Overcoming The Overwhelm

In the past week, I have had at least four friends tell me they feel overwhelmed.

Not busy. Overwhelmed.

I'm used to people telling me how busy they are. I've even realized that some people wear their busyness like a badge of honor, humble bragging about all the great stuff they have going on. But being overwhelmed is different. There is no bragging. There is helplessness and fear.

I was talking to one of my mentors about it this morning, and she helped me better understand the difference:

"With busyness, there is a sense of control. You are the subject acting upon your circumstances. When you're overwhelmed, you're the victim and your circumstances are acting upon you."

That's where the helplessness and fear come in. Rather than moving around and getting stuff done while you're busy, you feel stuck and drowning when overwhelmed. Obligations pile up, demands for your time and energy multiply, and your free time disappears. Your mind becomes consumed with everything you have to do, so the voices in your head take the place of any quiet time you may be able to find.

Everyone I know has felt overwhelmed at some point. The everyday obligations of work, family, friends, and community build up until it all seems unmanageable. I certainly have had my bouts. What I've learned, though, is that there are some things you can do to help when you feel it coming on:

• Prioritize - There are two steps to this part of the process. The first is to sort all of the events in your calendar, items on your To-Do List, and requests for your time into two categories - Have-To and Want-To. The second step is deciding which items on your Have-To list are urgent and which are essential. After you've taken these steps, you can prioritize your obligations: Have-To Urgent > Have-To Important > Want-To
• Set Boundaries - I have a liberal open-door policy, and I'm usually happy when one of my employees stops to see me. Sometimes, though, I'm in the middle of something on my Have-To Urgent list, and I don't have time to visit. Setting boundaries around your time and energy is essential to reclaiming control of your circumstances, and it is a skill that every good leader has honed. Let your visitor know how happy you are to see them, and ask them if they can come back at a time that works better for you. Only answer phone calls or emails if you're able to be 100% present.
• Say No - Think of this as setting boundaries for yourself. As you advance in your career, you will have more requests for your time and energy, and all of them will seem like great opportunities to promote yourself and make meaningful connections. Be selective about what you commit to, and learn to say "no" professionally. You'll find that most people will appreciate your honesty, and the opportunity will still be available when your Have-To list isn't so long.
• Accept the Limits of Your Powers - It's incredible how much time and energy I can spend worrying about things I cannot control. When you're feeling overwhelmed, it feels like everything is outside of your control. Taking care of what you can while also understanding and accepting all the things that are outside of your power is the best way to regain a sense of control over your life.
• Take Time For Yourself - This might be hard to believe, but the world isn't going to end if you don't answer an email right away. My wife says she needs to do yoga three times a week to be productive. I enjoy meditating early in the morning or reading before bedtime. Whatever you do to disconnect, dedicate some time to get away from your obligations and do something you enjoy.
• Ask for Help - Finally, get comfortable asking for help. Sometimes this means delegating something on your Have-To list and sometimes it means asking a friend to help you sort your lists. Being overwhelmed feels a lot like drowning. Asking for help is letting someone throw you a life preserver.