My 2021 series posts for "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People"

This article is a combination of all the 2021 weekly posts from my 7 Habits of Highly Effective People series. For convenience and long-term accessibility to the content, I have combined my posts into one article. This is a powerful summary of Covey's classic book.

Welcome to my #7Habits of Highly Effective People Monday series. On January 8, 2021, I posted a “Who Am I” riddle. The answer to that riddle is “I am Habit”.

That riddle and reader’s comments inspired me to begin a series on Stephen Covey’s "7-Habits of Highly Effective People", a book that I first read as a young man that profoundly impacted my life and career.

As I was preparing for my first post by turning the pages of this wonderful book, I was reminded of how abundantly full of valuable insights this book is. I decided this series would be more than 7 posts (one for each of the 7 habits). I decided to dedicate Mondays to this series indefinitely with the intention that each Monday will provide an idea worthy of contemplation and focus for the rest of the week and beyond. I hope that many are finding value in this series and recognize that this book and the ideas it contains are worthy of continuous study and application. I start with the riddle that is not part of Covey's 7 Habits.

The Power of a Paradigm Shift

The 7 Habits represent the internalization of correct principles upon which enduring happiness and success are based. Before we can understand the 7 Habits, we need to understand our own paradigms and how to make a paradigm shift.

A paradigm is the way we see the world. Think of a paradigm as a map. Imagine it’s pre-cellphone era and you needed to find a location in Chicago but through a printing error, you were provided a map of Detroit labeled Chicago. Can you imagine your frustration? You might work on your behavior, try harder, work twice as hard, but your efforts would only get you to the wrong place faster. You might work on your attitude and be more positive and optimistic, but you still wouldn’t get to your destination, although you may not worry about it because you have a positive attitude. The fundamental problem has nothing to do with your behavior or attitude. It has everything to do with you having the wrong map.

We all have two types of maps in our heads. Maps of the way things are (realities), and maps of the way things should be (values). We seldom question their accuracy. We simply assume that the way we see things is the way they are or the way we think they should be. 

Look at the picture attached. Do you see an old woman or a young woman? Whichever you see that is your perspective. By shifting your perspective, you may see the other. This exercise was used by a Harvard Business School Instructor who use it to make the point two people can look at the same thing, disagree at what they are looking at, and both be right. 

Covey tells a story of two battleships at sea on maneuvers for several days in heavy weather. One night with spotty fog a lookout on the lead ship announces to the captain a steady light on the starboard bow. The captain instructs to signal the other ship “We are on a collision course; advise you to change course 20 degrees.” A message comes back, “Advisable for you to change course 20 degrees”. The captain signals “I am a Captain; advise you change course 20 degrees”. A reply “I am a seaman, second class, advise you change course 20 degrees.” The angry captain demands with a final threat that they change course and backs up his threat with a statement “I am a battleship”. The voice at the other end responds, no, advise you change course, “I am a lighthouse”. The captain had a sudden paradigm shift.

Principles are like lighthouses. They are natural laws that cannot be broken. We can't break these natural laws; we can only break ourselves against them. These laws are principles like fairness, integrity, honesty, human dignity, service, growth, and many more. Principles are not values; they are deep, fundamental truths.

Albert Einstein observed, “The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking that created them.” Covey states in all his experience he has never seen lasting solutions to problems, lasting happiness and success, that came from outside in. A principle-centered, character-based, inside-out approach to personal and interpersonal effectiveness is the level of thinking required to live the 7 Habits. 

If you want to have a happy marriage, be the kind of person who generates positive energy and sidesteps negative energy rather than empowering it. If you want to have a more pleasant cooperative teenager, be a more understanding, sympathetic consistent, loving parent. If you want to have more freedom, more latitude in your job, be a more responsible, a more helpful, a more contributing employee. If you want to be trusted, be trustworthy. If you want the secondary greatness of recognized talent, focus first on the primary greatness of character. 

Effective Habits

“We are what we repeatedly do. #Excellence, then, is not an act, but a #habit.” Aristotle                   

#Habits Defined: For our purposes, we will define a habit as the intersection of “knowledge”, “skill”, and “desire”.

Knowledge is the theoretical paradigm, the “what to do” and the “why”. Skill is the “how to do”. Desire is the motivation, the “want to do”. In order to make something a habit in our lives, we have to have all three.

Consider your relationships and key principles in human interactions. Even if you know that in order to interact effectively with others, you need to listen to them, you may not know how to listen deeply to them. But knowing you need to listen and how to listen is not enough. Unless you want to listen, unless you have the desire, it won’t be a habit in your life. Creating a habit requires all three dimensions.

By working on knowledge, skill, and desire we can break through to new levels of personal and interpersonal effectiveness as we break with old paradigms that may have long been a source of pseudo-security.

The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People Diagram

The diagram pictured in this post depicts how #Habits 1, 2, and 3 are focused on #SelfMastery and moving ourselves from dependence to independence. When they are mastered, it is a Private Victory and these 3 Habits will serve the individual well.

Habits 4, 5, and 6 are focused on developing #teamwork, #collaboration, #communication skills, and moving from independence to #interdependence. When they are mastered, it is a Public Victory and many will be served well and the individual who masters them will be served abundantly.

Habit 7 is focused on #ContinuousGrowth and #improvement and embodies all the other habits. Habit 7 is about preserving the greatest asset you have – YOU.

For the next several weeks we will work on Habit #1 “Be Proactive”, which is the foundation of the 7-Habits. Habit #1’s key message is that we are in charge of how we live our lives. Put simply: To be effective, one must #BeProactive.

Habit#1 Be Proactive - The Social Mirror

For some, the only vision we have of ourselves comes from the social mirror – the opinions, perceptions, and paradigms of the people around us.

There are three social maps – theories of determinism widely accepted to explain the nature of man.

Genetic determinism basically says your grandparents did it to you. You inherited your bad temper. It’s in your DNA.

Psychic determinism says your parents did it to you. Your upbringing, childhood experiences essentially laid out your personal tendencies and your character structure.

Environmental determinism says your workplace is doing it to you – or your spouse, or your university, or your economic situation, or your politics.

Each of these maps is based on the stimulus/response theory. The basic idea is that we are conditioned to respond in a particular way to a particular stimulus. While there is tremendous power of conditioning in our lives, to say that we are determined by it, that we have no control over that influence is not accurate. We will dive deeper into the space between Stimulus & Response next Monday.

Habit#1 Be Proactive - Freedom to Choose

"It is our willing permission, our consent to what happens to us, that hurts us far more than what happened to us in the first place." -Stephen Covey

Victor Frankl discovered the basic principle that is uniquely human – between stimulus and response is our greatest power – the freedom to choose. Habit #1 #BeProactive, the first and most basic habit of highly effective people.

