Open Letter to my Expats: I AM SORRY

I'll start from the beginning, which may make this letter a bit long.

For those arriving here, I'm Fabiola, but you may call me Fabi.

I'm a Global Mobility Professional and have worked with International Mobility for over 12 years. My experience is mostly with Oil and Gas and Energy companies, and I've managed expats from about 18 different nationalities, being expatriated to over 23 countries, including Brazil.

I am a straightforward person, usually straight to the point, that I may be seen as a bit rude by my fellow Brazilians. I tend to adapt my way of communicating based on how my interlocutor will best receive the message; I do this in both my personal and professional life. I see myself as a good people reader—my therapist agrees—and I'm highly adaptable, or at least I used to think so. I moved a lot during my childhood and teenage years, from cities from homes from schools. I like to think I acquired those personality traits as a way to survive: adapting to new environments, new people, and doing so quickly.

Back to my professional background: I've had a bit more than 900 expats under my care during this time, reaching a high mark of managing more than 250 in a single year. They were from every background possible: apprentices, interns, blue-collar and white-collar workers. Singles, small families, big families, uncommon family settings, and gay families. What I want to say is, I've dealt with a wide variety of different scenarios, odd situations, challenges, and all.

As any other Mobility Professional, challenges are a regular part of the job. We deal with many issues, both complicated and simple, spanning the work and personal lives of assignees. Sometimes, we become their confidants. And like any of my peers in GM, we are well aware of cultural differences, and believe me, this is our fuel. As an average Brazilian, I LOVE to make our foreign visitors comfortable and feel welcome. We enjoy and celebrate your efforts to learn Portuguese, give you hints about our city to avoid the tourist traps—after you've seen them, of course! We indulge in your learnings, your sharing about your culture, your challenges, and how we can support you. We feel we are here to serve, and serve well. I mean, I used to think that.

Now, back to me. I've recently moved to the UK, to a small town in England. I am a pragmatic person, which means I was very aware that while I'd be excited about the new setting, it wouldn't be a honeymoon or vacation. I knew I'd see the dark side of the Force. Jokes aside, it's not all sunshine. I was and am conscious of the weather discrepancy. Leaving Rio for the rainiest city in the United Kingdom, I like it—call me crazy—but I do run away from the scalding Carioca summer. I prefer a more "stable" temperature (now my British colleagues will be sure I'm nuts). For me, cold weather is more manageable than the open-air sauna that Rio becomes for most of the year, and I'm not a big fan of temperatures above 25ºC. So, yeah, I found my place on earth to live.

Well, apart from food issues, I miss my mom's cooking and Brazilian food. Here's why I need to say sorry to my expats. Culture shock has hit me, and hit hard. Me, the person who always thought I was very adaptable, very good at reading people, able to modulate my communication style to my listener's preference (formal, informal, long-winded, pragmatic, etc.), I could adapt my speech most of the time. I can't now. I am stuck. I can't read people, I can't identify their mood and feelings, I am unable to communicate. This is driving me crazy. I had to bring this into my therapy. I'm failing at my most predominant characteristic, my personality trait. I'm an observant person, yet even though I do observe, I can't get an outcome from it.

This has been taking my sleep away for a couple of months now. I've reached out to every single person I know to help me, and even though I'm so grateful—thanks, Nathalie Pimenta and Mariana Barros —I'm still failing because I can't see actual tools to help me. I know the main differences between Brazilian and British communication (even though I thought British people would be way more straight to the point, but they do like to beat around the bush—sorry, guys, still love you all). But I'm currently unable to find a way to communicate effectively.

So, I AM SORRY to all my assignees. I've underestimated your culture shock and struggles. Even though I've always been a pro-intercultural training activist, I've underestimated everything you had to face. I probably took some of your concerns lightly, which might have impacted your overall experience. I AM SORRY I took for granted that your team and colleagues would welcome you and know how to handle having a diverse cultural colleague or leader. I AM SORRY I considered you lucky (still do) that you were coming from Snowland to Sunny Paradise, thinking it was a huge benefit. But this just made the whole shock sunny. I know now. Again, I AM SORRY!

So, if you've reached the end of this letter, testimony, will, lamentation, cry for help—you choose. Thank you. If you can help me bridge the gap with my British colleagues, please send rescue aid.

Warm (from a chilli Spring) regards,

Fabiola (Fabi)