Parenting and a little distance

A bit of distance between a parent and child is sometimes beneficial, especially regarding complex behaviour.

 As parents, wanting to be involved in every aspect of our children's lives is natural. We want to know what they're thinking, feeling, and doing. However, sometimes it's essential to step back and give our children some space, especially regarding complex behaviours.

 When we are too close to our children, seeing the bigger picture cannot be easy. We may be too emotionally invested to make rational decisions or offer objective advice. This is particularly true regarding complex behaviours such as emotional and psychological difficulties, anxiety, depression, and suicidal thoughts. Complex behaviours can be a result of unresolved trauma and can have a significant impact on a teenager's mental health. Further, maladaptive coping mechanisms include substance abuse, self-harm, and eating disorders. These behaviours are often used to cope with emotional pain caused by trauma but can ultimately harm further. Behavioural issues are aggression, impulsivity, and oppositional defiant disorder. These behaviours can result from difficulties regulating emotions after experiencing trauma and lead to conflicts with others.

 Did you know that in the animal kingdom, some species of mothers purposefully distance themselves from their young to teach them independence? For example, in meerkat societies, the dominant female often leaves her offspring with lower-ranking females to care for, allowing the young meerkats to learn essential survival skills from others in the group. Similarly, mother bears will encourage their cubs to forage and explore independently, gradually teaching them how to navigate their environment and become self-sufficient. So, like in the animal kingdom, a bit of distance between a parent and child can sometimes be beneficial in promoting independence and growth.

 In these situations, it's wise to take a step back and let trained professionals handle the situation. This doesn't mean we should abandon our children or stop supporting them. Instead, we must recognise our limitations and seek outside help when necessary.

 For example, if a child is struggling with addiction, it may be advisable to seek help from a professional counsellor or addiction specialist. These individuals are trained to deal with these complex issues and can provide the support and guidance to help our children overcome their challenges. On the other hand, some parents feel they are the most qualified people to guide their children in difficult situations. They believe they know their children better than anyone and are in the right position to help them. In addition, parents may feel they can provide their children with more support and love than anyone else.

 Similarly, if a child is experiencing emotional or mental health difficulties, support from trained professionals - psychologists or psychotherapists - guides the types of support attempted. Professionals provide a better understanding of the child's condition and assess the effectiveness of different strategies. They can also provide more targeted interventions and support strategies tailored to the individual's needs. It is in such areas that some distance can be most helpful.

 In some cases, involving law enforcement or the criminal justice system may be necessary. While this can be a difficult decision for any parent, it's imperative to recognise that our children must be held accountable for their actions. Involving outside authorities ensures that our children receive the appropriate consequences and learn from their mistakes.

 Of course, it's critical to maintain open lines of communication with our children throughout these processes. We should let them know that we love and support them and recognise the need for outside help in certain situations. By doing so, we can help our children understand that seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness.

 While giving our children space when they struggle with complex behaviours may be challenging, it is often the right course of action. By recognising our limitations and seeking outside help, when necessary, we can ensure that our children receive the appropriate support and guidance to overcome their challenges.