Proactive people, recognize that they have responsibility or "response-ability." The ability to choose how you will respond to a given stimulus or situation.

Reactive people believe that the world is happening to them. They think the problem is extrinsic, but that #mindset is the problem. Reactivity becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy, and reactive people feel increasingly victimized and out of control.

Reactive language sounds like: There's nothing I can do, that's just the way I am, He makes me so mad, I have to, I can’t

Proactive language sounds like this: Let’s look at alternatives, I choose how I am, I control my feelings, I choose to, I can

Habit#1 Be Proactive - The Circle of Influence

Covey’s Circle of Concern & Circle of Influence. Our Circle of Concern is things we expend energy on yet can’t control. Proactive people focus on things in their control-their Circle of Influence that lies within their Circle of Concern. The nature of their energy is positive, enlarging, and magnifying, causing their Circle of Influence to expand.

Reactive people focus on things that are in their Circle of Concern. Their focus results in blaming and accusing attitudes, reactive language, and increased feelings of victimization. The negative energy generated by their focus, combined with neglect in areas they can influence causes their Circle of Influence to shrink.

It’s in the ordinary events of every day that we develop the proactive capacity to handle the extraordinary pressures of life. It’s how we make and keep commitments, how we handle a traffic jam, or respond to an irate customer or disobedient child.

Covey challenges us to test the principles of proactivity for 30 days. If you make a mistake, admit it, correct it, and learn from it. Be a light, not a judge, be a model, not a critic, be part of the solution, not part of the problem. Work on things you have control over. Work on YOU and see what happens.

Habit 1 - Be Proactive - Application Suggestions

1.   For a full day, listen to your language and and to the language of the people around you. How often do you use and hear reactive phrases such as “If only,” “I can’t,” or “I have to?”

2.    Identify an experience you might encounter in the near future where, based on past experience, you would probably behave reactively. Review the situation in the context of your Circle of Influence. How could you respond proactively? Remind yourself of the gap between stimulus and response. Make a commitment to yourself to exercise your freedom to choose.

3.   Select a problem from your work or personal life that is frustrating to you. Determine whether it is a direct, indirect, or no-control problem. Identify the first step you can take in your Circle of Influence to solve it then take that step.

4. Try the thirty-day test of proactivity. Be aware of the change in your Circle of Influence. 

Habit 2 Begin with the End in Mind – The Funeral Experience

#Covey asks that you find a place where you can be alone and uninterrupted. Clear your mind of everything except what you are invited to do here. In your mind’s eye see yourself going to a funeral of a loved one. You see the casket at the front of the room. As you walk towards it you see the faces of friends and family. You feel the shared sorrow, joy, and love.

As you look into the casket you suddenly come face to face with yourself. This is your funeral 3 years from today. You take a seat, look at the program and see there are 4 speakers. A family member, a friend, a co-worker, and a member of your church or community organization.

Now think deeply. What would you like each of these speakers to say about you and your life? What kind of husband, wife, father, mother, son, or daughter were you? What kind of friend, co-worker, and leader? What character would you like them to see in you? What contributions & achievements would you like them to remember?

Look carefully at the people around you. What difference would you like to have made in their lives? Jot down your thoughts. This will help your understanding as we dive into Habit #2 Begin with the End in Mind.

Habit 2 Begin with the End in Mind - He left it all

If you participated in last week’s experience, you touched on some of your deep, fundamental values. Although Habit2 applies to many different situations and levels of life, the most fundamental application is, to begin with, a #vision of the end of your life as your frame of reference by which everything else is examined.

To begin with the end in mind is to know where you are going and where you are now, so your steps are always in the right direction. Without Habit2 it’s easy for us to get caught up in the busyness of life. Where we can work hard at climbing the ladder of success only to find it’s leaning against the wrong wall. If our ladder is not leaning against the right wall, every step we take just gets us to the wrong place faster.

When you begin with the end in mind, you may gain a new perspective. You may realize goals like fame, achievement, and money are not part of the right wall.

One man asked another on the death of a mutual friend, “How much did he leave?” His friend responded, “He left it all.”

Habit 2 Begin with the End in Mind - All things are created twice

Begin with the end in mind is based on the principle that all things are created twice. There’s a mental or first creation, and a physical or second creation to all things.

Take the construction of a home for example. You create it in every detail, reduce it to a blueprint, and develop construction plans all before the earth is touched.

For another example, look at a business. If you want a successful enterprise, you clearly define what you want to accomplish. You think through the product or service and the market target. You organize the elements – financial, R&D, operations, marketing, personnel, facilities, and so on – to meet that objective. The extent to which you begin with the end in mind often determines whether or not you are able to create your successful enterprise. Most business failures begin in the first creation with such problems as undercapitalization, misunderstanding of the market, or lack of a clear business plan.

To the extent to which we understand the principle of two creations and accept the responsibilities for both, we act within and enlarge the borders of our Circle of Influence. We do not operate in harmony with this principle we diminish it.

Habit 2 Begin with the End in Mind - Leadership then Management

Begin with the end in mind is based on all things are created twice.

In personal leadership, leadership is the 1st creation. Management is the 2nd creation. Leadership has to come 1st.

• Management is a bottom-line focus: How can I best accomplish certain things?
• Leadership deals with the top line: What do I want to accomplish?
• Management is doing things right; leadership is doing the right things.
• Management is efficiency in climbing the ladder of success; leadership determines whether the ladder is leaning against the right wall
• Imagine a group of Producers cutting their way through the jungle with machetes. The Managers are behind them, sharpening their machetes, writing policy, and setting up schedules. The Leader is the one who climbs the tallest tree, surveys the entire situation, and yells Wrong Jungle!

Efficient management without effective leadership is like straightening deck chairs on the titanic. No management success can compensate for failure in leadership. But leadership is hard because we’re often caught in a management paradigm.

Habit 2 Begin with the End in Mind - Personal Mision Statement

Covey says the most effective way he knows to Begin with the end in mind is to develop a Personal Mision Statement. It focuses on what you want:

• to be (character)
• to do (contributions & achievements)
• and on the values or principles upon which being and doing are based

Because each individual is unique, a personal mission statement reflects that uniqueness in both content and form. Covey’s friend Rolfe Kerr expressed his this way:

🎯 Succeed at home first

🎯 Seek and merit divine help

🎯 Never compromise with honesty

🎯 Remember the people involved

🎯 Hear both sides before judging

🎯 Obtain counsel of others

🎯 Defend those who are absent

🎯 Be sincere yet decisive

🎯 Develop one new proficiency a year

🎯 Plan tomorrow’s work today

🎯 Hustle while you wait

🎯 Maintain a positive attitude

🎯 Keep a sense of humor

🎯 Be orderly in person and work

🎯 Do not fear mistakes – fear only the absence of creative, constructive, and corrective responses to those mistakes.

