The One Mistake Everyone Makes

Last week we began to explore resistance. Resistance - why it happens, who’s behind it, how to overcome it - is the most often discussed topic during every Leadership Lab and live coaching session. Much of what we explore revolves around how to discern the difference between true resistance and jaundiced skepticism. And a lot of these conversations conclude with Leadership Lab participants re-invigorated to work with those who may be skeptical but who can be enlisted to help drive change forward.

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What I have seen over and over in these Leadership Labs and coaching sessions is people always want to work against resistors, rather than work with skeptics. And this is the single biggest mistake leaders make. Trying to change a truly committed resistor is a waste of time and energy. It saps a leader of the bandwidth to communicate with and convince the skeptical to join the side of change. A tug-of-war, with change warriors on one side and resistors on the other, doesn’t go anywhere other than back and forth. When a leader can convince the change warriors and the skeptics to get on the same side and pull on the rope together, resistors are overwhelmed, and progress begins to occur.

As we discuss in our live coaching sessions, where participants bring the real challenges they face to the table, resistors are sometimes hard to identify. They are often people who have been very successful in the system and therefore are invested in the status quo and keeping things the way, they are. They have been successful in large part because they know how to work the system. They know how to please the boss and influence an outcome. They know never to rock the boat too hard. They tend to “stay in their lane.” They can be charming, flattering, seemingly cooperative and even supportive and encouraging. Because they have been successful, they understand the organization well, they know where the bodies are buried, and they know how to make a persuasive argument. In other words, they can be very tempting allies. It is understandable why leaders and change warriors decide they need to convert the resistors in order to succeed.

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A true resistor is truly committed to maintaining the status quo. They cannot be converted. A skeptic on the other hand, may look and sound and act a lot like a resistor, but is in fact willing to be convinced - perhaps even hopeful of being convinced.

So often during a live coaching session we are working to determine if someone is a resistor or a skeptic. Frequently a participant will bring forward the example of someone who is always asking challenging questions of the leader about their proposed programs and direction. “How do you know this will work?” “What about the time we tried this and we failed?” “Why aren’t you considering Option A instead of Option B?” “What are the consequences if this doesn’t work?”

These are not the typical questions of a resistor. Resistors are in fact more likely to say to the leader: “That’s a fantastic idea How can I help?” Or: “I’m right behind you. Call on me for anything you need.” Despite this outwardly positive response, a resistor is actually actively working behind the scenes to discourage others from getting on board.

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A resistor might also be seemingly cooperative and enthusiastic about a new direction but somehow never makes any of the required changes within their own area of responsibility. For example, a resistor might say something like: “I really think this is important for us to accomplish but . . . “ There is always a “but” and despite seeming cooperative, there is an endless reservoir of reasons why despite their absolute best efforts, nothing actually ever changes.

Standing on the sidelines, a skeptic is wrestling with which direction to go. This is why they ask tough questions. Realistically, while change may be obviously necessary it is also always risky. Things can and will go wrong. Change always involves some degree of institutional risk as well as personal career risk. And so, skeptics are not irrational to want some proof points and reassurance that backing change is the smart, right move.

Resistance will always exist, but resistance alone will not doom change. Change requires sufficient momentum to succeed and without critical mass there is no momentum. Skeptics must be enlisted, or change will fail. Rather than resenting a skeptic’s tough questions, a leader understands these questions need to be answered - more than once and as broadly as possible. So, leaders equip their change warriors to answer them as well. A leader should not spend valuable time on resistors. Instead, a leader consistently communicates proof points of progress to the skeptical - to reassure them that change is possible. Leaders also candidly acknowledge difficulties and setbacks - to reassure skeptics that the plan is realistic and achievable.

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A leader should not spend valuable time on resistors. A leader distinguishes between the resistors and the skeptics, finds, and deploys their change warriors to help drive change, and focuses energy on converting the skeptical, achieving critical mass and necessary forward momentum.