her examples, she taught me morals, sound morals. Truly, the Udochi Community that I knew and the one that I grew up, was one that we were brought up with care, discipline, and values where every child is the child of every family.

Ours was a communal life. We live in common for the common good of all, sharing things in common.

Truly, her good behaviour was influenced by the good and positive lifestyle of our mother as children learn more from what they see their parents do. In this, she was trained in the mood and ways of our mother by her own good and exemplary lifestyle.

However, as a young girl, our mother was very worried if my sister could make a good wife and mother because many things irritated her.

For instance, when eating, my sister could take eternity, to peel off the outer flesh of catfish or tilapia which were common presence of delicacies in our soups before eating because these irritate her, but to think that she went on, like her paternal grandmother, Mama Imiegomeh to become a renowned fish seller at our Community, Udochi, is one of the many mysteries of our world.

Equally, when she is eating and a baby answered the call of nature by defecating, my sister will never come back to that food as she would abandon it because these sights, irritate her.

Yet, it pleased God to bless her womb with fruitfulness, with many children to His glory alone.

I recall that I once asked her if she still feels irritated with these, but her answer was quick and direct; ‘for where!’

Life truly teaches us a lot of things we care to listen, and it did teach my sister and it is still teaching her. And God truly works in mysterious ways that are never known to us, no matter how discerning our minds and hearts are.

In the lessons of life, she once told me one strange, but true story. In one night, she said that some of her customers, the village fishermen came to knock at her door to buy fish and it was already mid night. These fish were plenty and after preparing them to dry with her dearest sister and senior wife, Mrs Sukenetu Shuaibu Asekhameh (may Allah continue to rest her accommodating and beautiful soul), she decided to sleep near the fire because the first fire to fresh fish is always very important, but she woke up to meet a baby by her side.

On that night and out of sheer tiredness, she delivered one of her children by the side of her trade, completely unaided like the Hebrew women.

God truly works in mysterious ways!

In our elementary English Language classes, we were taught that a man is gentle while a woman is peaceful, but in the case of my elder sister, she is not only peaceful, but gentle and extremely quiet. In these traits, she can never hurt a fly not to talk of even hurting her fellow human being.

Her peaceful disposition is a worthy trait for all to cultivate and imbibe because, while growing up and even now, I have never seen or witnessed her quarrelling with anyone, no matter how provoked she could be. Peacefully, she would always let go.

In her early life, she loved solitude and quiet life and was always most reserved in talking where her girlhood was marked by and with peaceful life.

Sincerely, she was noted for her quietness and peaceful disposition. She embraced a simple way of life from her young age where children of her age bracket, even older ones, found in her, a true person to go to and be with because of her peaceful disposition and accommodating spirit.

While we were in Primary Five in 1980, preparing to go to Primary Six, a new Teacher came to our school and he took us in Primary Six and prepared us, adequately and sufficiently for our First School Leaving Certificate examination in May 1981 that we went to write at Anegbette because it was the Centre nearest to us.

The name of the new Teacher is Mr Anthony Osimi Asekhameh, but as we completed our Primary School education, he had found interest in my elder sister and she was promptly betrothed to him after observing all normal and formal traditional rites as our mother was desirous that my sister, being her only surviving daughter, should marry into the Community.

However, at the request of our mother, Mrs Jule Ladi Da-Silva (Nee Idi Ekpoki), my elder sister came to visit her in August 1981 in Lagos during the long school vacation, but with the conviction of our dearest cousins, Mrs Odunayo Uloh (Nee Da-Silva) and Tokunbo Da-Silva that my sister should not go into marriage at that age, Mama sought and got admission for her at the prestigious Catholic Secondary School, Our Lady of Apostles (OLA), Yaba, but for documentation purposes as my elder sister did not come to Lagos with her First School Leaving Certificate and result and it only took the intervention of the entire Community before Mama could agree, reluctantly to return my sister to the village for her marriage to her husband to be completed where on her return to the village, she was a cynosure of all eyes as she was well taken care of by Mama, who bought her many beautiful and lovely dresses and if not that her husband was already living and teaching at the village, she may have been married to another man because many of Udochi sons were coming to ask her hand in marriage, but unfortunately for them, they came late.