🎯 Facilitate the success of subordinates

🎯 Listen twice as much as you speak.

Habit 2 Begin with the End in Mind - The Four Life-Support Factors

What is your center, the lens through which you see the world? Our centers affect us fundamentally - they determine our daily decisions, actions, and motivations, as well as our interpretation of events.

Whatever is at the center of our life will be the source of our security, guidance, wisdom, and power.

The chart pictured shows many common centers from which people approach life. However, Covey notes that none of these centers are optimal and that instead, we should strive to be principle-centered. By centering our lives on correct principles, we create a solid foundation for the development of the four life-support factors.

Our SECURITY comes from knowing that, unlike other centers based on people or things that are subject to frequent change, correct principles do not change. We can depend on them.

WISDOM & GUIDANCE come from correct maps, from the way things really are, have been, and will be.

Personal POWER is that of a self-aware, knowledgeable, & proactive individual, unrestricted by attitudes, behaviors, and actions of others.

Habit 2 Begin with the End in Mind - Self Reflection Funeral Exercise

This post wraps up Habit #2 Begin with the end in mind. Covey provides the following application suggestions:

1.    Use the chart to organize your thoughts and record your impressions from the funeral exercise.

2.    Write down your roles. Are you satisfied with the mirror image of your life?

3.    Begin work on your personal mission statement.

4.    Identify centers from last Monday’s post that you identify with (a detailed chart is available in the book under Appendix A). Do they form a pattern of behavior in your life? Are you comfortable with the implications of your analysis?

5.    Start a collection of notes, quotes, and ideas for writing your personal mission statement.

6.    Identify a project you will be facing in the near future and apply the principle of mental creation. Write down the results you desire and what steps will lead you to those results.

7.    Share the principles of Habit#2 with your family or workgroup and suggest that together you begin the process of developing a family or group mission statement.

Habit 3 Put First Things First - The Physical Creation

Let’s put Habit 3 “Put First Things First” into perspective. Habit 3 is the personal fruit, the practical fulfillment of Habits 1 & 2.

Habit 1 says you’re the creator. You are in charge. It’s based on the four unique human endowments of imagination, conscience, independent will, and particularly, self-awareness. It empowers you to say, That’s an unhealthy program. I don’t like that ineffective script. I can change.

Habit 2 is the first or mental creation. It’s based on imagination – the ability to envision, to see the potential, to create with our minds what we cannot at present see with our eyes; and conscience. It’s the deep contact with our basic paradigms and values and the vision of what we can become.

Habit 3, then, is the second creation, the physical creation. It’s the fulfillment, the actualization, the natural emergence of Habits 1 & 2. It’s the exercise of independent will toward becoming principled-centered. It’s the day-in, day-out, moment-by-moment doing it.

In the coming weeks, we will take a deep dive into Habit 3.

Habit 3 Put First Things First - Four Generations of Time Management

In time management each generation builds on the one before it – each moves us toward greater control of our lives.

The first generation could be characterized by notes and checklists an effort to give some semblance to the many demands on our time and energy.

The second by calendars and appointment books. An attempt to look ahead, to schedule events and activities in the future.

The third generation reflects the current time management field. It adds to those preceding generations the important idea of prioritization, clarifying values, and comparing the relative worth of activities based on those values. It focuses on setting goals.

But there is an emerging fourth generation that is different in kind. It recognizes that “time management” is really a misnomer – the challenge is not to manage time but to manage ourselves. Rather than focusing on things and time, 4th gen expectations focus on preserving and enhancing relationships and on accomplishing results – in short, on maintaining the P/PC Balance.

"The challenge is not to manage time, but to manage ourselves." -Stephen Covey

Habit 3 Put First Things First - The Time Management Matrix

The 4th generation of management can be captured in the time management matrix.

As you can see the two factors that define an activity are Urgent & Important. Urgent means it requires immediate attention. It’s “Now!”

Urgent things act on us. A ringing smartphone. Most people couldn’t stand the thought of just allowing their phone to ring. When our phones ping us, most of us react. We treat them as Urgent matters.

Urgent matters press on us; they insist on action. They’re often popular with others, right in front of us, and often they are pleasant, easy, and fun to do. But often they are unimportant.

Importance, on the other hand, has to do with results. If something is important, it contributes to your mission, your values, your high-priority goals.

We react to urgent matters. Important matters that are not urgent require more initiative, more proactivity. If we don’t practice Habit2, if we don’t have a clear idea of what is important, of the results we desire in our lives, we are easily diverted into responding to the urgent.

Habit 3 Put First Things First - The Time Management Matrix continued

When we focus on Q-I we spend our time managing crises & problems until it consumes us. This leads to stress, burnout, and always putting out fires.

Other people spend time in Q-III, thinking they’re in Q-1 spending most of their time reacting to matters that seem urgent when in reality they're based on the expectations of others. This leads to short-term focus, feeling victimized, out of control, and shallow or broken relationships.

People who spend most of their time in Q-III & IV are basically leading irresponsible lives. This often leads to getting fired from jobs and being highly dependent on others.

Q-II is at the heart of effective personal management. It deals with things like building relationships, long-term planning, exercising, and preparation - all things we know we need to do but seldom do because they don’t feel urgent.

To focus our time in Q-II, we have to learn how to say “no” to other activities. We also need to be able to delegate effectively.

"The key is not to prioritize what’s on your schedule, but to schedule your priorities." Stephen Covey

Habit 3 Put First Things First - Practice Success Habit 3

To use the computer metaphor, if Habit 1 says “You’re the Programmer” and Habit 2 says “Write the program” then Habit 3 says “Run the program,” “Live the program.” Living it is primarily a function of our independent will, our self-discipline, our integrity, and commitment – not to short-term goals and schedules or to the impulse of the moment, but to the correct principles and our own deepest values, which give meaning and context to our goals, our schedules, and our lives.

Practice Success Habit 3: Here are some ways you can practice putting first things first:

1. Identify a Quadrant II activity you know you’ve been neglecting. Write it down and commit to implementing it.

2. Create your own time management matrix to start prioritizing.

3. After creating your own matrix, estimate how much time you spend in each quadrant. Then log your time over 3 days. How accurate was your estimate? How much time did you spend in quadrant 2 (the most important quadrant)?

Paradigms of Interdependence

The previous 20 posts took us from dependence to independence and Private Victory.

Before moving into the area of Public Victory, we should remember that effective interdependence can only be built on a foundation of true independence.

