A New Lens

Don’t worry, I’m not looking to become a parenting influencer, but there’s only one theme I can think about right now: my new child, family, and fatherhood. Slightly emotional post following? Probably.

This new life experience represents a tectonic shift in perspective. Existing parents will get this I’m sure. I thought it could be interesting to share my thoughts in this time while they are fresh and raw. My data point on how such a change alters the view.

First, I’m exploding with new love. My heart is open and the energy is flowing and having a positive impact on everything I do and every interaction I have.

Yes, the obsession with a child is real. I’m not trying to tell everyone how amazing my newborn is in comparison to others. However, I could easily just observe his cycling facial expressions, cute coos, whimpers, lip smacks, deep breaths, awkward limb movements, attempts to eat his hands or grab his face, and be fascinated by his tiny features like fingers, nails, ears, and lips. All with the strongest and most present attention. Netflix algorithms have nothing on getting my attention like this.

Even the most shrill and forceful cry, sometimes getting to an exasperated chittering of breath, that would be unsettling to anyone else makes me feel the strongest sense of empathy and compassion. It even sounds cute to me.

The thoughts about his future can be a bittersweet mix. There’s excitement for the novelty. Literally everything is new and endless exploration awaits him. Yet, there’s some trepidation about the hard parts of life that he’ll have to experience at some point and the painful empathy taxes I know will come due at those times. There’s hope for the blank canvas he has to do things right and become a kind person, but also concern about the pulls of stress and frustration he’ll encounter. Some of that stress relating to the state of the world that he was brought into that will likely cause a lot of hardship in his time.

I feel a desire to have started this sooner, yet reconcile that the specific course of events led to everything that brought me him. Perfect to me. Just thankful I could and would find my way to this dimension of life. There’s so much new here for me too. Pure awe and wonder. Worries about the sleepless nights this will bring, the spit-up stains that will be on my clothes, and the thousands of diapers that will need changing were instantly evaporated. Everything can be figured out.

From this new angle, there is plentiful purpose. The opportunity for me to be there for him and help him become something. Whatever he wants. Hoping that includes being good to others and a life full of meaning for him. I considered, could this purpose enough on its own for me, career included? Looking at both sides of that coin, no. It only strengthens my resolve to pursue purposeful impact, for him, and for all the other humans out there that someone feels this way for. Because as a father I am more driven to do what is role model-worthy and what helps his existence. It also fills me with fresh fuel and inspiration for the mountain of challenges ahead.

I write this all with a smile that can’t be touched right now because of what being overjoyed does. I wrote last week that love would be priority one, but had no clue how real that would become. It won’t just be for him (though that’s a given), but a chance to harness these feelings to make even the smallest interactions better. A chance to bring more compassion to a small and large scale. Thank you my boy ♥️. I am so revived!