The one skill to rule them all

Ever have one of these nights?

It's 2:00 am. I'm lying in bed wide awake freaking out about this upcoming presentation I had in one week. I am totally spun up. Attached to thoughts of fear and doom and gloom that I would screw it up. Maybe I didn't know what I was talking about. What if this was a total failure? What if my Internet failed? What if, what if, what if. What if I end up living in a van down by the river? Hmmm..#vanlife, on the road, total freedom, a nomad…romantic but not what I really want!...Aargh!...and around and around my mind goes…

I had totally lost control of my thoughts and was having an awful experience. I mean, come on, it's 2 am. I'm lying in my safe, comfy bed, with a roof over my head, freaking out about something that hasn't even happened. 

By practicing and developing my skill of awareness through a daily meditation practice and mindfulness practice, I was able to step back and observe what was going on. 

I became aware that I had two choices. One, stay attached to these thoughts of doom, gloom, and failure. Stay on what I like to call "The Train To Shitzville" or two, begin to let go of my white knuckle grip on this speeding train by changing my focus. 

As in my case, we tend to get attached to these ruminating thoughts. We get caught in the movie, the fake newsreels, the impending train wreck. 

Yes, I was able to fall back to sleep eventually. And you're probably wondering what I did to accomplish that. 

In this case, I did four things. 

One, step back, observe, become present to what is really going on. The stronger your skill of awareness is, the easier step one is. 

Two, accept and allow this experience to be here with self-love and empathy. The key here is acceptance. What you resist persists. Trying to make an experience or thoughts like the ones I was having go away makes them worse. More fuel on the fire, so to speak. 

Three, change the focus. I focus on breathing into my belly. Four seconds in and six seconds out. In through the nose and out through the mouth. 

Four, rinse and repeat as many times as necessary. Inevitably I'll get sucked back into the ruminating thoughts, back on "The Train To Shitzville", and have to repeat the process. Step back, become aware. Accept and allow, then choose a new focus through calming breaths.  

I've learned that I can rarely think my way out of the 2 am monkey mind. I've also learned that purposefully calming the body down, going from a sympathetic to parasympathetic nervous system response, calms the mind down. And usually, I'm able to drift off back to sleep. 

While there are many different techniques for the 2 am monkey mind, what I'm trying to get across here is the value of practicing the skill of awareness. Without awareness, you're at the mercy of experiences. You have no control. Your thoughts your emotions control you and determine how you experience your world. Without being aware that I was white-knuckling "The Train To Shitzville," I had no control. No ability to choose a better response. 

It allowed me to step back, become curious, and ask questions like: How did I want to experience this presentation?

I wanted to crush it, have fun doing it, and have a positive and meaningful impact on the audience.

The truth was I was actually excited about this! But of course, let's be honest. As the presentation date approached, I would waver. I would have moments where I was excited and moments where I was freaked out. Sound familiar? 

The more I became aware of the freak-outs, the quicker I was able to accept and allow, relax and then refocus to choose better thoughts and get back into an excited and motivated state.

Through practicing the skill of awareness, I was able to change my experience of the presentation. I actually had fun practicing and presenting it! And yes, the presentation went off really well, by the way. 

Here's what I mean by awareness: 

Watching and observing what is going on within you and around you. Awareness helps you see the current situation's reality while giving you the control to choose your reactions and better manage emotions to directly influence outcomes. 

Practicing and developing awareness is critical to overall career success. 

Awareness allows us to step back from the thoughts, beliefs, and stories controlling our actions and determining our outcomes. Awareness gives us the space to observe and make better choices, thus ultimately determining our levels of fulfillment, performance, and overall career success. 

Awareness helps reduce stress and anxiety, creating a more calm and present state. The skill of awareness allows us to be more focused on what matters, increasing our ability to hear the signal through all of the noise of today's world.

Deep learning (insight and wisdom) comes from awareness.  

All soft skills are rooted in awareness, and if you want to supercharge them, it starts with developing and practicing the skill of awareness. 

A quick example is emotional intelligence. Emotional intelligence is a key factor (arguably THE KEY FACTOR)  in career success. Observing what is going on within you (emotions, thoughts, stories, beliefs) is where emotional intelligence begins. The foundational piece of emotional intelligence is your level of self-awareness. Without self-awareness, your emotional intelligence will be limited, and thus your overall success. 

AWARENESS, AWARENESS, AWARENESS…allows you to step back, see all the chaos and then choose a better approach so that you experience life and career differently. 

At its core, awareness enables us to step back and identify what we can control. Most of us go through our days unaware of the stories, beliefs, and thoughts controlling us. Ultimately, these determine our happiness, fulfillment, and success in life and our careers. 

This is where the control lies. Instead of just reacting to the thoughts and stories in your head, basically allowing them to determine your outcomes, you can choose better thoughts. Change the channel to something more useful, to step back and observe how you're seeing and experiencing the situation. 

To develop and strengthen your skill of awareness, set up a daily practice of meditation. Meditation is the best way to get better at awareness, of being here now. There are many tools to help with this, and my favorite is the insighttimer.com app (free or paid version). 

AWARENESS, AWARENESS, AWARENESS…….

If you only take one thing away from my ramblings, take this:

What you are aware of, you can control and change.

What you are unaware of controls you. 

Yes, I still occasionally have those nights where my mind starts to spin into the dark thoughts of distress. However, once I become aware of what's happening, I can eventually smile, maybe even laugh a little and get off "The Train To Shitzville." And eventually, fall back to sleep. 

Join me today in the practice and skill of awareness. Regain some control back in how you're experiencing your life and career. You'll thank me for it. 

Flō Career & Executive Coaching - Specializing in helping professionals, like yourself, create successful, fulfilling, and resilient careers for today and the future in this rapidly changing work environment. Free 15 minute consult