As we look back and survey the terrain to determine where we’ve been and where we are in relationship to where we are going, we clearly see there are not any other roads, there are no shortcuts. The landscape ahead is covered with the fragments of broken relationships of people who have tried without the maturity and the strength of character to maintain them.

But you just can’t do it; you simply have to travel the road. You can’t be successful with other people if you haven’t paid the price of success with yourself.

Self-mastery and self-discipline are the foundation of good relationships with others.

Real self-respect comes from dominion over self, from true independence. That’s the focus of Habits 1, 2, and 3. Independence is an achievement. Interdependence is a choice only independent people can make. Unless you are willing to achieve real independence, it’s foolish to try to develop human relations skills. We might try. We might even have some degree of success when the sun is shining. But when the difficult times come – and they will – we won’t have the foundation to keep things together.

The most important ingredient we put into any relationship is not what we say or what we do, but what we are.

The Emotional Bank Account

We all know what a financial bank account is. We make deposits into it and build up a reserve from which we can make withdrawals when we need to. An emotional bank account is a metaphor that describes the amount of trust that’s been built up in a relationship.

If I make deposits into an emotional bank account with you through courtesy, kindness, honesty, and keeping my commitments to you, I build up a reserve. Your trust towards me becomes higher and I can call upon that trust many times if I need to. I can even make mistakes and that trust level, that emotional reserve will compensate for it. When the trust account is high, communication is easy, instant, and effective.

But if I have a habit of showing discourtesy, disrespect, cutting you off, overreacting, ignoring you, becoming arbitrary, betraying your trust, or threatening you eventually my emotional bank account is overdrawn. The trust level gets low. Then what flexibility do I have? Our most constant relationships like marriage, require our most constant deposits.

Covey suggests 6 major deposits that build the emotional bank account.

1.    Understanding the individual

2.    Attending to the little things

3.    Keeping commitments

4.    Clarifying expectations

5.    Showing personal integrity

6.    Apologizing sincerely when you make a withdrawal

Here is a challenge for this week. Each day focus on one of the 6 major deposits and build your emotional bank accounts.

The Habits of Interdependence

With the paradigm of the Emotional Bank Account in mind, we’re ready to move into the habits of Public Victory, of success in working with other people. As we do, we can see how these habits work together to create effective interdependence. We can also see how powerfully scripted we are in other patterns of thought and behavior.

In addition, we can see an even deeper level that effective interdependence can only be achieved by truly independent people. It is impossible to achieve Public Victory with popular “Win-Win negotiation” techniques, “reflective listening” techniques, or “creative problem-solving” techniques that focus on personality and truncate the vital character base.

In the coming weeks, we will focus on each of the Public Victory habits in depth. They are:

Habit 4 – Think Win/Win

Habit 5 – Seek first to understand… then to be understood.

Habit 6 – Synergize  

Habit 4 Think Win/Win

1. Win/Win: Win/Win is not a technique; it’s a total philosophy of human interaction. It’s one of six paradigms of interaction. To establish effective interdependent relationships, we must commit to seeking Win/Win situations that are mutually beneficial. Win/Win sees life as cooperative not competitive. Most people tend to think in terms of dichotomies: strong or weak, hardball or softball, win or lose. But that kind of thinking is fundamentally flawed. It’s based on power and position rather than principle. Win/Win is a belief in the third alternative. It’s not your way or my way; it’s a better way, a higher way.

The alternative paradigms are:

2. Win/Lose: It says “If I win, you lose.” It’s the authoritarian approach: I get my way; you don’t get yours. Win-Lose people are prone to use position, power, credentials, and personality to get their way. Most people have been deeply scripted in the Win/Lose mentality since birth. When one child is compared to another. When love is given on a conditional basis, we think we are not intrinsically valuable or loveable. Our minds are molded, shaped, and programmed in the Win/Lose mentality. Most of life is not a competition. We don’t have to live each day competing with our spouses, children, coworkers, neighbors, or friends. “Who’s winning in your marriage?” is a ridiculous question. If both people aren't winning, both are losing.

3. Lose/Win: “I lose, you win.” “Go ahead, have your way with me.” “Step on me, everyone does.” “I’m a peace-maker. I’ll do anything to keep the peace.” Lose-Win people are quick to please and appease, and seek strength from popularity or acceptance. When constantly repressing not transcending feelings towards a higher meaning, we can find that it affects the quality of our self-esteem and eventually the quality of our relationships.

4. Lose/Lose: Both people lose. When two Win-Lose people get together -- that is when two determined, stubborn, ego-invested individuals interact - the result will be Lose-Lose. Both will become vindictive and want to “get back” or “get even” blind to the fact that revenge is a two-edged sword.

5. Win: People with the Win mentality don’t necessarily want someone else to lose -- that’s irrelevant. What matters is that they get what they want.

6. Win/Win or No Deal: This is even a higher expression of Win/Win. If you can’t reach an agreement that is mutually beneficial, you can agree upfront to disagree agreeably - there is no deal. When we have No Deal as an option in our mind, it liberates us from needing to manipulate people and push our own agenda. We can be open and really try to understand the issues underlying the positions. With No Deal as an option, you can honestly say, “I only want to go for a Win/Win.

Habit 4 Think Win/Win - Five Interdependent dimensions of life

The principle of Win/Win is fundamental to success in all our interactions, and it embraces five interdependent dimensions of life. It begins with character and moves towards relationships, out of which flows agreements. It is nurtured in an environment where structure and systems are based on Win/Win. And it involves process; we cannot achieve Win/Win ends with Win/Lose or Lose/Win means.

The diagram shows how these five dimensions relate to each other. Let’s consider the five dimensions in turn.

Five Interdependent dimensions of life - DIMENSION 1 "CHARACTER"

Character is the foundation of Win/Win and everything else builds on that foundation. There are three character traits essential to the Win/Win paradigm.

1. #Integrity. We’ve already defined integrity as the value we place on ourselves. There is no way to go for Win/Win in our lives if we don’t even know, in a deep sense, what constitutes a Win – what is, in fact, harmonious with our innermost values.

2. #Maturity. Maturity is the balance between courage and consideration. If a person can express his feelings and convictions with courage balanced with consideration for the feelings and convictions of another person, he is mature, particularly if the issue is very important to both parties.

Many people think in dichotomies, in either/or terms. They think if you're nice, you're not tough. But Win/Win is nice... and tough. It's twice as tough as Win/Lose. To go for Win/Win, you not only have to be nice, you also have to be courageous. You not only have to be empathetic; you have to be confident. You not only have to be considerate and sensitive; you have to be brave. To do that, to achieve that balance between courage and consideration is the essence of real maturity and is fundamental to Win/Win.

3. Abundance Mentality is the third character trait essential to Win/Win. It is the paradigm that there is plenty out there for everybody.

