My Year in Review

I have a different post-mortem I wrote analyzing in a binary fashion whether I hit my goals or not. But since I'm a nerd for trying new approaches and I respect Harvard Business Review's guidance, I'm trying this out.: How to Create Your Own “Year in Review” (hbr.org)

When have I learned the most this year? I've scaled my impact this year by making public appearances, which started in prior years by posting on social media. At work, I submitted my ChatGPT-created tech sales rap to our organization's talent show. Even though I didn't win, my coworkers applauded my awkwardness with support. Comments like "Move over, Missy Elliott" and "This should be shown to all new sales hires" helped calm my nerves about doing something new. (I've never publicly rapped, or privately, actually.) I wasn't terrible, but the first time anyone does something, they usually aren't good. I'm constantly learning, but allowing myself to fail publicly has been one of the most valuable experiences for my personal growth. I remember watching Gary Vaynerchuck, a successful entrepreneur and motivational speaker, talk about embracing failure as a stepping stone to success. I met him once at SXSW. Nice guy. Offered a selfie after he gave an f-bomb-laden lecture about failure to a packed house. He shared his own experiences of failure and how they ultimately led him to where he is today. He inspired me. Still, it's hard to put myself out there, especially with some experience of people trying to ruin my reputation and stall my career.

Somehow, I was offered other company appearances. Thanks to any and all who helped there. In an organization as big as Dell, there had to be some support, especially to participate on a sales-organization-wide panel. I was told that approximately 15,000 salespeople would see it (after we were done filming, thankfully). Knowing how badly I once wanted the opportunities I couldn't have, I'd be crazy to turn down the opportunity, even though it scared me a bit. Some people recognize me because they've seen me on the screen, and I don't know who they are. They randomly come up to me at work. It makes me paranoid about running around without knowing who is watching me. As a result, I try to dress better, or at least consider it before I step out of the house. I'm an efficiency-first person, but now I try to be presentable.

That happened when I ran American Pets Alive, and I don't know if I ever felt comfortable with it. At the unemployment office, one of the volunteers recognized me and asked, "Don't you lead the conference? I volunteered for you." I retorted, "I used to, and thank you for all your help." I had over 60 volunteers, so I didn't recognize many, but they knew me. With my luck, I'm bound to run into someone in an embarrassing situation that I'd rather not. But that's just how life goes sometimes.

What do I feel most proud of?

I committed myself to doing the hard things.

To average 6k steps a day. To obtain more public speaking opportunities. To work on social media. To improve my writing. To learn more about AI and to have more hard conversations (something I don't love). Hard conversations seem to create better relationships for the most part. It also soured some relationships with people who didn't want to have those conversations and decided I was the villain in their story. It's important to be willing to engage in difficult conversations and understand that not everyone will respond positively. At least, I like to tell myself that.

Who has helped me be at my best? Professionally? My manager, my mentors, and my coworkers. They share what they know, call me out on my crap when needed, and help where they can. The hardest thing to do in the last couple of years was deal with passive-aggressive bullying. It's a female thing, unfortunately. The goal seems to be to use their social capital to exclude me. People are forced to take sides, and it's weird. These are middle-aged women we're talking about, not high school. While it doesn't feel good, I refuse to let their actions define my worth or dampen my spirits. After all, I'm focused on my goals. I won't let them hinder me from achieving success. One thing I know is that people who do that don't go very far because they are too busy focusing on others rather than their journey. I don't remember what motivational speaker said—Focus on your journey. The distance between you and people like that will increase until you're so far ahead that they're just internet trolls.

How have my strengths helped me succeed? I could drive and execute concrete results because I'm used to goal-setting—breaking it down tactically and measuring the results, then evaluating what worked and what didn't. I got feedback that I am strong-willed and free-spirited. I didn't see myself like that, but I can accept it. You don't escape poverty by letting others tell you no and accepting it.

People will box you and cage you in a way that suits them. As a welfare mom, no one expected me to become a contributing member of society. When I landed a global account working inside sales, it was impossible—until I did it. Impossible is always impossible until someone does it, then it's possible. Someone had to believe that it was before it became so. While I can't control what box others put me in. I don't have to live down to their expectations.

As for free-spiritedness, I've always been an adventurer. Even more so as I age and realize just how short life is. If I could do one thing, it's to remind people to live a life they'd choose again. I have some regrets. Most of them have been around professional ambitions. If I had realized in my 20s what I know now, I would've made very different decisions. I've always believed myself to be an exception, that any odd could be overcome if I worked at it. Free-spiritedness can earn admirers. It seems to create quite a few enemies as well.

What's the one thing I wish I'd done differently? Limiting toxic people earlier because it doesn't get better. That was heartbreaking, though necessary. Being surrounded by doers has made a substantial difference. Being around people who want to see you win and win with you. Otherwise, it's better to go at it alone. 

