Neurodiversity 101: Tolerance and uncertainty

November 16th is the International Day for Tolerance.The day's message is that tolerance is more than just accepting others, but also requires education, investment in people, inclusion, opportunities, dialogue, social cohesion, and mutual understanding.

I felt this was an important day to focus on and in the context of neurodiversity.

The word Tolerance comes from :early 15c., toleraunce, "endurance, fortitude, power or capacity to bear up" (in the face of pain, hardship, etc.). It made me think not only about our tolerance to others but what makes us feel intolerant. The need to create certainty makes us sometimes feel intolerant to people and situations we are in.

Across our lifetimes there are always periods of time which are more uncertain for each of us. The world seems uncertain.I have been reading ' The Art of Uncertainty' by David Spiegelhalter.

He dives deeply into the different ways we deal with uncertainty and certainty reconfirms what Heraclitus, a Greek philosopher, was quoted as saying:

"change is the only constant in life."

We have to live with the uncertainty of outcomes that are beyond our control. For example, waiting for exam results can be a tense time and at that point when the exams are done there is nothing you can do to change the outcome. Ill health can be a time when we don't know what lies in front of us. We have also seen job instability and closure of companies and the results for each of us can be entirely beyond our control.

Health uncertainties can provoke fear, worry and anxiety,and can lead to avoidance of decision-making.

• Fear is a protective response to a current, identifiable threat and often leads to flight or avoidance.
• Anxiety is a response to a potential threat that may or may not occur at some point in the future and can create physiological symptoms.
• Worrying can be ruminating about the possibility of a negative occurrence which can further raise anxiety levels.

How tolerant a person is of uncertainty can impact on how often they worry and their level of anxiety. It is personal and our responses and tolerance will vary hugely. There are circumstances when we prefer to remain ignorant. Our fear of the potential threats and what may happen is often worse than whether something will actually happen. We don't always take the time to look at the statistics rather than catastrophise which can drive and increase feelings of intolerance.

Anticipation

The human brain has been described as an “anticipation machine". Anticipation is the process of imaginative speculation about the future that is based on information arising in your field of attention. It can be very pleasureable.

“Well," said Pooh, "what I like best," and then he had to stop and think. Because although Eating Honey was a very good thing to do, there was a moment just before you began to eat it which was better than when you were, but he didn't know what it was called.”

― A. A. Milne in Winnie-the-Pooh

Grupe and Nitschke discuss the relationship with anxiety, anticipation and uncertainty:

"The ability to remain in control of our feelings is directly related to our level of certainty regarding future events – how likely they are, when they will occur, and what they will be like. Uncertainty diminishes how efficiently and effectively we can prepare for the future, and thus contributes to anxiety."

We use past experiences, information about our current state, and environment to predict the future. We also try to protect ourselves as much as we can where we can against future pain.We may avoid facing up to challenges that we know are going to happen, or be indecisive and become stuck as we try to pretend it may not happen.

The balance between being prepared and over-prepared

Planning ahead and accounting for all possible outcomes enables you to choose the best options (explicit anticipation) but there is a balance in terms of time and effort too. We must strike a balance between preparatory actions that are more efficient (but potentially inadequate) and those that are more effective (but potentially unnecessary and using up your time ineffectively).

I am a planner. It makes me feel in more control of my world. I operate on a 'what if' and try to mitigate for disaster as much as I can. The question I ask sometimes is am I too focused on preparing for the next something.I know also I cannot control everything! Perfectionism can be associated with over-planning, trying to always get it 100% right rather than accepting ambiguity ( see my newsletter on perfectionism).

How do we deal with uncertainty?

Uncertainty makes it difficult to prepare properly for future events. We can each tolerate and respond to uncertainty and unpredictability in different ways.

A high tolerance for unpredictability and uncertainty may show as :

• being willing to take calculated risks
• adapting to new environments and processes
• making decisions with confidence
• being OK with spontaneous activities and plans
• feeling secure in your close relationships

Intolerance to Uncertainty(IU) has been associated with a number of conditions including anxiety, depression and also in children and adults with both ADHD and ASD. There are scales to measure this.

Uncertainty about possible future events or threats can disrupts our ability to avoid it or to mitigate its negative impact, and can result in anxiety. It can lead to indecisiveness.

“More is lost by indecision than wrong decision. Indecision is the thief of opportunity. It will steal you blind.” said Cicero.