Most people are deeply scripted in what Covey calls the Scarcity Mentality. They see life as only having so much as though there were only one pie out there and if someone were to get a big piece of the pie, it would mean less for everyone else. The Scarcity Mentality is the zero-sum paradigm of life.

People with a Scarcity Mentality have a very difficult time sharing recognition and credit, power or profit - even with those who help in the production. They also have a hard time being genuinely happy for the successes of other people-even and sometimes especially, members of their own family or close friends and associates. It’s almost as though something is being taken from them.

Often people with Scarcity Mentality harbor secret hopes that others might suffer misfortune – not terrible misfortune, but acceptable misfortune that will keep them “in their place”. They want them to be the way they want to be. They want to surround themselves with “yes” people who won’t challenge them, people who are weaker than them.

The Abundance Mentality, on the other hand, flows out of a deep inner sense of personal worth and security. It is the paradigm that there is plenty out there and enough to spare for everybody.

The Abundance Mentality takes the personal joy, satisfaction, and fulfillment of Habits 1, 2, and 3 and turns it outward, appreciating the uniqueness, the inner direction, the proactive nature of others. It recognizes the unlimited possibilities for positive interactive growth and development, creating new third alternatives.

Public Victory does not mean victory over other people. It means success in effective interaction that brings mutually beneficial results to everyone involved. Public Victory means working together, communicating together, making things happen together that even the same people could NOT make happen by working independently. Public Victory is an outgrowth of the Abundance Mentality paradigm.

Five Interdependent dimensions of life - DIMENSION 2 “RELATIONSHIPS”

The principle of Win/Win is fundamental to success in all our interactions, and it embraces five interdependent dimensions of life. It begins with CHARACTER and moves towards RELATIONSHIPS, out of which flows AGREEMENTS. It is nurtured in an environment where structure and SYSTEMS are based on Win/Win. And it involves PROCESSES; we cannot achieve Win/Win ends with Win/Lose or Lose/Win means.

This week we will consider RELATIONSHIPS. From the foundation of CHARACTER (covered last week), we build and maintain Win/Win RELATIONSHIPS. The trust, the Emotional Bank Account, is the essence of Win/Win. Without trust the best we can do is compromise; without trust, we lack credibility for open, mutual learning and communication, and real creativity.

But if our Emotional Bank Account is high, credibility is no longer an issue. We can put our cards on the table. Even though we see things differently, I know that you’re willing to listen with respect while I describe the young woman I see and you know that I’ll treat your description of the old woman with the same respect. We’re committed to understanding each other and working toward a third alternative that will be a better answer for both of us.

The stronger you are – the more genuine your CHARACTER, the higher your level of proactivity, the more committed you really are to Win/Win – the more powerful your influence will be with that other person. This is the real test of interpersonal leadership. It goes beyond transactional leadership into transformational leadership, transforming the individuals involved as well as the RELATIONSHIP.

Five Interdependent dimensions of life – DIMENSION 3 “AGREEMENTS”

This week we will consider AGREEMENTS. From RELATIONSHIPS (covered in my previous post) flow the AGREEMENTS that give definition and direction to Win/Win. They are sometimes called PERFORMANCE AGREEMENTS or PARTNERSHIP AGREEMENTS, shifting the paradigm from hovering supervision to self-supervision, from positioning to being partners in success.

In the Win/Win agreement, the following five elements are made very explicit:

✔️ DESIRED RESULTS (not methods) identify what is to be done and when.

✔️GUIDELINES specify the parameters (principles, policies, etc.) within which results are to be accomplished.

✔️RESOURCES identify the human, financial, technical, or organizational support available to help accomplish the results.

✔️ACCOUNTABILITY sets up the standards of performance and the time of evaluation.

✔️CONSEQUENCES specify – good and bad, natural and logical – what does and will happen as a result of the evaluation.

These five elements give Win/Win agreements a life of their own. A clear mutual understanding and agreement up-front in these areas create a standard against which people can measure their own success.

For our Controllers out there, Traditional authoritarian supervision is a Win/Lose paradigm. If you don’t have trust or a common vision of desired results, you tend to hover over, check up on, and direct. Trust isn’t there, so you feel as though you have to control people.

But if the trust is high, what is your method? Get out of their way. As long as you have an up-front agreement and they know exactly what is expected, your role is to be a source of help and to receive their accountability reports.

It is much more ennobling to the human spirit to let people judge themselves than to judge them.

Five Interdependent dimensions of life – DIMENSION 4 “SYSTEMS”

Win/Win can only survive in an organization when the systems support it. If you talk Win/Win but reward Win/Lose, you’ve got a losing program on your hands.

You basically get what you reward. If you want to achieve the goals and reflect the values in your mission and vision, then you need to align the reward system with those goals and values.

For Win/Win to work the systems have to support it. The training system, the planning system, the communication system, the budgeting system, the information system, the compensation system – all have to be based on the principle of Win/Win.

So often the problem is in the system, not in the people. If you put good people in bad systems, you get bad results. You have to water the flowers you want to grow.

Five Interdependent dimensions of life – DIMENSION 5 “PROCESSES”

Win Roger Fisher and William Ury, two Harvard law professors, suggest that the essence of principled negotiation is to separate the person from the problem, to focus on interests and not positions, to invent options for mutual gain, and to insist on objective criteria – some external standard or principle that both parties can buy into.

Covey suggests people and organizations seeking Win/Win solutions become involved in the following four-step process:

• First, see the problem from the other point of view. Really seek to understand and give expression to the needs and concerns of the other party as well as or better than they can themselves.
• Second, identify the key issues and concerns (not positions) involved.
• Third, determine what results would constitute a fully acceptable solution.
• And fourth, identify possible new options to achieve those results.

Summary of Habit 4 Think Win/Win

Win/Win is not a personality technique. It’s a total paradigm of human interaction. It comes from a character of integrity, maturity, and an abundance mentality. It grows out of high-trust relationships. It is embodied in agreements that effectively clarify and manage expectations as well as accomplishments. It thrives in supportive systems and it is achieved through the process we are now prepared to more fully examine in Habits 5 and 6. 

Habit 5 Seek First to Understand, Then To Be Understood.

Suppose you’ve been having trouble with your eyes and you go to an optometrist for help. After briefly listening to your complaint, he takes off his glasses and hands them to you.

“Here, try these -- they’ve been working for me for years!” So, you put them on, but they only make the problem worse.

“This is terrible”, you exclaim.

“What’s wrong,” he asks. “They work great for me”. “Try harder”.

“I am trying” you insist. “Everything is a blur.”

“Well, what’s the matter with you? Try thinking more positively.”

“Okay, I positively can’t see a thing.”

