Notes to Self - Understanding and Overcoming the Fear of "The Other"
The path on the Spine Race

Notes to Self - Understanding and Overcoming the Fear of "The Other"

It seems like a default narrative these days is we have never been this divided before.  Being a person who loves history, I find that statement hard to get behind.  We only must go back to the 1960s to see a world divided between generations.  Never trust anyone over 30 was one of the common refrains, there was a domestic terrorist attack every week in the US as the US was tearing itself apart over the Vietnam war.  In today’s world where there appears to be increasingly polarized by differences—be it political affiliations, religious beliefs, or cultural practices—the concept of "us versus them" seems to be front and center again. This type of thinkings seems to come from a deeply ingrained human tendency: our natural inclination to form tribes. This tribalism, while beneficial for fostering community and belonging, also sows the seeds of fear and mistrust towards "the Other," those outside our immediate group. The root of our problems seems to somehow always creating an other, either based on politics, religion, geography, language etc. 

The Roots of Tribalism

The tendency to form tribes is as old as humanity itself. It originates from our ancestors who relied on tight-knit communities for survival. These groups provided safety, resources, and social bonds—essential elements for thriving in a challenging world. However, this also led to an inherent distrust of those outside the tribe, often viewed as potential threats to the group's survival.

Fast forward to the present day, and while our circumstances have dramatically changed, our tribal instincts persist. They manifest in modern guises such as political parties, sports teams, and social media echo chambers. These contemporary tribes provide a sense of identity and belonging, but they also reinforce divisions, making it easier to dehumanize and fear "the Other."

The Consequences of Fear

The fear of "the Other" can have profound implications on society. It fuels conflicts, hinders cooperation, and exacerbates social inequalities. My experience is when you get to know people, sit with them, understand them then this fear and distrust goes away, we start to humanize each other and understand the concept of “sonder”.  Sonder is the concept that everyone is living a complex life just like myself with its heart break and victories, and if we see each for the full humans that we are we will find community with each other. 

Understanding the psychological underpinnings of this fear is crucial. It often stems from the unknown—a lack of familiarity with those outside our tribe. This fear is amplified by stereotypes and misinformation, leading to a cycle of mistrust and animosity.

Bridging the Divide

Overcoming the fear of "the Other" requires deliberate effort and intention. Here are some steps to take to bridge these divides:

  1. Seek Understanding: Make a conscious effort to learn about those who are different from you. This could be as simple as reading books, attending cultural events, or having conversations with individuals from diverse backgrounds. Listening to something you totally disagree with, not arguing with it but actually listening to it.  Enter with curiosity and with a growth mindset.
  2. Promote Dialogue: Encourage open and respectful conversations within and across tribal lines. Dialogue helps dispel myths and build empathy, making it harder to fear "the Other”. Try to form a steel man from their perspective, what are their best arguments for that, why would that be so meaningful from their lived experience.
  3. Embrace Common Humanity: Focus on what unites us rather than what divides us. Despite our differences, we share common goals, fears, and aspirations. Recognizing our shared humanity is a powerful antidote to tribalism. “Sonder”
  4. Create Spaces that have inclusion and diversity: Support and engage in initiatives that foster inclusivity. This can range from community events to workplace diversity and inclusion programs. Inclusive spaces allow for the exchange of ideas and build bridges between disparate groups.

The fear of "the Other" is at the root of a lot of our issues right now. By taking intentional steps to understand, communicate, and connect with those different from us, we can begin to dismantle the walls that divide us. In doing so, we not only enrich our own lives but also contribute to a more cohesive and compassionate world. In our shared humanity, we find our greatest moments.

Tanya Sharma-Moore

Accenture Managing Director (Partner) | Board Director- Making Changes | Women in Technology Co - Chair | Inspires & builds high performance teams | Strong execution with profitable growth | Change agent |

10mo

This is a very thoughtful article! Right on point Kevin Crowe

Joanne Major-Greenhorn

"Transform messy, multi-source data into actionable insights - seamless and without code!"

10mo

I loved this Kevin. Thank you 💕

Tim Lipp

What's the complete picture?

10mo

I was confessing to someone the other day that once you learn how to overcome the fear of "the other," it can actually become a thrill to meet people that think differently from you. It definitely keeps life interesting!

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