Tolerance to uncertainty

When we are very anxious we can be more intolerant to uncertainty. At the same time high levels of uncertainty(out of your direct control) can drive up levels of anxiety. Poor past experiences may drive up intolerance as well. It can also heighten our feelings of disaster prevailing and catastrophising over-thinking.This can lead us to avoiding situations completely just in case something may happen.. our threat detection levels can be impaired.Predictability in contrast has been shown to ameliorate the negative effects of stress.

5 ways to be more tolerant and inclusive?

1. Embrace uncertainty As David Spiegelhalter highlights, uncertainty is part of life. Accepting that we can't always predict outcomes allows us to be more open-minded and understanding when things don't go as expected, especially with diverse ways of thinking.
2. Challenge your assumptions Our brains often default to assumptions that may be biased. Regularly question your own thoughts and challenge stereotypes, particularly about neurodivergent individuals, who may process, and communicate information differently but bring valuable perspectives.
3. Be patient in communication Tolerance involves giving people time to express themselves, especially those who may communicate differently. By being patient and avoiding rushing to conclusions, and checking for understanding helps to promote a more inclusive environment for all.
4. Focus on strengths Neuroinclusion is about recognising and valuing the unique strengths that individuals bring. Shifting your focus to what others can do well, rather than where they differ, fosters greater appreciation and tolerance.
5. Stay curious and open to learning Approach differences with curiosity, not judgement. Engaging with others' experiences, particularly in areas of neurodiversity, can expand your understanding and enhance your ability to be inclusive and tolerant of diverse ways of thinking.

What can you do to help yourself?

Structured planning:Create routines and schedules that provide a sense of predictability and control. Breaking down tasks into smaller, manageable steps can make them feel less overwhelming. Focus on one task at a time.When you are anxious you can end up not achieving anything which can drive up anxiety even further.(I am a list maker. I think many people with ADHD traits make lists of lists of lists... some of this is not very time effective but I think reduces anxiety in doing so.)

Information management:Limit exposure to excessive information or news that can trigger anxiety. Set specific times to check updates and avoid constant notifications. (I have stopped endlessly reading bad news on my phone before going to sleep!)

Seek support:Reach out to friends, family, or support groups for emotional assistance. Talking about your concerns can help alleviate anxiety. (I am a great believer in this. Your friends and family want to support you, so let them do so.)

Seek professional support:Some people find medication can help manage some of the symptoms of ADHD. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) techniques can help some people identify and challenge negative thought patterns associated with uncertainty. Complete absorption in the present moment obviates anxiety about the future.

Set realistic goals:Break down your larger goals into some smaller, achievable steps. This can give you a sense of accomplishment and direction even in uncertain times.

Practice self-compassion:Treat yourself with kindness and understanding. Remember that it's okay to feel uncertain and that you're doing your best. It is a mantra to repeat! We can come to realise we cannot control what is not in our control!

Look after your physical well-being:Try to take regular exercise, maintain a balanced diet, and get enough sleep can all help coping and impact positively on your mental state.Also try Yoga, meditation, progressive muscle relaxation, or deep breathing exercises to help reduce anxiety and promote relaxation.

Creative outlets:Engage in activities that you enjoy and that allow you to express yourself. Creative outlets can provide a sense of accomplishment and relaxation. Dance to Abba, paint, laugh.... what's your outlet?

Time management techniques:Use techniques like the Pomodoro Technique (work for a set time, then take a short break) to maintain focus and productivity. Anything you try may need time to be embedded.

Educate yourself about you:Learning about your own neurodivergent traits and what works to empower you to better understand and manage them.

Gain knowledge: Facts have power. Putting uncertainty into numbers helps us to quantify how we can deal with it practically too.

“Toleration is the prerogative of humanity; we are all full of weaknesses and mistakes; let us reciprocally forgive ourselves. It is the first law of nature.

La tolérance, c'est l'apanage de l'humanité; nous sommes tous pétris de faiblesse et d'erreurs; pardonnons-nous réciproquement nos sottises. C'est la première loi de la nature.”― Voltaire, A Treatise on Toleration and Other Essays

Blog Author

I am Amanda Kirby, CEO of Do-IT Solutions a tech-for-good company that delivers consultancy and guidance, training and web-based screening tools that have helped 10s of 1000s of people. We strive to deliver person-centered solutions relating to neurodiversity and wellbeing.

I am a mixed bag of experiences and skills and have 25+ years of working in the field of neurodiversity. I am a medical doctor, Professor, and have a Ph.D. in the field of neurodiversity; parent and grandparent to neurodivergent wonderful kids and am neurodivergent myself (bits of me I share!).

• Views are my own.