“Boy, are you ungrateful” he chides. “And after all I’ve done to help you!”

What are the chances you’d go back to that optometrist? Not very good I would imagine.

But how often do we do the same thing in our everyday interactions with others? We have such a tendency to rush in, to relate to our experience, and want to fix things up with good advice. But we often fail to take the time to diagnose, to really, deeply understand the problem first. 

Covey says, if he were to summarize in one sentence the single most important principle he has learned in the field of interpersonal relationships, it would be this:

“Seek First to Understand, Then To Be Understood.”

This principle is key to effective interpersonal communication.

Habit 5 - Character and Communication

Communication is the most important skill in life. We spend most of our waking hours communicating. But consider this: You’ve spent years learning how to read and write, years learning how to speak. But what about listening? What training or education have you had that enables you to listen so that you really, deeply, understand another human being from that individual’s own frame of reference? Where there has been training it is usually a technique that is truncated from the character base and relationship base vital to authentic understanding of another person.

Covey says if we want to interact effectively with me, to influence me - you first need to understand me. And you can’t do that with technique alone. If I sense you’re using a technique, I sense duplicity, manipulation and I don’t feel safe enough to open myself up to you. The real key to your influence with me is your example, your actual conduct.

So, if you want to be really effective in the habit of interpersonal communication, you cannot do it with technique alone. You have to build the skills of empathetic listening, on a base of character that inspires openness and trust. And you have to build the Emotional Bank Accounts that create a commerce between hearts.  

Habit 5 - Empathic Listening

“Seek first to understand” involves a very deep shift in paradigm. We typically seek first to be understood. Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply. They’re either speaking or preparing to speak.

When another person speaks, we are usually listening at one of four levels. We may be IGNORING them, not really listening at all. We may practice PRETENDING. “Yeah. Uh-huh. Right.” We may practice SELECTIVE LISTENING, hearing only certain parts of the conversation. Or we may even practice ATTENTIVE LISTENING, paying attention and focusing energy on the words that are being said. But very few of us ever practice the fifth level, the highest form of listening, EMPATHIC LISTENING.

When I say empathic listening, I mean listening with the intent to really understand. It’s an entirely different paradigm. Empathic (from empathy) listening gets inside another person’s frame of reference. You look out through it, you see the world the way they see the world, you understand their paradigm, you understand how they feel.

If all the air were suddenly sucked out of the room you are in right now, what would happen to your interest in reading this post? You wouldn’t care about it; you wouldn’t care about anything except getting air. Survival would be your only motivation.

Next to physical survival, the greatest need of a human being is psychological survival – to be understood, to be affirmed, to be validated, to be appreciated.

When you listen with empathy to another person, you give that person psychological air. And after that vital need is met, you can then focus on influencing or problem-solving.

This need for psychological air impacts communication in every area of life.

Habit 5 - Ethos, Pathos, Logos

The early Greeks had a magnificent philosophy that is embodied in three sequentially arranged words: ethos, pathos, and logos. Covey suggests these three words contain the essence of seeking first to understand and making effective presentations.

#Ethos is your personal credibility; the faith people have in your integrity and competency. It’s the trust that you inspire, your emotional bank account. #Pathos is the empathic side – it’s the feeling. It means you are aligned with the emotional thrust of another person’s communication. #Logos is the logic, the reasoning part of the presentation.

Notice the sequence: ethos, pathos, logos – your character, and your relationships, and then the logic of your presentation. This represents another major paradigm shift. Most people, in making presentations, go straight to the logos, the left-brain logic, of their ideas. They try to convince other people of that logic without first taking ethos and pathos into consideration.

When you can present your own ideas clearly, specifically, visually, and most important, contextually – in the context of a deep understanding of their paradigms and concerns – you significantly increase the credibility of your ideas.

Habit 5 lifts you to greater accuracy, greater integrity, in your presentations. And people know that. They know you’re presenting ideas which you genuinely believe, taking all known facts and perceptions into consideration, that will benefit everyone.

Habit 6 Synergize - Principles of Creative Cooperation

When Sir Winston Churchill was called to head up the war effort for Great Britain, he remarked that all his life had prepared him for this hour. In a similar sense, the exercise of all the previous habits prepares us for the habit of synergy.

What is synergy? Simply defined, it means that the whole is greater than the sum of its parts. One plus one = three or more, sometimes a lot more. The essence of synergy is to value differences – to respect them, to build on strengths, to compensate for weaknesses. 

Unfortunately, many people have not really experienced even a moderate degree of synergy in their family life or other interactions. They’ve been trained and scripted into defensive and proactive communications or into believing that life or other people can’t be trusted. As a result, they are never really open to Habit 6 and these principles.  This represents one of the greatest tragedies and waste in life because so much potential remains untapped – completely underdeveloped and unused.

Consider our social, mental, and emotional differences. Could these differences not also be sources of creating new, exciting, forms of life – creating an environment that is truly fulfilling for each person, that nurtures the self-esteem and self-worth of each, that creates opportunities for each to mature into independence and then gradually into interdependence? Could synergy not create a new script for the next generation – one that is more geared to service and contribution, and is less protective, less adversarial, less selfish; one that is more open, more trusting more giving, and is less defensive, protective, and political; one that is more loving, more caring, and is less possessive and judgmental?

Habit 6 Synergize - Synergy experienced

Covey speaks of Synergy in the classroom and in business. When a group/class/team is in synergy they release creative energy. Excitement replaces boredom. People become very open to each other’s influence and generate new insights and options. Differences are valued and transcended.

Once people have experienced real synergy, they are never quite the same. They know the possibility of having other such mind-expanding adventures in the future.

Other attempts are made to recreate a particular synergistic experience, but this seldom can be done. However, the essential purpose behind creative work can be recaptured. Like the far eastern philosophy, “We seek not to imitate the masters, rather we seek what they sought,” we seek not to imitate past creative synergistic experiences, rather we seek new ones around new and different and sometimes higher purposes.

Habit 6 Synergize - Levels of Communication

This diagram illustrates how closely trust is related to different levels of communication.

The LOWEST level of communication coming out of low-trust situations would be characterized by defensiveness, protectiveness, and often legalistic language, which covers all the bases and spells out qualifiers and the escape clauses in the event things go sour. Such communication produces only Win/Lose or Lose/Win which eventually equals lose/lose. It isn’t effective - there is no P/PC balance – and it creates further reasons to defend and protect.

The MIDDLE position is respectful communication. This is the level where fairly mature people interact. They have respect for each other, but they want to avoid the possibility of ugly confrontations, so they communicate politely but not empathically. In interdependent situations compromise is usually the position taken. Compromise means 1+1=1.5. Both parties give and take. The communication isn’t defensive or protective or angry or manipulative; it is honest and respectful. But it isn’t creative or synergistic. It produces a low form of Win/Win.

