Pain & Weakness - Conversation Started

It’s widely said that “pain is weakness leaving the body.” It’s used throughout society for any number of reasons across a wide variety of platforms, from the Marine Corps and Bruce Lee to life, fitness, and sports coaches. It motivates us to dig in, push through, and come back stronger, but could it be that we are actually causing more harm than good by pushing this narrative in today’s society? While it certainly encourages one to be stronger, it also poses pain as “weakness.” We’ve even begun handing out trophies for showing up rather than winning. This overcorrection has made it harder for us to cope during difficult times and lessened our ability, at a critical age in development, to face adversity. Sure, we preach vulnerability and humility in public, but most of us still put a higher value on privacy in our personal lives.

Mental illness is the “weakness” I want to talk about. In 2017, in the US alone, 47,173 people died by way of suicide, up more than 30% since 1999. What’s worse is that more than 90% had an undiagnosed or improperly treated mental illness. Let’s call that 42,500 lives. These were people experiencing an extreme amount of pain that wouldn’t leave their body. Some tried medication(s) to escape their “weakness” but that didn’t work. Often, it was the side effects of these medications that convinced them that giving up was less painful than the treatment. Others self-medicated to replace their “weakness” with euphoria, only to find out this was a short-term solution which compounded the problem. How weak would you say these folks were? Without going through it, you might think it, but never say it. If you’ve been through it, you know that these folks were stronger than most of us walking around today.

Some hard truths are that 47% of adults will struggle with some form of mental illness during their lifetime. It could show up as anxiety, depression, substance abuse, an eating disorder, bi-polar disorder, schizophrenia, etc. 18% of adults are struggling with it RIGHT NOW. That’s nearly 1 in 5 adults so I’m talking about you or 1 in every 4 people you connect with today. They don’t seem weak, but they ARE in pain. 60% is the most concerning, it’s how many who will struggle completely in silence. While some get through it, many others begin to arrive late, miss appointments, withdraw from friends and family, start making erratic decisions, take bigger risks than usual, and/or act “a little off” in other ways. These people lose their friends, their job, their family, and much more because they see pain as a “weakness” they need to correct on their own. After all, it’s still widely believed that mental illness means you’re broken and unfixable.

We need to rid society of these stereotypes and start talking about this topic because it touches every one of us. Knowing that nearly 1 in 2 adults face this means that you will either need help or have the opportunity to help someone get the help they need. Mental illness does not have to come with a life sentence, but it’s much more likely to be put in the past when it’s recognized and faced early. We have to stop talking about pain as a “weakness.” Pain is your body and mind telling you there is time and opportunity to get better, be better, and/or have better. “Weakness” is the person who looks the other way instead of getting involved or the leader who terminates you rather than ask “what’s going on?”

Who am I to say this? I’m someone who’s been through it, someone who tried fix it on my own and someone who almost lost everything in the process. For some reason, I’m also lucky enough to still be here today, only now I’m ready to talk about it. What’s most interesting now is that while almost no one said anything while I struggled, they all want to tell me what they saw now that I’m writing about it (more on that soon). They were more silent than I was. I don’t fault them, nor should anyone else going through something like this right now. They don’t know how to address it because we talk about pain and mental illness in the wrong ways. What we can do is help educate them. If you’re struggling, open up and tell someone what you’re experiencing. If you know someone who is struggling, you can start the process yourself by meeting up and assuring them that their vulnerability can be their biggest STRENGTH in getting past it. No immense pain can truly be replaced by strength without a solid plan, action, and a strong support system.

Thank you for reading – Tom Fredella – tom@tomfredella.com