My superpower: Anxiety.

I hear you. Anxiety is not to be trivialized, just hear me out. Anxiety has affected me since childhood, causing incapacitating stress headaches, insomnia, and other problems. The negative spiral of anxiety/insomnia/exhaustion/lack of energy to deal with the world is brutal. Anxiety has stopped me from writing exams and taking on opportunities. Many people who know me would probably be surprised to hear this. I’ve taken risks and taken on challenges and seen them through. I’ve weathered extremely stressful projects and situations and prevailed. I’ve been the constant for my team when the going got tough.

Anxiety is normal. Anxiety made sure our ancestors found shelter before dark, that they stored food for winter, and drove them to expend the energy to build protection from the elements. Insomnia is a survival reflex to keep you awake against threats in the dark.

Unfortunately, our caveman preservation systems don’t work so well in the modern world.

The key is in how you manage anxiety. Here are the lessons I’ve learned over the years.

·        Plan. Work ahead. Be prepared. Be organized. Hand your future self an easy pass. Then trust your preparation. When you are relying on the complex planning you did months ago that you can’t fully remember anymore, you must trust your past self absolutely. This pact with yourself requires discipline and consistency. Working well ahead buys you more time. Think of Tetris. When you have time to place the blocks easily and stay ahead. When you no longer have the time to place them is when you can’t cope. Not to be confused with pre-cratination.

·        Overprepare. Training, exams, presentation, new tasks. By the time you sit that exam you want to have the confidence that you’ve done all you possibly could. Since I’ve adopted this strategy my fear of exams has evaporated, and I love learning, and I ace exams. I ace the exams not because I’m smart, but because I’ve put in the hours and internalized the knowledge.

·        Exercise. 2-3 hours a week, higher intensity preferably. De-stress at the end of a day with a run to work through the day’s events, beat the frustration out of a punching bag or do aerobic exercise that requires all your focus. Crucially, don’t overtrain and cause injury. The extra energy from being fit, the 30 minutes of me-time, plus the endorphins released during exercise combine into a magic elixir. Exercising with my boys (when I can get them away from Minecraft and Fortnite) or yoga with my wife is a great time to bond and chat. Exercising after work energizes you before getting down to some studying after some family time.

·        Mindfulness. 10 minutes of breathing exercises, stretching exercises and a reflection on what you are grateful for in the morning instead of social media sets the tone for the day and teaches your body to respond differently to stress and anxiety. It really causes physical changes to the brain.

·        Sleep. Sweet, sweet, sleep! I need medication to stop my whirling thoughts so I can fall asleep, and I’m awake early, but 6-8 hours a night is so much better than 3. Don’t compromise on sleep. Everything is so much harder when you are exhausted.

·        Set boundaries and guide rails and enforce them. In many IT jobs, the limits can be ill-defined….there is always more to do. A company can never be 100% secure. The service is never 100%. There is always more documentation to write. Setting realistic targets for yourself and your team is to everyone’s benefit. Disconnect at the end of the workday.

·        Seek professional help. When I finally gave in and sought help, everything changed. I’m not weak or flawed. The symptoms and effects are predictable and measurable. A significant proportion of the population is in the same boat. I could relax about anxiety.

·        Be kind to yourself. It is OK to make mistakes, it is OK to not be 100% every day. Aim for long-term consistency rather than maximum effort every day.   

You missed the point if you wonder where I get the time to do all this. Without spending this relatively small amount of time I couldn’t do everything I do. I must mention that hybrid working without 2-3 hours in traffic has made a huge difference, and weeks when I’m travelling or at site a lot it is harder to keep the routine.

The need to deal with anxiety has forced me to become very disciplined in almost every aspect of my life. Being organized and prepared has benefitted me hugely in my professional life. I’ve gained tremendous confidence from taking on and excelling at training. The future-me/past-me trust has boosted my self-esteem.

You may think “easy for you to say”. Perhaps it is, but it has taken me more than 40 years to get to this point. There were no big leaps. I never went from couch potato to exercising 3 hours a week in one week. Over time I’ve refined what works for me.

The best thing is that I can teach my sons these coping methods early in their life so they do not have to reinvent the wheel.