My Pronouns Are None Of Your Business

My gender is none of your business.  I’m not going to share my pronouns with strangers because that too is none of their business. That’s right I said it and if it upsets you then YOU need to deal with it. I have no problem with people who choose to volunteer their preferred pronouns but these pronouns are none of MY business. I am not “woke” I guess, but the term “woke” itself offends me. “Woke” implies that hate groups aren’t bad people, they just aren’t enlightened, they’ll come around. There are people out there who know damned well that what they are doing is wrong, they aren’t asleep or unenlightened, they are bad people. How dare anyone describe a person who for the sake of example tortures his or her child to death as “unwoke”. One of the principal factors in deciding whether or not a person is guilty of a crime is whether or not they knew what they were doing was wrong not whether or not the defendant was woke.

Before people start to form an opinion about me, I should point out my perspective. I am a liberal, a word that comes from the same root as liberate, and I am proud that I am a liberal. This doesn’t mean that I am a soft-headed bleeding heart without any sense as some seem to believe but I do believe in social equality, fairness, and programs that help people who need it.

We live in a weird world where people throw hissy fits if someone circumvents the privacy settings on their social media and then demands to know intimate details we don’t need from strangers or virtual strangers. What’s next? Will I be expected to reveal whether I am wearing boxers or briefs? Whether or not I have been circumcised? My preferred sex position? How much personal and intimate information about myself do I have to be pressured into revealing in an open forum, or even privately for that matter?

Someone please explain to me why people feel compelled to shame people who don’t want to reveal things that are no one’s business but their own. When I was last asked to share my pronouns I said, “My pronoun is Mr. LaDuke” and the moderator politely said, “that’s more of a title, what we want you to share is do you prefer “him/his, she/her, or something else.” I explained that I knew exactly what they wanted to me to share and I wasn’t going to do it.  I pointed out that the only time one needed to use a pronoun instead of my name was when they were talking about me behind my back and I would prefer that they didn’t gossip about me. 

The moderator still intent on invading my privacy insisted that there were many legitimate times that one could use a pronoun in the presence of a person.  She used the example, “I agree with what he just said” I pointed out that I would be offensive and said the proper way to make that statement would be “I agree with what Phil just said”. Seriously what would be wrong with that?

She got snippy and said “people don’t talk that way” and I calmly suggested that maybe, just maybe they should.

The same people who insist that I reveal my pronouns would never ask me to introduce myself by giving my name, where I am from, how old I am, my social security number, or whether or not I am adopted. Why? Because, once again, it’s none of my business, and asking for information that isn’t any of your business is just plain rude.

But it’s not the indiscretion of asking people deeply personal questions that bothers me, it’s the us-versus-them conflicts that arise from the “look how special I am because I am different from you! Now, reaffirm my right to be different!”. I get it. Everyone wants to be special to one extent or another but equality is not achieved when we focus on what makes us special, or more woke, or whatever differentiates us from the mob. In fact, just the opposite tends to happen. When we set ourselves apart from others it leads to bigotry, discrimination, and scapegoating. Should it? Of course not, it happens. Life is seldom fair and a lot of times we are left alone to sweep up the shards of our shattered egos.

We make progress toward equality by focusing on what makes us similar. What we share in common not what sets us apart. Revealing intimate details about ourselves makes a good share of the people uncomfortable and speaking as someone who has spent his entire career making people uncomfortable, I can assure you that a lot of people hate those who have made them feel embarrassed, put on the spot, or merely uncomfortable. I am not in any way saying that people should hide who they are, or be ashamed of who they are, or anything like that, but I do think we would be better off working toward the important things on which we agree. People should celebrate who they are, but they shouldn't demand that others do the same.

Years ago I was part of a team that went to Communist Hungary for a new plant being built and operated by a very large American manufacturer. One of our courses used the term, "the squeaky wheel gets the grease" and we had to change it because the Communist equivalent was "the nail that sticks out get's hammered." I love to stick out, it's hardwired into my personality, but you won't hear me whine when I get hammered.

I refuse to divulge my pronouns; I think the whole idea came out of some Ivory Tower Acadamia Nut who doesn’t interact in normal social settings.  So try not to judge me too harshly, because I will defend your right to share your pronouns if you will respect my right to keep some aspects of who I am private. 

#pronouns #woke #privacy #equality