The Myth of 'Falling Behind': Why Life Isn't a Race You're Losing

The Illusion of Falling Behind and Society's Pressure

“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.” — Ralph Waldo Emerson.

In a world where our achievements are publicly displayed, it’s easy to feel like we’re falling behind. A quick scroll through social media shows people posting about their new homes, career progression, and life milestones that seem out of reach. Social media constantly reminds us of other people’s achievements, creating a curated version of success that adds to our insecurities. This illusion of ‘falling behind’ is a product of a culture that measures us against timelines that may not even align with our values. But are these traditional measures of success our own? In this article, I’ll break down the illusions surrounding linear progress, shed light on the power of self-compassion, explore ways to redefine success on our terms and reveal why feeling “behind” might be your most significant opportunity for growth. 

Society places enormous pressure on us to keep up. The cult of productivity suggests the constant pressure to be productive and efficient. However, this is not always possible because life is a complex system governed by our emotions and other factors. Moreover, the role of social media can exacerbate feelings of inadequacy and comparison since we tend to compare ourselves to people doing better than us. But this is an illusion because those people curate the best version of their lives without depicting their difficulties and challenges. Therefore, the myth of the perfect life does not exist, and we should be mindful of placing unrealistic expectations on ourselves, as portrayed in the media and advertising. 

Our life’s journey is seldom a linear path. Instead, it takes unexpected turns and detours so we can experience the depths of our being and grow from unforeseen events. This is why the value of setbacks can lead to growth and resilience—forcing us to deal with circumstances that are not of our choosing. Patience becomes a virtue in that we learn to be patient with ourselves and the process of life. We can also develop perseverance in facing challenges—finding purpose in life’s setbacks and challenges. Is this something you’ve experienced in your life? If so, what did you learn from the unexpected detours? 

The Power of Self-Compassion and Redefining Success

“Success is liking yourself, liking what you do, and liking how you do it.” — Maya Angelou.

This is why self-compassion becomes paramount. In life, we seldom have all the answers and make it up as we go along. As you know, there is no rule book for life, and we respond to unexpected challenges and obstacles based on our past conditioning. Recognizing self-critical thoughts and beliefs can change our internal narrative from self-criticism to self-compassion. We can incorporate healing practices for self-soothing and self-care into our lives. One I often use is taught by the American psychologist and meditation teacher Tara Brach, called the R.A.I.N method, which stands for: 

·        Recognize what is happening; 

·        Allow the experience to be there, just as it is; 

·        Investigate with interest and care; 

·        Nurture with self-compassion. 

Therefore, the next time you feel 'behind,' pause and try the R.A.I.N. method. Recognize that the feeling is merely a thought, not a fact. Allow your frustration to be there without judging it. Investigate it: what is it trying to tell you? Finally, nurture yourself as you would a friend facing similar doubts.

By practicing self-compassion, we can enhance our mental health and well-being by engaging in positive self-talk to understand our challenges. Therefore, to redefine success on our terms, we should be willing to challenge societal norms. I encourage you to question the conventional definitions of success since they may not be a measure of happiness for you.

Most people define success as achieving financial independence, worldly acclaim, improved health and well-being, career success, and being in a committed relationship. However, these might not be goals that you aspire to. I invite you to set realistic and meaningful goals that align with your values and purpose. For instance, you might find purpose in working with charities or organizations in your region. It requires effort and time to put our intentions into practice to discover what is significant to us. By celebrating small wins, we acknowledge our achievements no matter how small they seem. 

Practical Tips for Embracing Your Unique Journey

“Do not wait; the time will never be 'just right.' Start where you stand, and work with whatever tools you may have at your command.” — Napoleon Hill

Consider these actionable steps to move beyond the fear of being left behind: 

1. Mindfulness techniques: Introducing mindfulness meditation or mindfulness practices into our lives can help us be aware of our thoughts instead of criticizing ourselves. We allow the thoughts to be present instead of resisting them. This practice shows self-compassion because we welcome whatever surfaces without trying to manipulate or change them.
2. Define your metrics: Review what success means to you in your journal. This can be an opportunity to connect with your innermost self to discover what success entails instead of chasing an arbitrary image dictated by society. You may wish to break down your larger goals into smaller, manageable goals so you can track them as you progress. Similarly, measure progress not by what other people have achieved but by the past version of yourself. This is important because we may strive to live on other people’s terms and become frustrated if we don’t meet these expectations. 
3. Take inventory of your growth: Journal the skills you have developed over the years. Note the challenges you have overcome and the lessons and growth gained from these experiences. Sometimes, our personal development isn’t noticeable to others, and it may take time to become visible in our external reality. However, growth is invaluable because when we grow into the finest version of ourselves, we develop the resiliency to face life challenges—and overcome our prior challenges. 
4. Focus on action over worry: Identify one small step you can take today to move closer to your goals. Sometimes, it may be the most minor action, such as sending an email or reading information online or in a book. However, progress over time accumulates—and by attending to things that matter—we move purposefully toward our goals and highest aspirations. In other words, convert your anxious energy into productive momentum and allow yourself to be driven by it. 

As we’ve discovered throughout the article, the notion of falling behind is a myth shaped by societal pressures and unrealistic expectations. By challenging these norms and embracing the unexpected twists in our journey, we create space for genuine growth and self-discovery. Self-compassion allows us to silence self-doubt while setting personalized goals—transforming our progress into something meaningful. I hope this article has provided insights to reconsider what success means to you—and an invitation to appreciate your life as a journey unfolding at your own pace. As you go about your day, take five minutes to sit with yourself and ask, 'What does success mean to me today?' Remember, you’re not behind. You’re exactly where you need to be on your unique journey.

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