Once Upon a Time
Monday 25th November 8.05am
One of my earliest memories is when I was in the second year of primary school, I was maybe six or seven. We were tasked with writing a story, and I was straight in with once upon a time.
Miss, or it might have been Mrs, Hunter walked around the classroom and said to me over my shoulder, don’t start with once upon a time, start another way. I would not say it was a traumatic memory and it was a little early to claim writers block but that indeed may have been what it was.
In my defence pretty much every story I had heard at that tender age started that way, that was the way they always started, I had never heard one start any other way. I have long since forgotten the subject of the tale, however, decades later it comes to mind as I try to work out how else to express my thoughts.
There is no Ms Hunter in my life at the moment so the first question might reasonably be why I feel the need to write anything? The best answer I have to date is that it is a way of orienting my thoughts. Further, if I do want to write something why do I want to publish it, do I still want to have someone pin it to a fridge?
This is where I start the week, somewhat of a recurring theme. I have been writing regularly for the last six months. Confident, not so much that I have a story to tell but that the act of trying is of value to me. I am trying but I do not feel I have worked out what exactly I am trying to do. If I could go back to that classroom now, I would blow her mind, challenge her criticism and give her something to remember, Ms Hunter was a bitter and frustrated woman, once upon a time.
There are some things that I am striving for and as I look once again for the correct format, or theme, it seems that the best way to start is to remind myself of what these are. The questions, what I want to do and why, are as pressing as always.
I might want to write a diary but in real time. There are all kinds of challenges with this, the conflict between wanting to write the unvarnished truth and there will obviously be certain things that I would want to redact given current operations. This is to say nothing of my attempt to be brave when it comes to my own vulnerability.
I feel there is something missing if I write without publishing, but this does not feel like a safe assumption. Is ego involved? Almost certainly and if it is perhaps, I need to find a different and better vehicle for it.
I am pretty close to deciding that I will only publish this longer article this week. Instead of the shorter version I intend to work on a proposal, not necessarily the same number of words but almost certainly a similar amount of effort.
In the interest of full disclosure, I feel I must justify last week when I broke the rules. I have written more in the last six months or so than ever before and a big part of this was a small number of self-imposed rules. I fully accept that if I had not imposed my publication rule, I would not have written as much, or even continued to write al all.
As luck would have it, we are in the last week of the month which is when I allowed myself the option to change the rules, up to and including, stopping publication all together. There have been various iterations, but last week was the first time I did not publish anything and hence broke the rule. I did write, pretty much, what I had the previous week but decided that I would not publish.
The reasons for not publishing last week lies somewhere on the spectrum between valid and lazy. The unfortunate truth is that even though I am pleased with the effort I made, the quality of the output was lower. Giving myself the benefit of the doubt, as I am inclined to do, I decide that I needed to break the rules to understand and appreciate this.
This week I intend to half break, what I would like to remind everyone was and is a self-imposed, rule. I will publish what you may well be reading now but not the shorter version. I am writing a proposal that, as they say in the military, may impact current operations and given there is not enough time to do both this compromise has been made.
Going forward, armed with my latest variation on the rules, I will publish either the long and the short or just one of them on a weekly basis. I still think I need the structure of a word count and for the time being I am going for 3,500 and 1,000 respectively.
Whilst I like the clarity and the development of my strategy when it comes to writing there is still a key problem, what I am starting to think of as, the once upon a time problem. Why am I doing it? I know I want to do it, and, that even if I am not able to quantify it, that there is a value to it, but what is it?
Tuesday 26th November 3.32pm
A genuine attempt to engage on a range of issues from society to business. Sounds both arrogant and far too grand. This is to say nothing about the rather obvious issue of one person writing and another reading, if I truly wish to engage, I need to think about and solve the problem of one-way communication.
If I harbour any desire to become a better writer, and I feel I should, I fear I must embrace the necessary structure that I normally try to avoid. The argument could be made that practice is the most important thing, incremental improvement based on activity. This I might further argue is what I am doing. Again, unfortunately, practice and structure are not mutually exclusive.
Direction, clarity of objective, is the other thing in addition to practice and structure that I really need to pin down. Why am I doing it, I accept that there is a value in writing and the discipline of publishing makes it a lot more likely that I will actually do it. That might be enough, but I am holding out for another benefit that I am not able to quite put my finger on.
The contradiction I fear in this area is that if I am too focused on a specific objective it will significantly alter the nature of what I write, I almost want the freedom to not have an objective. This is massively contrary to both my nature and nurture, I like logical, everything is for a reason, cause and effect. Maybe I need to get over this to find the answer?
