Part 2: Rebuilding Trust: This Time, We're Writing About A Manager’s Guide to Overcoming Toxic Work Habits

Thank you for joining me again! Last week, our conversation about rebuilding trust in the workplace struck a chord. Many of you reached out, asking for insights on identifying toxic habits in leaders and practical steps toward healing. Instead of preaching from a pulpit, I’ve decided to share my own journey since I was the very definition of a toxic manager. Yes, you read that right.

So, let’s gather 'round as I take you down memory lane. It’s a ride filled with lessons, vulnerability, and hope—a journey from darkness to transformation. Are you ready? Let's go...

Have you ever found yourself struggling to trust your team? Do you hear from colleagues that your work habits might be unhealthy or even toxic? Do you catch yourself talking down to teammates when they make mistakes? If the answer is "yes," don't be too hard on yourself. This behavior might have been passed down from your past toxic workplaces, and I'm here to help set you free from this isolated island of toxicity that you're living on.

These are signs that you might be carrying baggage from previous toxic work environments. Recognizing these patterns is the first step towards healing and rebuilding trust within your team. Your being here with me reading this article is a significant first step.

Let's get personal...

Early in my career, I worked for small businesses where leading with fear was the norm. Mistakes were met with public shaming, and managers used these moments to assert their dominance. When I transitioned into a leadership role, I unknowingly adopted these toxic behaviors. I treated my associates poorly, ensuring they knew I was above them and keeping them limited and small.

It wasn’t until I noticed the lack of trust and the distance between myself and my team that I realized the impact of my actions. I felt isolated and alone, a direct result of the toxic habits I had inherited and perpetuated.

I was carrying the baggage of my past leaders and claiming it as my own. Recognizing this, I knew I wanted a fresh start. I was ready to do all the work to help break the cycle and work through the habits ingrained in me. Let's be honest: the bad habits weren't contained at the office; they were coming home with me, too, affecting my relationships. I was desperate to leave Isolation Island!

Trust is the cornerstone of high-performing teams, and understanding how past experiences shape our current behaviors is crucial. Managers often carry baggage from previous toxic environments, so unpacking this baggage to foster a healthier, more productive workplace is essential.

Recognizing the Signs of Baggage from Toxic Work Environments

Reflecting on my journey, I identified several signs that indicated I was carrying baggage from past toxic environments:

1.     Emotional Reactions to Feedback

I found myself becoming defensive or overly sensitive to feedback. Before someone was done speaking, I would talk over them and defend myself when I didn't need to. This reaction often stemmed from environments where feedback was used as a weapon rather than a tool for growth.

2.     Trust Issues

I had difficulty trusting team members or higher management, often stemming from betrayal or manipulation in previous roles. This lack of trust created a barrier to open communication and collaboration. I felt everyone was out to get me, and no one wanted me to succeed.

3.     Micromanagement

I tended to micromanage as a way to regain control and prevent past mistakes from recurring. This behavior stifled innovation and demotivated my team members. I was burnt out because I was doing my job plus ten others.

4.     Burnout and Stress

I experienced persistent feelings of burnout, anxiety, or stress that were disproportionate to the current work environment. These feelings often lingered from previous high-pressure, toxic workplaces.

Self-Evaluating and Making Adjustments to Unpack Baggage

To break the cycle and rebuild trust, I wanted to make conscious adjustments:

1.     Self-Reflection and Awareness

I took time to reflect on my past experiences and identify specific triggers and behaviors that stemmed from them. I am fortunate to have a fantastic talk therapist by my side who helped me understand self-awareness and how I can take steps toward healing. At-home virtual boxing classes helped, too!

2.     Seeking Professional Help

This fantastic human, also known as my therapist, helped me to identify past trauma and develop healthier coping mechanisms. Professional guidance provided the tools I needed to move forward quicker than I could have done on my own. Don't get me wrong; therapy was the last resort for me. I tried everything I could to self-correct, but my toolbox was limited by the tools I knew how to use. For me, working with someone I built trust with and who is equipped with tools to help move me forward is precisely what I needed.

3.     Building a Support Network

I fostered a supportive community within and outside of the workplace where I could share experiences and strategies for overcoming my baggage. I eventually hired an executive coach to help me grow and evolve as a leader. My circle of influence outside of work gave me what I didn't have previously: encouragement and accountability.

4.     Implementing Healthy Feedback Practices

I developed a personal feedback philosophy and practiced giving and receiving feedback in a constructive manner. It wasn't easy at first, but it was worth it. I evolved both as a human and as a Sales Leader. Healthy feedback practices helped rebuild trust and promote growth.

5.     Promoting Work-Life Balance

I set boundaries and prioritized self-care to prevent burnout and maintain a healthy work-life balance. I took more breaks, released control, allowed people to do their jobs, took vacations, and talked about what breaks looked like for me! A balanced life was crucial for my sustained well-being and productivity. Plus, I was much nicer to be around after spending one week on the beach.

Additional Insights

1.     Embracing Vulnerability

Inspired by Brené Brown’s “Dare to Lead,” I learned the importance of vulnerability in leadership. Sharing personal stories and admitting mistakes built trust and created a more open, honest work environment.

2.     Empowering Your Team

Drawing from Julie Zhuo’s “The Making of a Manager,” I highlighted the importance of empowering team members. Delegating effectively and trusting my team’s abilities fostered a sense of ownership and accountability.

3.     Continuous Learning and Growth

I adopted a mindset of continuous learning and growth. Seeking out opportunities for professional development and being open to feedback and new ideas became integral to my leadership approach.

Addressing and unpacking baggage is essential for personal growth and creating a healthier work environment. By recognizing the signs of past trauma and making conscious adjustments, I was able to heal and foster a positive workplace culture. Trust is the cornerstone of high-performing teams, and it starts with leaders who are willing to unpack their own baggage and lead by example.

I’ve been there, feeling isolated and burdened by the toxic habits I had inherited. But by taking the steps to reflect, seek help, and build a supportive network, I was able to rebuild trust and create a more positive environment for myself and my team. It’s a journey worth taking, and it starts with a single step towards self-awareness and change.

If this article resonates with you, I recommend reading:

·       “Dare to Lead” by Brené Brown - A powerful guide on vulnerability and trust in leadership.

·       “The Making of a Manager” by Julie Zhuo - Practical insights and personal stories on becoming a great manager.