So, on Sunday, December 21, 1981, my elder and only earthly sister, Mrs Theresa ‘Baby’ Onomoane Asekhameh (Nee Osabomeh) went into her marriage, but I refused to attend the traditional marriage ceremony that was held at the home of the Head of our family, the Affoh family, late Alhaji Abu Emesemeh Umoru Etafia Affoh.

This absence, was an enforced one all by myself as no entreaties that were made to me on that day, made me to change my mind because I was like a little child that his or her playing things were being taken away from him or her or have even been taken away from him or her.

On that day, I felt alone, left alone, and abandoned because the only thing, the only person that matter to me in the entire world, was being taken away from me. However, looking back now and with hindsight, I regret my action that day, Sunday, December 21, 1981, because it was a day that I should have honoured her, my only earthly sister with my presence at her traditional marriage ceremony as the only brother that she has and would ever had, playing the role of both a brother and a father.

Regrettably, this has played in my mind since then because sadly too, I could not attend the Church Wedding on Sunday, July 11, 1982, the first of its kind in our community, witnessing a Catholic wedding of poise and pageantry. On this occasion, I was already in Form One at Anegbette Mixed Secondary School, Anegbette and I recall that I had come for the wedding the first time it was fixed, but it could not hold because the Priest was not available and when it was rescheduled, the date was not convenient for me.

On that day, Sunday, July 11, 1982 and standing before Very Reverend Father Charles Nasamu as the Officiating Priest and God’s Representative and Pa Patrick Yakubu Aleobua and Mrs Juliana Nagbode Aleobua (both now of blessed memory) stood behind them as the Sponsor of the marriage in fulfilment of the Sacramental requirement and fulfilment of the Catholic Doctrine with regards to the Sacrament of Holy Matrimony, the marriage of my elder sister, Mrs Theresa Onomoane Asekhameh (Nee Osabomeh) was fully solemnized with her husband, Mr Anthony Osimi Asekhameh in the presence of man and God at St Patrick’s Catholic Church, Udochi, the first of its kind in our Community, Udochi.

However, these dates have hurt me even till this day because there were days that I missed, both intentionally and unintentionally to be by the side of my only earthly and elder sister as her only brother.

Anyway.

My elder sister never left me, she never took her eyes off me. In fact, she has laboured, all her life for me. I recall when, in 1997, as I prepared to write my Project to complete my Higher National Diploma (HND) program at Auchi Polytechnic and I needed some money for this and my final year activities, she went out of her way with our mother to source for these funds from about three Village Meetings that they were members.

Sincerely, her love, her true love for me as her only brother, has sustained and continued to sustain me till this moment as she has continued, lovingly and patiently, but generously to sacrifice all that she has for me, especially taking good care of our mother, especially now in her old age where ill health has continued to trouble her, particularly during the flooding experiences since Year 2012 which has been very devastating.

Strangely, my sister has never made any financial demand or any demand for that matter on me, directly or indirectly. Contentedly, she always takes whatever I offer her and at whatever time or period.

I truly find this inspiring, inspiring because we are in a world where everyone exercises an entitlement mentality, either rightly or wrongly, but not my elder sister.

Oftentimes, it is said that the choices that we make in life would either make us or mar us and the decision of my mother to encourage and allow her only daughter to marry at the village, has greatly make her and us.

Honestly, my elder sister has taken and continue to take adequate and proper care of our mother where she lacks nothing, particularly since year 2013 where I could no longer provide or take any care of our mother, but my sister has been there, acting both as a daughter and mother to our mother. And I can never be too grateful to her.

