paid parental leave is necessary

I’m going to start this edition of Make Work Suck Less with a content warning: If you are an expecting mom and are not ready to hear about other mom’s birth and postpartum stories, please feel free to bookmark this email and come back to it when you are. It’s totally ok to want to experience all this for yourself first without being influenced by others.

This week, I was going to spend on navigating the return to work after parental leave. Resources, best practices to set boundaries, you know, the usual MWSL.

Instead, I found myself really wanting to recount my own experiences in detail as compared to the typical postpartum experience in the States.

I'm officially eight months pregnant and I think this may be my version of nesting.

let’s set the stage with some data:

• The World Health Organization recommends a minimum of 18 weeks maternity leave
• The U.S. is 1 of 7 global countries without federally guaranteed paid parental leave
• 1 in 4 moms in the U.S. return to work at just two weeks postpartum
• Only 60% of U.S. moms have access to FMLA: 12 weeks of unpaid parental leave
• On average, these moms take 36 business days of unpaid FMLA (about 7 weeks)
• Only 27% of working parents in the U.S. have access to paid parental leave

Why the data deluge?

I want to share what my first postpartum experience looked like at 2, 7, 12, and 18 weeks for two reasons: to humanize this data, and to highlight how ridiculous it is that we find that status quo at all acceptable.

two weeks

I gave birth to my first son in April 2021 (hello, pandemic baby). One day before my due date, he was a content little giant at an estimated 10+ pounds with zero intentions of making an appearance anytime soon. Thus, we scheduled a C-section. By that point, I’d been on paid leave for 4+ weeks. And good thing, because I could barely walk. Sitting was impossible. Laying down was uncomfortable. I was getting up to pee 8-9 times a night. Sleep was hard to come by.

At two weeks postpartum, I still needed my husband’s help to use the bathroom. My C-section wound was nowhere near healed and I was dealing with significant nerve pain in my abdomen. For those of you who’ve never seen me IRL, I’m 5’0 tall and likely would not have been able to deliver my son naturally. So they sliced through seven layers of skin, muscle, and viscera to pull him out.

Oh, and I wasn’t allowed to pick up anything heavier than my 10-pound baby. The furthest I moved was from our apartment down to the front yard for 30 minutes of sunshine. I needed help to get up and down that flight of stairs.

Thankfully, I had no trouble breastfeeding. However, my son had a voracious appetite and nursed every 60 minutes around the clock. I can only compare the exhaustion to what I felt after working 18-20 hour days for a year straight in Afghanistan. This was worse.

seven weeks

By seven weeks postpartum, the bleeding had finally stopped and my incision was an angry red scar. I was still experiencing nerve pain that made walking, and moving from a sitting to standing position difficult.

But the anxiety was horrendous. They warn women about “unwanted thoughts.” What they don’t warn you is what that can actually look and feel like. My unwanted thoughts took the shape of imagined freak accidents befalling my son. Like if motherhood was a constant viewing of Final Destination. I imagined tripping while holding him next to a fence with spiky tops. You get the picture.

1 in 7 mothers experience postpartum depression. 10% of mothers experience postpartum anxiety like I did.

It is debilitating, and because I was breastfeeding, my medication options were limited. So I pushed through.

I figured out how to produce enough extra milk overnight while nursing for a morning bottle. My husband was getting up at 5am every morning to give me a few hours of uninterrupted sleep. It helped.

twelve weeks

My postpartum anxiety had shifted into postpartum rage.That’s another one I wasn’t warned about. It’s related to other postpartum mood disorders and is characterized by intense feelings of anger and frustration. There is a hormone cliff we drop off of immediately following childbirth. The cliff is real, especially for women like myself who have a history of anxiety and depression.

My husband went back to work when our son was about four weeks old. I felt the entire weight of my new responsibilities as a mom. And particularly because we were deep into the pandemic (and my anxiety), I was pretty isolated. My days were cycles of nursing, pumping, tummy time, and watching my baby sleep. We binged quite a lot of TV during this time.

I was trying to get my strength back. We enjoyed daily summer walks around the neighborhood and to the park. Working out on the stationary bike while breastfeeding. Yes, I did that. Pre-pregnancy, I was an avid climber and I grieved for what my body could no longer do (despite the incredible thing it did).

You could still stick a whole fist between what used to be my six-pack abs. Thank you, diastasis recti.

eighteen weeks

I consider myself SO LUCKY to have received 20 weeks of employer-provided paid parental leave. Four weeks before my due date and 16 after. I also took advantage of my company’s ramp back program. I chose to return at 50% time for 50% pay for 2 months when my parental leave ended.

By 18 weeks postpartum, I’d been back to work part-time for 2 weeks. I spent the entire first two days back on the phone with IT trying to get my laptop working again. It had been bricked while I was on leave.

My son was finally sleeping eight hours straight every night in his own crib. This meant I was finally sleeping so much better. However, I still needed to wake up around midnight every night to pump milk to keep my supply up. 35-40 minutes of pumping plus another 10 minutes of storage and washing pump parts.

The baby had also got into a pretty great napping pattern which is when I got my work done. Couple of solid hours where I could focus on figuring out my new role and diving into the small projects my manager had outlined for me. She did a phenomenal job of covering for me and preventing the team and our stakeholders from overwhelming my time. I truly worked 4 hours per day. Not everyone is so lucky.