It will not come as much of a surprise to those who know me, or, those who have read something of what I have written, to hear that I intend to vote Labour at the forthcoming election. I am fascinated and appalled in equal measure by the current campaign and more particularly by how it is covered in the media.
Wednesday 27th November 8.12am
Andrew Neil seems to be a distasteful man, there is a big difference between a genuine pursuit of the truth and a stage-managed attempt to elicit a quotation for the political party you favour.
There is a growing feeling that the BBC is not as neutral as it should be, again I must admit that I include myself amongst that number. The interview between Mr Neil and Jeremy Corbyn on TV last night was uncomfortable viewing, aggressive, belligerent generally ill mannered. My criticism of Mr Corbyn would be that he didn’t go on the attack. I fully accept that while I found it frustrating, he was right, and I am wrong. He is a lot more patient with a privileged bully than I.
Take the contribution by the Chief Rabbi and the continued request made to apologise, repeated on BBC radio this morning. He was asked repeatedly to apologise and declined to do so. Most people, including me, think that a simple sorry is easy to do, however, if the malign objective is to get a quote, it is not as easy as it sounds.
A man says he is, and has always been, a committed anti-racist, refusing to get tricked into saying the party he leads is racist, was not the quote they were looking for. Is there really anyone left who does not understand that this is a strategy of distraction? On one side you have an ally of Johnson and Netanyahu on the other a supporter of a Palestinian State, a moral leader and the Chief Rabbi.
Thursday 28th November 10.13am
I am not sure I am getting the clarity I seek. What I think is a safe assumption is that writing is good for me and that publishing is necessary to do it in the first place. To do it to a reasonable standard requires effort. Effort I believe is not that natural especially when the payback is not clear.
As a lifelong atheist, so far, it occurs to me that the answer might have something to do with faith. Faith is a subject that I have always struggled with, probably starting at an early age when I discovered the concept of truth and the fact that not everything, I heard was true. I still carry some anger that what I was taught was not factual.
When people talk about faith they are generally talking about religion of some kind and I must admit this is pretty much of a non-starter for me. The Archbishop of Canterbury was on the radio saying that he didn’t want to say too much during the election campaign. If the man claims to be a moral leader, what time does he think is the best time to point out inequality and stand up for those that need support.
I accept anyone has the right to believe what they like with one strict caveat, as long as it does not try to impose that belief system on others. I have heard it said by many that most wars start on the basis of religion, I do not agree. All wars start on the basis of poverty and religion is often the way that those warmongers justify it.
Where I do have faith is a little more complicated. Given what I have said about the warmongers, so called moral leaders and frankly a very long list of arseholes I must admit that it is from this same gene pool that I find my hero’s. On one team there is Hitler on the other there is Jesus, Boris and Jeremy, the moral and the immoral. It is much easier to think of the bad than the good, depressingly.
Paradoxically I do believe in the average person, most people are nice enough and that is enough to give me hope. Most are not inclined to racism, cruelty and subjugation, obviously some are, but, they are the few and can eventually be identified and marginalised by the many. I see no nirvana in my lifetime, but I have faith in progress. There is no alternative as I see it.
I do hope that other intelligent life exists in the Universe, I would also like to think that is more intelligent than us. One day they will turn up like superhero’s and take control of the petulant and unruly children that we are. Until then we must work on the basis that they will not and just do the best we can. When people don’t have a place to live, food to eat and have a curable illness that is not cured, this can hardly be described as a civilised society.
I have just had a thought; I like the idea of writing a speech for someone else. I do kind of like the idea of it, I like language and the drama of it. The power of words to move people is something that interests me. I must also admit that writing a stand-up comedy routine is something that also appeals, and, may be more where any small talent I have may lie.
The answer of course is to try and see what happens. I will start with Jeremy Corbyn, a speech he might give to a television audience that tries to gain support for Labour Party at the forthcoming election. I will also imagine the brief is for him to come across as a strong leader.
Good evening, I would like to talk to you tonight about society. As Elie Wiesel, a survivor of the holocaust and a winner of the 1986 Nobel Peace Prize said in 1999 in a speech called the Perils of Indifference, in the simplest of societies there are only three groups, the perpetrators, the victims and the bystanders. There are more victims than perpetrators but there are more bystanders, by far, than both.
Those who would take advantage of the poor, sick, homeless and hungry are morally corrupt, the victims need our love and support it is the vast majority, the bystanders who must rage against their own indifference. The perpetrators rely on the indifference and by marginalising groups and issues, by creating a huge wave of complexity so that the easiest thing to do is think about something else.