Thank you, my only earthly sister, for all that you have continued to do for us. God will reward you. Mother Mary will continue to watch over you and your family.

What is interesting about my sister is the way that she embraced her marriage and family life and through this, worked dutifully and humbly for its success because she was married into the village in an era when every other little girl of her age was being married into the city.

She simply said yes to the gift of marriage.

And she agreed to marry at the village and by this singular act, she became the eyes, ears and hands of our mother especially now at her old age and later life, where she has continued, to dutifully take adequate and loving care of her and like one of her grand-daughters, Miss Angela Ositeseimeh Asekhameh recently remarked ‘Grandma had foresight to have allowed my mother to have married at the village at the time that she did instead of going for secondary education, otherwise she would have suffered as none would have been available to take care of her.’

Looking back now, I can never understand how or why my sister decided to drop her sweet dreams of secondary school education for marriage at such a tender age especially as she had visited Lagos and see city life once more, a life which she was born into, but did not grew up in it to experience its practical face.

But forty-two (42) years after, that decision for my elder sister to listen to the motherly voice and wise counsel of our mother, has proved to be the best decision ever, because in it, my sister has been able, to sufficiently taken care of our mother in love and in kindness.

On that day, Sunday, December 21, 1981, she made a solemn and silent vow, and she has lived by this and continue to live by it by taking adequate care of our mother and for this, I will be grateful to her forever.

She is a daughter for good causes!

Honestly, my sister is a symbol of kindness to all. For instance, on Tuesday, March 14, 2023, I had cause to call Mr Francis Gabor Udegor as a follow up to his seventy-three (73) birthday celebration on Wednesday, March 15, 2023 so that he could provide a copy of his photograph to enable us announce it on our Community platform, the Udochi Unity Platform (UUF), but instead of providing this, he rather requested that I should thank my elder sister profoundly for him, that since he left to the village for Year 2022 Christmas in December 2022 and just returned on Sunday, March 05, 2023, she took adequate care of him, providing everything for him, even before he asked.

Sincerely, my elder sister is blessed with the gift of generosity, kindness, and hospitality!

I recall that after we buried one of our fathers, DSP Anthony Izibril Asemobor Braimah (Rtd) on Friday, May 17, 2013 and there was a need for us to prepare food for some of our visitors, it was only one voice that I called her with and before I could realize it, she has gone home to bring live catfish that she was preparing to go to Agenebode market with and cooked delicious meals for us to the admiration of our visitors.

On that night, she became, once more the towel that wiped away the tears in the mourning eyes of the children of our late father, DSP Anthony Izibril Asemobor Braimah (Rtd) by her generosity and kindness.  

Truly, my elder sister practices hospitality ungrudgingly and this was evident on the night of Friday, December 24, 2022 when the night vigil (Inwogho) was held for her Traditional Women Cooking (Ikpigho-Idumhi) Title ceremony as our home was full of men and women of all walks of life, old and young and through this, setting another standard of what hospitality to others should be and looks like.

Talking about Traditional Women Cooking (Ikpigho-Idumhi) Title ceremony, in Year 2021, precisely on Saturday, January 16, 2021, in Benin City, I recall when I informed my sister that she would be observing this ceremony in December 2021, she could not believe it, hence she tried as much as she could, to dissuade me from it for obvious reasons. In that instance, she felt that I could not afford it, but I assured her that with God on our side, providing friends and family for us, we would be able to achieve this significant aspect of her life.

Traditionally, the Traditional Women Cooking (Ikpigho-Idumhi) Title ceremony in the South Uneme culture plays the role of the symbol of womanhood in Uneme culture. This is very significant in the life of every Uneme woman who could afford this simple, but important ceremony in her lifetime, hence her relations and children always strive to achieve this in the life of every Uneme woman.

