‘My experience as a first time therapist working full time in clinical corporate settings’

Greetings. I’m Aniqa Khalid, a practising Clinical Psychologist, and currently in active works of becoming a trauma-informed therapist, constantly improving and adding newer tools in my belt and ever-evolving diversity in my experience. I aim to leave a creative signature on the Trauma Release and Wellness Centre’s journey through life and driven by that intention, I have set out to pen this piece.

As my fourth year of career began, I joined TRWC in hopes of enhancing my professional curves and fill the visible and non-visible gaps that I began to feel were nuanced and pronounced in my role as a therapist, blocking the flow of my skill-set ever increasing in their capacities.

I sought someone who will continuously level me up and desired to get affiliated with a tribe of like-minded individuals, that will help me out-grow my previous selves, discover any hidden potential within me, and provide a more advanced understanding of the world of clinical psychology

How it began:

The job required a lot more than what was written on their job-hunt post. To my genuine surprise, I was finalised, despite being a younger candidate in a pool of highly experienced people. It was my first time experience in an 8-hour full time job of six days, and with each passing day, it proved to be a transformative journey for me in terms of both my personal growth and my career spectrum. Infact, the way I usually assess my progress or stagnant phases of my uncertain life, is that I weigh the value add-on or deduction in comparative analysis: How is this different from who I was before and after I did this/joined this.

Gains:

Based on how I diligently spent my time at TRWC, how much degree of initiation I did on my part, how much learning and unlearning was in active interplay both on the surface and molecular level - my choice of words, my understanding of what the client seeks, the concept of attunement, participation in co-regulation with my colleagues, the yin and the yang of transferential energy (not just limited to within the session room, but also playing out in the office space and in my personal interactions), at every given second of my day was no less than stretching the womb as my development as a therapist was in progress.

The resources, acknowledgement and support provided have been a two-way exchange and space for appreciation that is remarkably exercised by everyone in the space so much so that it sometimes became the highlight of my day.

Challenges:

My challenges were simple, and as I state them out in the open, I can audibly hear a few hell-yeahs in the back-ground, specially from my boss, who by the way has been the most helpful mentor and has been very patient with me.

My very first challenge in the initial three month probation arc, was the engagement, keeping up with new trauma-infomed concepts and letting go of older ones, dissolving the talk-therapy approach and integrating breathing and regulation tools within the session.

In the space, I felt my insides crippling from not having sessions in the first two weeks and feeling that I am wasting the organization’s resources on me. In hindsight, I realized that my energy was of high anxiety, scared of making mistakes, desire to get everything right, clear discomfort at the abstract way many things were communicated, alertness of stating wrong things during addiction and group supervisions. To compensate for all that, I armoured a safe-option by default and took on the observer stance.

What helped me?

While working as a full-time therapist, and it being a novel experience of an 8-hour six days job, I began to exercise compassion for embodying the feelings that I was having, and following a past pattern, I was repressing and compartmentalizing my genuine thoughts and emotions. Despite all, I was genuinely very, very, very grateful for being here. Once the newness of the transition started to wear off, my capacity to withhold and rebound started to expand.

Even though the speed at which I was learning or being exposed to information was the usual 200 km/hr ride, I began to slow down and wanted to make that my new grind. Best of all, I did not compromise my self-care after work-hours routine. I also began to give chances to my colleagues around, and started to engage and express myself.

This is a cumulative product of eight months, with constant improvement in the process, doing in-depth inner work, and letting go of attached beliefs, previous ways of operating, to make space for aspects that will serve me and the people around me in the long run and elements that will really matter in the larger scheme of life.

Ending Note:

Sometimes, the only way through is the way forward. Every single interaction, every set-back, every message ventralling and every case discussion has served me in one way or another. Sometimes, when you are going through a situation, it does seem suffocating with the end of the tunnel appearing like a dead-end. In those times, it is essential to remind yourself that all is temporary and not to completely trust your racing thoughts and whirling emotions. Ground yourself and regulate, and things will slowly start to reveal themselves as time does its magic in the margins. Your glimmers deserve as much attention and space as your triggers. Not sure where this was supposed to go, but I hope it serves as a benefit in some capacity to every single pair of eyes that has read it.