The HIGHEST position Synergy means 1+1=8, 16, or even 1,600. The synergistic position of high trust produces solutions better than any originally proposed, and all parties know it. Furthermore, they genuinely enjoy the creative enterprise. Even if short-lived, the P/PC balance is present.

There are some circumstances in which synergy may not be achievable and No Deal isn’t viable. Even in these circumstances, the spirit of sincere trying will usually result in a more effective compromise.

Habit 6 Synergize – Application Suggestions

1.  Think about a person that typically sees things differently than you do. Consider ways in which those differences might be used as stepping-stones to third alternative solutions. Perhaps you could seek out his or her views on a current project or problem, valuing the different views you are likely to hear.

2.  Make a list of people who irritate you. Do they represent different views that could lead to synergy if you had greater intrinsic security and valued the difference?

3.   Identify a situation in which you desire greater teamwork and synergy. What conditions would need to exist to support synergy? What can you do to create those conditions?

4.  The next time you have a disagreement or confrontation with someone, attempt to understand the concerns underlying that person’s position. Address those concerns in a creative and mutually beneficial way.  

Habit 7 Sharpen The Saw – Principles of Balanced Self-Renewal

Suppose you were to come upon someone in the woods working feverishly to saw down a tree.

“What are you doing?” you ask.

“Can’t you see?” comes the impatient reply. “I’m sawing down this tree.”

“You look exhausted!” you exclaim. “How long have you been at it?”

“Over five hours,” he returns, “and I’m beat! This is hard work.”

“Well, why don’t you take a break for a few minutes and sharpen the saw?” you inquire. “I’m sure it would go a lot faster.”

“I don’t have time to sharpen the saw,” the man says emphatically. “I’m too busy sawing!”

Habit 7 is taking time to sharpen the saw. It surrounds the other habits on the 7 habits paradigm because it is the habit that makes all others possible.

Habit 7 is personal PC (Production Capability). It’s preserving and enhancing the greatest asset you have – you. To do this we must Be Proactive. Taking time to sharpen the saw is a definite Quadrant II activity. And Quadrant II must be acted on. Quadrant I, because of its urgency, acts on us; it presses upon us constantly. Personal PC must be pressed upon until it becomes second nature until it becomes a kind of healthy addiction. Because it’s at the center of our Circle of Influence, no one can do it for us. We must do it for ourselves.

This is the single most powerful investment we can ever make in life – investment in ourselves, in the only instrument we have with which to deal with life and to contribute. We are the instruments of our own performance, and to be effective, we need to recognize the importance of taking time regularly to sharpen the saw.

It’s renewing the four dimensions of your nature – physical, spiritual, mental, and social/emotional. Although different words are used, most philosophies of life deal either explicitly or implicitly with these four dimensions. We will begin diving into all four next Monday.

Habit 7 Sharpen The Saw – The 4 Dimensions of your nature –

Physical, Spiritual, Mental, Social/Emotional.

THE PHYSICAL DIMENSION

Today we discuss THE PHYSICAL DIMENSION which involves caring effectively for our physical body – eating the right kinds of foods, getting sufficient rest and relaxation, and exercising on a regular basis.

These activities are Quadrant II, high-leverage activities that most of us don’t do consistently because it isn’t urgent. Because we don’t do it, sooner or later we find ourselves in Quadrant I, dealing with the health problems and crisis that comes as a natural result of our neglect.

Most of us have a distorted paradigm that we don’t have time to exercise when really, we don’t have time NOT to exercise. For those people, a good exercise program is one that you can do in your own home and one that will build your body in three areas: endurance, flexibility, and strength.

ENDURANCE comes from aerobic exercise, from cardiovascular efficiency – the ability of your heart to pump blood through your body. Endurance increases by increasing your rate (to a recommended target for you) and maintaining that rate for 30-minutes several times per week.

FLEXIBILITY comes through stretching. Most experts recommend warming up before and cooling down/stretching after aerobic exercise. Before helps loosen and warm the muscles to prepare for more vigorous exercise. After helps to dissipate the lactic acid so that you don’t feel sore and stiff.

STRENGTH comes from muscle resistance exercises – like simple calisthenics, push-ups, and sit-ups, and from working with weights. The level of strength each of us wants to build is different for different reasons. The essence of renewing the physical dimension is to sharpen the saw. To exercise our bodies on a regular basis in a way that will preserve and enhance our capacity to work, adapt, and enjoy. Thus, we should be wise in our exercise program not to cause unnecessary pain, injury, and even permanent damage.

Likely the greatest benefit you will experience from exercising will be the development of your Habit 1 muscles of proactivity. As you act based on the value of physical well-being instead of reacting to all the forces that keep you from exercising, your paradigm of yourself, your self-esteem, your self-confidence, and your integrity will be profoundly affected.

Habit 7 Sharpen The Saw – THE SPIRITUAL DIMENSION

A powerful transformational story “THE TURN OF THE TIDE.”

Renewing THE SPIRITUAL DIMENSION provides leadership to your life. It’s highly related to Habit 2.

The spiritual dimension is your core, your center, your commitment to your value system. It’s a very private area of your life and a supremely important one. It draws upon the sources that inspire and uplift you and tie you to the timeless truths of all humanity. And people do it very, very differently.

Many do it with prayer and scripture, some get emersed in literature or music, others in the way they commune with nature.

Arthur Gordon shares a wonderful, intimate story of his own spiritual renewal in a little story called “THE TURN OF THE TIDE.” It tells of a time in his life when he began to feel that everything was stale and flat. His writing efforts were fruitless and the situation was growing worse day by day.

Finally, he sought out a medical doctor who observed nothing was physically wrong. The doctor asked if he could follow his instructions for one day. Gordon agreed. The doctor told him to spend the following day in a place that made him happiest as a child. He could take food but he was not to talk to anyone or to read or write or listen to the radio. He then wrote out four prescriptions and told him to open one at nine, twelve, three, and six o’clock.

The next morning Gordon went to the beach. As he opened the first prescription it read “LISTEN CAREFULLY.” He thought the doctor was insane. How could he listen for three hours? But he had agreed so he listened. He heard the usual sounds of the sea and the birds. After a while, he could hear the other sounds that weren't so apparent. As he listened, he began to think of lessons the sea had taught him as a child. Patience, respect, an awareness of the interdependence of things. He began to listen to the sounds – and the silence – and to feel a growing peace.

At noon he opened the second slip of paper and read “TRY REACHING BACK.” He thought about his past, about many little moments of joy. He tried to remember them with exactness. And in remembering, he found growing warmth inside.