This is an election that asks you the majority to answer a simple question, do you see yourself as one of the many or the few? A fairer society is I like to think something that we can all get behind. It is not a complex question, take more from the rich to support the poor or believe that those elected on the back of corporate funding will decide to bestow charity instead of wage war.
I have been asked to say something about leadership, what it takes to be a strong leader. I would not describe myself as a strong leader or even a good one, I may not be your idea of what that is, and I am not sure that it is time well spent by any of us to debate the point. What I would say, and I would like you to consider is that I am trying to be a fair leader.
There are some things that I feel passionately about, sometimes I am inclined to anger but these are not traits I admire in myself. I am interested in consensus, I am interested in those that suffer at the hands of others, I am a conviction politician.
I do understand that some see this as a weakness, perhaps a small number as a strength, but what I hope all will see it as is a situation where the ego of the individual is not allowed to mask the real question and issue.
If it is all too complicated, if us politicians are all the same, pick an issue, any one you like. It can be Brexit, the NHS, the Climate change the WASPI women, or anything else you feel strongly about. I believe the first question is not how do we pay for them, the first question is, is it right is it fair?
The Labour Party stands for fairness, talk to your friends and family decide for yourself what you believe to be fair and vote for that. If elected I promise to do my best for the many.
Friday 29th November 10.10am
I think that as I search for an answer with regard to what I write about there may be a diary element to it. The first thing to note is that I have never kept a diary, I don’t know but assume I am in the majority. I have from time to time written down my thoughts perhaps best described as journaling.
I am inclined to think this possible answer is worth pursuit. What this means in my case is do something tangible, this will be the theme for next week. In some ways I may have been doing this without being aware of it all along. When I start to write and often when thinking about what subject can I write about, I might be forcing it instead of just write about the first thing that comes to mind.
As I write the good ladies of Woman’s Hour are discussing sex in your 40’s. Two things strike me, first sex itself is an interesting subject that I might have an opinion worth sharing and that if I do try to write a stand up comedy script that again might be a good subject. A good candidate for the short article next week.
In my defence, I seem to be saying that more often, I can’t just claim that I have a valid opinion about sex without clarifying that it is in no way a claim on my part for any skill in the activity. I am arrogant enough to say that I think I am secure enough to not fear my vulnerability, this is why I think I might be unusual with regard to the subject. We will see.
How can one write about a subject when the aim is to shed light both on any question of the moment, but also oneself? The mind will go where the mind will go, and the writer should follow it.
I just heard Jane Garvey interview Nicola Sturgeon on the radio, I am struck by the difference with Andrew Neil. I shouldn’t be surprised; I don’t know either of them but would suggest that only one of them is civilised.
I must admit that I started the day in a slightly dark place, there are those who have suggested that being melancholic might be a trait of the Welsh. Not due to its accuracy but because of its romanticism I think there is a part of me that is occasionally prone to revel in it.
Life is hard enough without twenty-twenty vision. I would describe myself as a natural optimist, it is not as I mention above that I don’t have my dark moments, it just strikes me as illogical to be a pessimist. There is an old sporting mantra that says visualise success, something to do with setting the expectation as positive has an effect on the actual outcome.
This may or may not be true, but my reason is a lot more fundamental. Three people walk into a bar, optimism, pessimism and realism, they all want the same binary thing to happen in 5 days’ time and the possibility is 50%. For the sake of argument let’s say they did not get what they wanted. They all feel bad in 5 days’ time, pessimism felt bad before they knew, realism about half the time and optimism felt good all the time. They all feel bad at the point of disappointment, but optimism is the first to get over it. A simple objective in life is to feel as good as you can as often as you can, optimism is the best ticket.
As I approach the end of this week’s article I am feeling in a positive place with regards to my writing, far from all the answers but a little insight and therefore progress. If I am doing anything as grand as finding my voice, I am happy in the knowledge that I may not have one, even those that do have to find it, and, I am content that the search is the important thing.
As I finish this week and month it seems like a good idea to summarise the new rules going into December. I will publish something every week and possibly two articles. The longer of the two next week will take the form of a diary and the shorter will be an attempt to write some comedy about sex.
I have some other things to do today and they are the only things between me and the weekend. When I need to get back in the game the first thing, I do is write something, this is closely followed by a schedule of things to do. One has been done and the other is in place.
In pursuit of truth, looking to be as honest as I can with myself, seeking what I know to be unachievable but satisfied that the effort is enough. I have often accused people of lacking imagination when it comes to their personal ambition, it occurs to me that I need to consider this myself.
Martyn Richards
Wishful Thinking Fundamentals Ltd