When needed, my son attended my meetings as the unpaid intern. Usually attached to my boob.

nine months in, nine months out

It takes nine months (really 10, let’s be honest) to grow and birth a human. It takes at least that long for our bodies and minds to fully heal from the experience.

And for those of us who are trying to grow our families even more, we jump from one pregnancy to the next. Between my first son, our lost boy, and this girl joining us here very soon, my body has not been my own for four years. And it will be at least another year before it is. In that time, I’m still learning, growing my career, building a network, and maturing as a human. In addition to my first priority: being a mom. That comes before everything else, always.

paid leave is a necessity

Looking back now, there is absolutely no way that I could have safely returned to work at 2, 7, or 12 weeks postpartum. I was not physically or emotionally ready for it. Going back at 16 weeks postpartum was definitely challenging, but I had the support systems in place and flexible working setup I needed to make it work.

I’m grateful for the paid leave that I received. I’m also grateful that I would have qualified for 12 weeks of unpaid FMLA, and that I could have afforded to take it.

Not every parent can.

Paid parental leave leads to:

• Better health outcomes. 47% decrease in the odds of infant and maternal re-hospitalization
• Women staying in the workforce. 1 in 4 moms leaves the workforce within the first year, and five years later, 17% are still gone. Moms with access to paid leave have only a 2.6% likelihood of quitting their job compared to 34.3% when paid leave isn’t an option.
• No increased cost for employers. 87% of employers said paid parental leave did not increase their cost. In fact, 9% said their costs decreased through decreased attrition and hiring.

It’s time we band together to fight for paid parental leave for all and stop listening to the naysayers who insist it can’t be done.

Here are some data sources if you're curious...

• 50+ Maternity Leave Statistics in 2024
• Postpartum recovery timeline by Bodily
• Access to Paid Family Leave Climbed in 2023 (SHRM)
• How Maternity Leave Affects Your Health (Forbes)
• Maternity protection: Compliance with international labour standards (WHO)

practical tips for your transition

The alarm goes off, marking the end of parental leave and the return to your professional life. But it’s not just about jumping back into work; it’s a profound transition that touches every aspect of your being. From physical recovery and mental health challenges to reassessing your work's place in your new world, let’s unpack the realities of this significant phase and explore strategies for a smoother re-entry into the workforce.

it's a balancing act

Balancing your new role as "parent" with "employee" comes with a whole new set of challenges when returning from parental leave. These are just some to consider when planning your return.

• Breastfeeding. Getting on a breastfeeding and pumping schedule that works for you, your baby, and your job definitely tops my list. Breastfeeding doesn't come easily to everyone and even when it does, your baby's needs evolve rapidly in those first few months. Keeping up your supply (especially if on the go or returning to an office) is one of the most stressful things to manage.
• Childcare. Getting comfortable with handing your child over to someone else to care for (nanny, daycare, family member) is another one that can be difficult to get used to. Understand what type of child care you are comfortable with that works for your family, and know this may change over time. For me, it was very important that we hosted a nanny share at my home so I could be around for the big moments. And then when my son was two, he transitioned to a nearby pre-school full-time which enabled me to be so much more productive and focused.
• Costs. Finding a childcare provider that meets your family's needs is one thing. Wrapping your head around just how expensive it is, is another thing entirely. The average family spends 27% of their income on childcare. It's mind boggling. So many women have told me how their entire salary went to childcare for years just so they could continue to progress their careers.
• WFH. Or, you may have decided to balance remote work with being the sole care provider. This one's a doozy and where having flexible work really comes into play. Figuring out how to work around nap times (especially as they go from sleeping practically all day to two naps to just one) is no easy task.
• New expectations. Balancing expectations, both of yourself and that of your team, of what was once acceptable (late calls, early meetings, after-hours work) is no longer possible. Frankly, work is no longer the top priority and you may find yourself asking "is this even worth it at all?"

transition tips

• Get the mental health care you need. 1 in 7 mothers experience postpartum depression. 10% of mothers experience postpartum anxiety like I did. You may need additional time off after parental leave to recover. Talk to your HR partner about using short-term disability to cover the gap and get the support you need. EAP is a great place to start, but don't be afraid to ask your community for a referral to a provider who specializes in postpartum care.
• Ask for the flexible work options you need to make it work. Start the conversation with, "As I plan my return, I’m exploring flexible scheduling that accommodates my new responsibilities. Can we discuss what options might be available?" Document these preferences in your Turnover Plan to ensure everyone's on the same page about the type of supportive return you need.
• Set boundaries. Prioritizing self-care and establishing boundaries are non-negotiables for managing your workload and new parental responsibilities. Use my Time Management Guide to carve out necessary personal and professional space in your new routine.
• Give yourself grace for not having it all figured out. None of us do, and we're all still working through it as our children grown and develop new needs and schedules.

do what works for you, your baby, and your career

Returning to work after parental leave is a deeply personal journey, filled with challenges and emotions. Armed with information, support, and clear communication strategies, you can navigate this transition more smoothly, finding a balance that allows you to thrive both at home and in your career. Remember, this isn’t just about returning to work; it’s about returning on your own terms, in a way that honors your new identity as a parent and a professional.