Navigating Love in Retirement: Keeping Your Relationship Strong

Dear Friends,

I am not sure if it’s the impending Bennifer divorce or the fact that a big topic with my clients is the current state of their marriages, but this week I want to talk to those of you who are married or have a significant other (for my single readers, your edition of this newsletter is coming!).

Maintaining a healthy and vibrant relationship with a spouse or significant other during the transition into retirement can be both rewarding and challenging. As couples move away from structured work lives, they often find themselves spending more time together, which can bring both joy and new tensions. Here are some tips and resources to help keep these relationships strong during retirement:

Tips for Maintaining Healthy Relationships in and Approaching Retirement

Open Communication:

• Start discussing retirement plans early. Share your visions and expectations for retirement with your partner to ensure both are on the same page.
• Schedule regular check-ins to discuss how each of you is feeling about the transition and any adjustments that might be needed.

Maintain Individual Interests:

• Encourage each other to pursue personal hobbies and interests. This can prevent feelings of being overwhelmed by constant togetherness and provides topics for engaging conversations.
• Consider the "Four-Hour Rule," where couples spend at least four hours apart each day to foster independence and enrich shared time. I would say four hours is a minimum.

Create Shared Goals:

• Develop joint activities or projects that both partners can enjoy together, such as traveling, volunteering, or taking up a new hobby.
• Establish a shared vision for the future that includes mutual support and cooperation.

Respect Personal Space:

• Recognize and respect each other's need for personal space and alone time. This can help prevent feelings of irritation and maintain harmony.

Focus on Positives:

• Regularly remind yourselves of the qualities you love about each other. This can help maintain a positive perspective and reduce minor annoyances.

💡 Did you know I can also work with couples in planning your next chapter? If you want a guide through this process, let’s talk!

I am a big fan of iconic psychotherapist Esther Perel and her podcast, Where Should We Begin. Listen in as real people in search of insight bare the raw, intimate, and profound details of their stories. From breakups and open relationships to workplace conflicts and fractures in the family, it’s a place to hear our own stories reflected in the lives of others. 

Have a scroll through the episodes and I can guarantee you will find some episodes that will resonate with your relationship. Here are a couple of recommendations to get you started.

You Can Be Right, or You Can Be Married

They’ve been together for more than a decade, but this isn’t the first time they’ve separated. Stuck in a cycle of explosive escalations, a husband and wife want to make it work but can’t break their habit of going for the emotional jugular. Esther encourages them to start their conversations differently.

There’s You, There’s Me, There’s US

A middle-aged couple, together for seventeen years, best friends and partners who, despite their loving and positive relationship, go months without connecting sexually. He transitioned 10 years ago, and they’re both experiencing the physical changes of aging. Esther guides them through body exercises, in an effort to help them find sexual spaces amidst the crush of everyday life.

And when a new season of Couples Therapy comes out on Showtime, I block off my weekend and turn on my Do Not Disturb! Three seasons are available now. 

This is a documentary series following couples as they seek the help of psychoanalyst Dr. Orna Guralnik with their troubled relationships; executive producers Josh Kriegman and Elyse Steinberg are collaborating on the unscripted series that features real couples from New York City and its surrounding areas; the show strives to present the participants and the therapy process with empathy and not sensationalism as viewers track the couples' progress with Dr. Guralnik through each episode.

By watching/listening to the above podcasts and shows, you may recognize some of the same issues in your relationships. Or you may be relieved that your relationship feels solid in comparison. Either way, it is important to be thoughtful and intentional when considering your relationship as you enter or prepare for this major life transition. 

If you’d like to address any of the challenges in your relationship, I do recommend couples therapy. I can help you design a plan for your future together and separately, but I can’t help heal the damage that may exist in a marriage (see last week’s newsletter about the difference between therapy and coaching).

Stay tuned for weekly content about travel, health, relationships, identity, spirituality, doing good and starting a new venture as it relates to retirement/the next chapter in your life ✨

Please subscribe and forward this newsletter to others who are thinking about retirement planning or are already retired. Thanks for your support 🙏.

Warm regards,

Cara Gray, Retirement Coach

P.S. If you want to start planning your retirement, set up a time on my calendar for a chat: Schedule a Chat with Cara

P.S.S. If you are curious about my Retirement Blueprint service, here are all the details including how to get started.