Play it Back Prompts:

What three words would you use to describe the last year? Challenging, Fun, and Growth

What have you found most fulfilling and frustrating over the last 12 months?

Most fulfilling: learning new approaches with AI and with structured study. Spending time in different places with strangers (or newly made acquaintances), hearing stories about histories and customs.

Most frustrating: watching people take sides when a conflict arises and choosing the other side. I get it. We all want to fit in. It's safe to be on the popular side. Since this is a pattern I've seen before, I also know that when I'm back "in," they'll be back. Usually, they pretend that nothing ever happened, even though it did. I now know who they are. I can't unsee that or unknow that. I can make peace with it. I'm a strong believer that past behavior indicates future actions because it's rare that people change. When they do, and they can, it's hard. Most people don't, especially if they don't see anything wrong with their actions. They pretend like nothing happened. I can't control their actions, but I can categorize them accordingly.

When have you been at your best this year?

• Public speaking. I get energized by sharing my knowledge and insights. It helps others, too. When I made a bunch of people laugh, it warmed my heart. Life is hard. We should all laugh more. We deserve it.
• Traveling to new places. The anticipation and the unexpected, combined with feeling lost, soaking in the places and the people, and realizing that when things go wrong, it's fixable. I'm a recovering perfectionist, and there's nothing like travel to remind me just how imperfect life is—and that's okay. There's beauty in it.

What confidence gremlins (i.e., beliefs that hold you back) have gotten in your way?

Others' opinions get in my way more than I'd like. I have to ask myself more about why others' opinions matter. Sometimes, it's essential—like feedback on sales methodology, ways to improve writing, shortcuts, and hacks. In other ways, people will hold different opinions, possibly because they benefit from the status quo. I've been on the side of innovation for a long time, from when my father told me about Darpa Net before the internet came to be. I was a part of the No Kill movement for homeless pets, and I'm embracing AI while also being concerned about some of the implications. Sometimes, feedback doesn't always come from a good place, so learning to discern what to apply and what not to can be a struggle.  People talk about imposter syndrome, but I know I'm good at certain things. Could I be better? Yes, we all could. I'm reasonably certain that I can take most things I'm skilled at and figure it out. I think the confidence gremlin comes in when people seem to doubt me. I'm like, you know my past. I got this. This? Whatever "this" is, may be a little challenging, but it's nothing compared to what I've done. Doing pop-lyric affirmations has been my latest attempt to counter societal programming. While I'm not sure it works, singing Sia's Unstoppable in the mirror when someone just annoyed me is...chef's kiss. If you hear me say, "Alexa" before I hang up - chances are one of my go-to affirmations is just around the corner.

What's the most useful thing you've read, watched, or listened to over the year? There are so many, but I'll touch on a few. The AI conference by MindValley, followed by WriteYourScreenplay by Jacob Krueger, then the Script to Screen class at Austin School of Film. If anyone from Dell reads this, it's the training at work. Epic stuff. Love the speeds and feeds. So many speeds. So many feeds. If any Dell customers are reading this, we in sales do this, so you don't have to—just one of the many ways we bring value.

Action Focus Finder:

One learning goal I will make progress on in the coming year is to continue to dig deeper into AI. I have an AI trainer and an AI personal assistant. Chat-GPT is my travel planner, and I'm really new to AI (although I seem to be farther than most of the people I speak to). 

Health will be one habit I commit to again, followed by personal development.

One person I will have a curious career conversation with is a public speaker who does consistent speaking engagements as part of their role for different conferences. Since I seem to know quite a few of them, it should be an easy enough action.

One way I will support someone else is to continue mentoring. Thank you, #Girlsclub. You know I love y'all. It helps me stay relevant in understanding people's challenges and allows me to share my experiences and hacks.

One mistake I won't make again is ignoring the red flags people show me. I recognize them, and I try to show grace. We all have our off days. I know I have. There are off days, and there are character flaws or ill-intent. There have been times I've written off actions as off days, only to discover ill-intent—or character flaws that cause harm, like envy or jealousy, lying, etc. I will still be the person to trust first in a limited capacity. In my opinion, going into any situation openly is critical to finding common ground and discovering true collaboration. Most people are great. Some people have issues. I hope those people get help but I don't need to subject myself to their issues. And that's on setting boundaries, which I'm still working on.

Frankly, I'm not sure I got much out of this so I think I'll continue to do the same analysis I have in the past years for my year in review moving forward. It was worth the try. One step I've already taken is using the Microsoft To-Do app with Outlook, and I plan to give it a good shot to see if it helps in 2024. I'm also trying out an AI scheduling assistant for when my schedule resumes. I'm pretty fascinated with it already.

Onward to 2024!

#iwork4dell #yearinreview #productivity