At three o'clock, he opened the third script. Until now they had been easy to take. But this one was different; it said “EXAMINE YOUR MOTIVES.” At first, he was defensive. He thought about what he wanted – success, recognition, security – and he justified them all. But then the thought occurred to him that those motives weren’t good enough and that perhaps therein was the answer to his stagnant situation.

He considered his motives deeply. He thought about past happiness. And at last, the answer came to him.

“In a flash of certainty,” he wrote, “I saw that if one’s motives are wrong, nothing can be right. It makes no difference whether you are a mailman, a hairdresser, an insurance salesman, a housewife – whatever. As long as you feel you are serving others, you do the job well. When you are concerned only with helping yourself, you do it less well – a law as inexorable as gravity.”

When six o’clock came, the final prescription didn’t take long to fill. “WRITE YOUR WORRIES IN THE SAND,” it said. He knelt and wrote several words with a piece of broken shell; then he turned and walked away. He didn’t look back; he knew the tide would come in.

I personally found this exercise very powerful with only one hour per script and recommend it to anyone. The timing seems good as we reflect on the past year and look forward to the new year. Happy New Year everyone! If you have experienced something similar, I’m sure it would serve as valuable to others if you would share a few words here.

Habit 7 Sharpen The Saw – THE MENTAL DIMENSION

Most of our mental development and study discipline comes through formal education. But as soon as we leave the external discipline of school, many of us let our minds atrophy.

There is no better way to inform and expand your mind on a regular basis than to get into the habit of reading good literature. “The person who doesn’t read is no better off than the person who can’t read.” We can expand our paradigms and sharpen our mental saw reading, particularly if we practice Habit 5 as we read and seek first to understand. If we read through our lens and make early judgments before we really understand what an author has to say, we limit the benefits of the reading experience.

Writing is another powerful way to sharpen the mental saw. Keeping a journal of our thoughts, experiences, insights, and learnings promote mental clarity, exactness, and context. Writing good letters -communicating on a deeper level rather than shallow, superficial also affects our ability to think clearly, to reason accurately, and to be understood effectively.

As we begin a New Year, recognize that organizing and planning represent other forms of mental renewal associated with Habits 2 and 3. It’s beginning with the end in mind and being able mentally to organize to accomplish that end.

It is said that wars are won in the General’s tent. Sharpening the saw in the first 3 dimensions – physical, spiritual, and mental – is a practice Covey calls the “Daily Private Victory.” He commends to us the simple practice of investing one hour a day every day doing it – one hour a day for the rest of your life.

Happy New Year!

Habit 7 Sharpen The Saw – THE SOCIAL/EMOTIONAL DIMENSION 

While the Physical, Spiritual, and Mental Dimensions (discussed in my 3 previous posts) are closely related to Habits 1, 2, and 3 – centered on the principles of personal vision, leadership, and management – the Social/Emotional Dimensions focus on Habits 4, 5, and 6 – centered on the principles of interpersonal leadership, empathic communication, and creative cooperation. It's the place we build relationships, give service, laugh, and love.

Suppose we need to communicate together, to work together, to discuss a jugular issue, to accomplish a purpose, or solve a problem. But we see things differently, we’re looking through different lenses. You see the young lady and I see the old woman.

So, I practice Habit 4. I come to you and I say, “I can see that we are approaching this situation differently. Why don’t we agree to communicate until we find a solution we both feel good about? Would you be willing to do that?” Most people will be willing to say “yes” to that.

Then I move to Habit 5. “Let me listen to you first.” Instead of listening with the intent to reply, I listen empathically in order to deeply understand your paradigm. When I can explain your point of view as well as you can, then I focus on communicating my point of view to you so that you understand it as well.

Based on the commitment to search for a solution that we both feel good about and a deep understanding of each other’s points of view, we move to Habit 6. We work together to produce third alternative solutions to our differences that we both recognize are better than the ones either you or I proposed initially.

Covey also shares that he believes that a life of integrity is the most fundamental source of personal worth. He does not agree with the popular success literature that says self-esteem is primarily a matter of mindset, of attitude – that you can psych yourself into peace of mind.

Covey believes peace of mind comes when your life is in harmony with true principles and values and in no other way.

Habit 7 Sharpen The Saw – THE UPWARD SPIRAL

Renewal is the principle – and the process – that empowers us to move on an upward spiral of growth and change, of continuous improvement.

To make meaningful and consistent progress along that spiral, we need to consider one aspect of renewal as it applies to the unique human endowment that directs this upward movement – our conscience. In the words of Madame de Staël, “The voice of conscience is so delicate that it is easy to stifle it: but it is also so clear that it is impossible to mistake it.”

Conscience is the endowment that senses our congruence or disparity with correct principles and lifts us toward them – when it’s in shape.

I believe that as we grow and develop on this upward spiral, we must show diligence in the process of renewal by educating and obeying our conscience. An increasingly educated conscience will propel us along the path of personal freedom, security, wisdom, and power.

Moving along the upward spiral requires us to learn, commit, and do on increasingly higher planes. We deceive ourselves if we think that any one of these is sufficient. To keep progressing, we must learn, commit, and do – learn, commit, and do – and learn, commit, and do again.

Habit 7 Sharpen the Saw – Application Suggestions

1.     Make a list of activities that would help you keep in good physical shape, that would fit your lifestyle, and that you could enjoy over time.

2.     Select one of the activities and list it as a goal for the coming week. At the end of the week evaluate your performance. If you didn’t make your goal, was it because you subordinated it to a genuinely higher value? Or did you fail to act with integrity to your values?

3.     Make a similar list of renewing activities in your spiritual and mental dimensions. In your social-emotional area, list relationships you would like to improve or specific circumstances in which Public Victory would bring greater effectiveness. Select one item from each area to list as a goal for the week. Implement and evaluate.

4.     Commit to writing down specific “sharpen the saw” activities in all four dimensions every week, to do them, and to evaluate your performance and results.

To wrap up this 7 Habits series, I leave you with this thought to reflect on again and again. Covey tells a story one day he was wandering between stacks of books in the back of a college library he worked near. He came across a book that drew his interest. As he opened it, his eyes fell upon a single paragraph that powerfully influenced the rest of his life.

He read the paragraph over and over again. It basically contained the simple idea that THERE IS A GAP OR A SPACE BETWEEN STIMULUS AND RESPONSE, AND THAT THE KEY TO BOTH OUR GROWTH AND HAPPINESS IS IN HOW WE USE THAT SPACE. 

This concludes my year-long series of weekly posts on Stephen Covey's 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. The 7 Habits represent the internalization of correct principles upon which enduring happiness and success are based. I wish you many paradigm-shifts in which you see the world in a new light that will bring you continued growth, happiness, and success. Be Effective!