Networking - From there to here

I'm shy, pauses for uncontrollable laughter.

Ok, maybe not shy, it's probably better described as an extroverted introvert, and this is for various reasons.

As I'm sure we can all relate, sometimes being active in the world can be draining.

From large family gatherings, social events, managing teams and sometimes and this is very true in me, masking – a term I classify as, putting on and outward face to the world and trying to maintain a perceived image, or be "normal”.

Sometimes we do it deliberately for other people's benefit, sometimes its unconscious, it can also be both.

NETWORKING

I have always hated networking, why, because I am awful with 1:1 interaction with new people and though I’ve performed on stage to crowds of people and have no shame arsing about on the road with my fella or singing and dancing wherever I am, being put on the spot with a group of people, feeling they are expecting something from me, whether that’s, something meaningful or very basic, scares the shit out of me.

Because believe it or not, I do not like being the singular focus of anyone’s attention.

Now I think on it, maybe, the reason that I'm awkward, hesitant and vehemently loathe networking and similar situations, is because I AM NOT COMFORTABLE WITH MYSELF.

EUREKA!!

So, what did I decide to do about it?

CROSSING THE FIRST NETWORKING HURDLE

I joined an IWFM | Institute of Workplace and Facilities Management committee, co-hosted a large Women in FM conference, stayed quietly in the corner doing live time social media posts on LI, acted like an idiot in the break, making people laugh so I didn't have to engage in a manner I assumed was expected of me, huddled next to Alice Clark in the safety of the back of the room because sitting next to her, grounded me. It grounded me from the mounting anxiety, heart palpations, flight response and bile that steadily making its way up my throat.

In fact, if I recall correctly, I even snuck out through the WD40 needing door, TWICE, locked myself in a female cubicle and dry heaved before adjusting my "mask", strutting back out and making the next social post.

And then, if that wasn't enough self-induced trauma, I took a microphone tried to not stammer, presented a bunch of flowers to the conference chair, focusing on nothing other than presenting Nik with a thank you bouquet for being our dogged leader, only to hear my name being called out as I swiftly got to the back of the room because the beast flipped the tables on me and had a bunch of flowers for ME.

I was MORTIFIED, desperately embarrassed and fearful.

So, as I went to walk down the aisle, I choked back the panic attack and remembered my love for theatre, then choose to dance my way there. Yeah, that’s right, I shimmied and shook my way to the front, collected my flowers to laughs and smiles.

I then kept my head low, moved swiftly back to the back and cried a few tears under the pretence of sniffing my bouquet.

And of course, having learned NOTHING from that personal ordeal, I then accepted a role as an Ambassador for FM Connect where I subsequently found out that part of my involvement is leading a group of people that I've never met, who are mostly, more experienced in the FM and Property industry than I am and pretend that I know what the fuck I am doing.

I always knew I was a masochist but damn.

FM CONNECT & ME

So, we relaunched, Nicola Lathbury 's FM Connect online, I did social media, I provided support, engaged with known entities that I trusted and then it was event time.

Here we go(!)

I kid you not, I brought my partner with me because other than Nik, Louisa Clarke FCMI MIWFM , and my internet pen pal, whom I met 2 years before at that first hurdle, Rebecca Scahill 🌸 , I had no idea how this would go and knew no-one else there.

I met my fellow ambassadors in the flesh, some I'd never met or was only aware of, sneakily managed to make my introductions to them by grabbing them to get a headshot of them, (phew second hurdle over), found the correct mask for the event and got to it.

I hated almost every minute of it but also loved it in equal measure.

I welcomed in as many people as I could, I connected with two very lovely gentlemen over the story of the BSL course I was on, and the rest is history.

Bearing in mind that I hadn't immersed myself fully into networking until 2022, I must say that despite my unmovable discomfort with the whole networking gig, I've also made my peace and will continue regardless.

I will also give myself kudos that in the 2 years that I've been doing this more regularly, I've only had one significant slip of the mask where I had to leave halfway through an event and the FM Connect team were nothing but understanding.

That's why I keep doing it because when you're with the right people and you need an exit, they will crowd surf you through the noise, no questions asked, making putting yourself out there more palatable.

Before moving on, I'd be remiss to not give a particular shout-out to Lucy Lloyd , the ultimate CEO, who despite being in the middle of massive presentations before her holiday, pinned me down to a meeting which I just thought was a catch-up and natter, but which turned out to be her putting a loving arm around me (figuratively speaking of course, because, you know I hate physical contact) and forcing me to have a space to talk about it.

FROM THERE TO HERE

Don't get me wrong, I still hate, have anxiety and panic attacks prior to any situation where I'm supposed to be in a networking environment.

My friends at FM Connect surely notice that prior to and post me having to host my structured networking group, that I will busy myself doing tasks that require as little networking flare as possible, setting up the event, manning the bar, working on the slideshow, welcoming people in, grabbing people for one on one testimonials and at may's workplace event, my overwhelm and fear was so intense that I literally walked up to the live band and sang Stand by Me alongside them to level myself back out.

So why do I do this?

Because before becoming a facilitator of networking events, I was the person subjecting myself and feeling all of the same thing’s others do for the sake of; wanting to understand the industry I love, or was new to.

My journey now, is to be there for people that feel the exact same hatred or fear of networking that I still do and need to have the support, of being represented.

Representation is not just, seeing the individuals with respect to disabilities, gender, age, belief system or race, that you can identify with.

I truly believe that representation is every possible iteration, including that that is internalised.

TIPS TO MAKE NETWORKING EVENTS LESS SCARY – WHAT I’VE DONE

·       I have reached out to another person attending the event solo to break the ice beforehand.

·        I have posted my discomfort of touching due to my Neurodiverse, which allows tactile greeters to respect my boundaries and know that I'm not being obnoxious.

·       Arranged smaller pre-event meet ups with people so we can go in together, as this makes me feel protected.

·       I break the ice with something random that gets a conversation going.

·       My first Tomorrow Meets Today 's event, I had formed a group where we were discussing card games and why you should always have a deck on hand to prevent awkward conversation or silences. Don't knock it.

·       State up front, whether I prefer being a passive attendee, listening and absorbing instead of partying on in.

·       Understand the purpose of event or panel prior to attending, so I have predetermined some talking points that make me more comfortable with the conversations.

NOT ALL DOOM & GLOOM

In the past two years I have gained;

·       Friends

·       Confidence to be super authentically me.

·       Added understanding of myself.

·       Better understanding of the industry.

·       Mentors.

·       People asking me for support or feedback.

·       Safe spaces.

·       People understanding me better. Acceptance.

·       Meaningful authentic connections.

·       More genuine love for the industry and what we do.

·       Been interviewed from various organisations to give my thoughts, support students at university or to join panels to discuss my opinions.