In this, I would have done my sister’s own earlier, particularly when I was in Oceanic Bank International Plc and I had a little means of doing it, but for the advice of our mother that she was too young then. So, her eventual Traditional Women Cooking (Ikpigho-Idumhi) Title ceremony in December 2021, which should have been celebrated earlier, was a personal satisfaction and fulfilment for me that I was able, especially as our mother is still alive and around with us, to carry out this noble traditional ceremony for a sister who became my mother in all aspects of life.

Perhaps, that was the best way to honour her for all that she has been for me, but more than this, for our mother, who laboured tirelessly for us. I was simply grateful to God for granting her life to witnessed that ceremony of her only daughter, joining her league, the league of womanhood in Uneme culture.

Sincerely, the Traditional Women Cooking (Ikpigho-Idumhi) Title ceremony was the only thing that I owed her, the gratitude of appreciation for all that she has done for me and continued to be for me, but more, for our dearest mother, Mama Jeminetu Osabomeh (Nee Idi Ekpoki).

And I will forever be grateful to friends and relations who are too many to mention that genuinely, honestly, and generously supported me, especially financially to see to the accomplishment of that noble program for my only earthly sister and put a big and broad smile on her face, forever.

God will reward them for us. He will.

It is true that there are no perfect family anywhere in the world. Ours was not perfect and still not perfect but being the only two of us in the family, she was all that I ever needed in life. She was perfect for me.

My sister, Mrs Theresa Onomoane Asekhameh (Nee Osabomeh) was perfect for me. She is remarkable in her quiet disposition, remarkable in her generosity, remarkable in her kindness and in this, she is my role model.

On this day and always, I am grateful to God for making us family and keeping us with His love and I will remain, exceedingly indebted to you for the unforgettable sacrifices that you made to invest in my life through education.

Truly, growing up, she was my mother, mentoring me in many positive ways and till this moment, she has continued to act this way. There is nothing that I ever asked or desired from her that she would not give me. In fact, even before I asked, she would have given it to me because she knows me and knows what is good for me.

I cannot recall, even for a single moment, an occasion where she ever raised her hands upon me, not that she could not do this, but because of her simplicity and compassion.

She is truly all that I have and all that I would ever have because she has been everything to me.

It is a huge privilege for me to have share the same womb with her, but much more, to have shared my childhood with her, growing up under her humble and generous tutelage.

And over the years, I have held back this beautiful story because I found that I may not tell it better or have the right words to tell it.

So, today and through this story, I celebrate my elder and only earthly sister as I tell the beautiful story of her kindness. I celebrate her by telling the beautiful story of her purity of heart. I celebrate her by telling the beautiful story of her calmness and peaceful disposition. I celebrate her by telling the beautiful story of her willingness to give and give freely. I celebrate her by telling the beautiful story of her uncommon hospitality. I celebrate her by telling the beautiful story of her selflessness, humility, and respect. I celebrate her by telling the beautiful story of her resilience, hardworking and enterprising nature.

I simply celebrate my elder and only earthly sister for protecting me through life especially as our mother shielded me as the only surviving son from hard work, particularly farm work.

This is the remarkable story of my remarkable sister that I tell today, the story of her unalloyed love for family life, our family.

As you celebrate your fifty-eight (58) years birthday on this day, Tuesday, March 28, 2023, you are, through your children, the seed that would always keep growing.

Happy fifty-eight (58) years birthday my only earthly and elder sister, Mrs Theresa ‘Baby’ Onomoane Asekhameh (Nee Osabomeh). Thank you for everything. Thank you most especially for taking good care of our mother in her old age where everything is being done for her. Thank you for your patience and love for her.

Mo inhẹ thẹloikhu ki inyomha.

Thank you for being a trustworthy mentor and role model for me. Thank you for being a good example of chastity, purity, and uprightness for me.

I love you.

Thank you. In your children, God will bless you. And may your remaining years on earth be most beautiful.

Ikpẹmhiẹ inhẹ thẹloikhu ki inyomha.

Na me

Your younger and only earthly brother

Mark Oshioke Osabomeh

Tuesday, March 28, 2023