Navigating Career Crossroads

"Choosing a path means having to miss out on others. Choose wisely and deliberately, but don’t fear the paths not taken." - Adam Grant

When we hit midlife, it's common to start questioning the path we’ve taken. Maybe we’ve achieved traditional "success" but feel we have nothing to show for it, constantly worry about job security, or find ourself sacrificing family time for work. Why do we endure this cycle, and what drives us to prioritize professional over personal fulfillment even when it leads to unhappiness?

One core issue is our ego, intertwined with our careers, often equating job titles with self-worth. When we contemplate career shifts, especially in midlife, there’s a palpable fear of losing this part of our identity. This fear isn't just about a new job; it’s about altering who we are in the world. Our ego can make us really attached to our job titles and the recognition we get from our work.

My ego held me back...

I had been climbing the corporate ladder for years and had reached a level of success that I was proud of, with a prestigious title and recognition for my accomplishments. However, deep down, I had been feeling unfulfilled in my current role for some time. I dreamt of pursuing a career in a different field—one that aligned more closely with my passions and values.

But my ego held me back...

It whispered that leaving my current position would mean giving up the status and identity I’d worked so hard to build. It filled my mind with doubts and fears about starting over in a new industry. Despite my desire for change, I hesitated to take the leap, paralyzed by the thought of losing the familiar trappings of success. When I finally walked away from that successful career I built with - yes- blood, sweat, and tears- over the course of 20 years, I felt like throwing up during my two weeks’ notice – Every. Single. Day.

While I was figuring all this out, my ego also liked to chime in by telling me who I am and what I’m worth, and it really affected how I dealt with all the changes that came with the decision. Don't get me wrong - it was also exciting and liberating - but for me, frankly for thousands of us, it also felt very overwhelming.

Ego and Career Transitions

"Ego is not your amigo." – Unknown

Sometimes, my ego gave me the confidence to go after new things and make even bigger changes, but other times, it tried to hold me back, making me scared to try anything new and wanting to cling to what I knew because it felt safer. Transitioning careers, especially in midlife like I did, and for the folks I help, evokes some of our deepest fears and uncertainties – the ones we thought we’d conquered with our past successes.

These fears happily come out to play and many times, win the game and keep us in our comfy box. In the annoying red corner we have these regulars:

•         Fear of Failure: this one says – "oh hey! You really want to do that!? What if we don’t succeed on this new career path or don’t meet expectations? Won’t we feel inadequate or disappointed?"

•         Fear of Financial Instability: a fan favorite! "Are you nuts with this? We make good money, and you want to pursue some crazy dream? Who are we – wizards?" That is too risky- we are "way too old" to be taking a potential decrease in income or having uncertainty about future earnings…

•         Fear of Rejection or Criticism: wow, what will everyone say? "Can I do this in secret? What if I have to call this new adventure a flop?" They will not understand, and I'm not up for criticism or judgment from others for making unconventional career choices or deviating from societal norms. Been there, done that, frankly, hated it...yikes.

•         Fear of Starting Over: does this mean I am at the bottom of the ladder and must learn new skills from scratch? I’ve invested years in my previous career – what am I thinking?

•         Fear of Losing Identity: I worked so hard for this role and title – it is a big part of my identity and self-worth, and I am respected in my field. Just thinking of this makes me nervous…

All the clients I partner with feel some degree of this – and it ebbs and flows depending on the day, the emotion, the result we get, or the disappointment of the moment. It’s important to understand how our ego influences us during times of change and know these typical fears – they are not new, they are completely manageable and most importantly- many of them are not true.

Knowing how to navigate them in a way that feels true to ourselves and gives our lives real meaning is empowering and for me, led to a completely different way of living, growing and expanding the limits my ego had unknowingly put on me.

Finding Courage and Conquering Our Ego...

"Two roads diverged in a wood, and I - I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference." - Robert Frost

Here are some strategies that worked for me and what I help folks leverage as we navigate the complexities of ego and a career transition – these may be useful for you:

1. Understand Values: Clarify core values and passions beyond your professional identity and explore what truly brings you fulfillment and purpose.
2. Challenge Limiting Beliefs: Identify and challenge the limiting beliefs perpetuated by your ego in order to reframe your mindset to view career transitions as opportunities for growth and self-discovery rather than threats to your identity.
3. Set Clear Goals: By working to establish clear, actionable goals for a career transition, you can break down the process into manageable steps, allowing you to focus on the journey rather than being overwhelmed by the end goal.
4. Build Confidence: As a leader, yes you're confident, but when it comes to a huge transition like this, having a different perspective on the confidence and self-assurance necessary for this type of change, outside of professional achievements can feel new. By recognizing your worth beyond your job title and accomplishments, a new way of thinking can be achieved.
5. Create Accountability: Holding yourself accountable for taking steps towards your career transition, and getting encouragement and motivation along the way can help you stay committed to your goals even when faced with challenges or setbacks.
6. Explore Options: Explore various career paths and opportunities that aligned with your values and interests and supported a more informed decisions about next steps.
7. Have Emotional Support: By having a safe and supportive space to express your fears, doubts, and uncertainties about the transition process, you’ll be able to have your feelings validated - while also challenging yourself to move past them.
8. Celebrate Progress: Celebrate  your achievements and milestones throughout the career transition journey- it builds courage and resilience in stepping outside of your comfort zone and pursuing your passion.

For many of us, we're at a crucial point in our lives where we have the chance to welcome the changes and chances that come with middle age.

If we handle our ego with care and kindness, we can move through these changes smoothly and with a clear sense of direction, making our life journey richer and more meaningful. It’s a fight worth getting into the arena for…

Stacey...

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