Part 4: The journey to a "Stronger Mind" is a process, be prepared for speed bumps in the road.

I’ve been sitting on writing part 4 of my blog for a while now. This is probably because the last month or so haven't exactly been as good as some the others, or maybe I've not quite been as honest with myself about my journey so far. The universe has certainly thrown me its fair share of curveballs recently. 

I’ve had a couple of what I’d call moments of realisation and understanding, some may describe them as lightbulb moments. They have made me look at this journey I’m on and come to terms with the fact it’s a long process and in some ways one that has no ending, it will be something I need to focus/work on throughout my life. 

“I was looking for a quick fix and trying to put a full stop on solving any mental health issues I have been through, and I’ve found out this is not the way the cookie crumbles”.

Before I go into this I think need to highlight I know I have a great life, I have a beautiful family and I am in a privileged position. This journey has all been about me managing the stresses life has thrown at me, some of which have pushed me mentally to place where I was starting to get worried. The reason I wanted to go on this "Journey to a Stronger Mind" was to try and get ahead of any problems happening further down the line.

Lets take a look at the last 4 - 5 weeks...

I thought it was in a good place, by the time I finished Part 3 of my blog it was just after my third counselling session. During that meeting we talked about most of the usual things family, friends, work etc and honestly I felt like I’d started to run out of things to say. My counsellor gave me some hints and tips on mindfulness and meditation, then booked our next meeting for 3 weeks time (which is slightly longer than usual). We then signed off by saying if I wanted we could make the next session more of a last check in, then if I felt ok we can put a pin in any further meetings and come back to them if I feel I need them in the future. Which sounded like a sensible option to me at the time. 

Then whether it was the realisation of my counselling possibly coming to an end, the conversations I had with people over the weeks between meetings, my stress getting the better of me again or all of the above, the next few weeks between those sessions were pretty damn bumpy. I wasn’t handling things well, I was angry and I didn’t know why, I wasn’t sleeping properly, I found affection harder at home, my eczema came back, I didn’t want to speak with some of my family. Basically I felt like I’d slipped right the way back to where I started, and this time maybe even further!

I went into my 4th counselling session worried, ashamed and confused about where I was especially after I thought I’d been making so much progress. 

We talked about a number of things throughout the meeting, but here is what I thought were some of the hardest hitting topics and my key takeaways: 

• The steps we take to work on our mental health aren't linear, there will always be bumps in the road we have to not just expect them but prepare for them.
• I felt lost at work and this has been a real issue for me and not something I’ve talked about no way near as much as I should have. I didn’t want to show signs of weakness and felt like I was perhaps falling out of love with some of the things I used to love the most about my role. The key factor is I didn’t know who to turn to.
• I needed to stop looking at this journey as a standard story with a start, middle and an end point. Self-discovery is a process and as I mentioned above one that we will be on for as long as we are alive.  
• My internal narrative came into discussion for the first time and although I’m mostly a super positive soul to others. It turns out I criticise myself to a degree of self-harm. I was talking about being a failure, being weak, being selfish, being out of shape and this went on. In one way this was something that has always driven me to strive to better but in another way I was constantly beating myself up and doing what I say to others is the worst thing to do and bottling up those feelings. I felt slightly empty inside and after all we can't pour from an empty cup.

With all of the above in mind we came to the conclusion and here is that lightbulb moment I mentioned, the day I was trying to put a line in my counselling was the day we really started. 

Now we were beginning to peel back the layers..

Notice that the stiffest tree is most easily cracked, while the bamboo or willow survives by bending with the wind - Bruce Lee

This quote hit really hard as it landed at exactly the right time. I had become too rigid and I was resisting against the flow of life and this was forcing me to crack (in my case attack my usual positivity). I wanted to control everything to the point it was giving me anxiety, and the fact is there was so much I couldn't control. I needed to embrace the quote above and begin to bend with the wind.

It was at this point I was introduced to something I’ve learnt about before in leadership training but I never looked into properly until now. 

“Stephen Covey's - Circle of Influence and Control”

I needed to stop focusing on things that were out of my control and take the time to work on me, the people around me and the things I could either influence or control. I also really needed to take on projects/responsibilities that allowed me to use my skills and enjoy what I do again and step away from things that were stressing me out.

Luckily I'd been given a couple of opportunities here in IW that had started to give me a sense of purpose in work again. It was early days but I knew straight away that I now had a role in which I could make a difference, support colleagues, bring in new business and hopefully improve ways of working within the organisation. I had also decided to step away from some of the other things that had started to stress me out, I was putting myself first and making sure the things I was investing my time into were giving me the experience I want/need in my career. I will be forever grateful to IW for being so flexible and always offering me new challenges to get stuck into. The team have always backed me to do the best job I can do in any new role and in return I've given back 100% of my efforts.

Keeping myself active, positive and productive...

These are some of the things I've been doing over the past few weeks which have really helped me focus on how amazing life can be.

• My new roles started and were filling up my days with really meaningful work again.
• I ran my latest in person event Transcend Tech Manchester which saw us go on "A Journey into Media Streaming Services"
• Volunteered for the day with the The Talent Foundry on there latest Powering Potential programme for students looking to find out about pathways into careers in tech, read about it here
• Stepped up my gym work and cut back my bad eating, I'm hoping this will help me keep focussed on my goals
• I put together my latest public talk which is "Networking 101" and confirmed a speaking slot at the brand new event juniorDeveloper.careers X MoneySupermarket Group which will be taking place on Tuesday 25th April.
• Booked a last minute holiday with Katie and the kids to Egypt, where I plan to really decompress and focus on my family.
• You will see from my recommendation list below, I've really tried to dig deep into other peoples experiences and dived into loads of podcasts and books
• Went through session No.5 of my Counselling which I will talk about when I'm ready but it was 100% the hardest and scariest to date (this will be in Part 5, I've not built up the courage to talk about it yet).

All of this has been great and honestly without sounding cheesy I feel I have started to flow with the wind (the pressures of life). I've started to focus on some of my core problems now and for the first time I feel like I'm getting to real course of why I'm on this journey in the first place.

Then just as I start to get to this point a bombshell lands in my emails...

Accenture is making redundancies...

At first I thought ohhh shit this isn't good and I started to really panic. Then I took time to reflect, find out the facts, speak to my colleagues and then revert back to the Circle of Influence and Control. I can't share to much right now because I actually don't know a hell of a lot but hopefully we will start to be told more in the coming weeks. All I can do is be as positive as possible for my team, my IW and Accenture colleagues and of course for myself.

I felt I needed to add this to the blog as I wouldn't be authentic if I skipped this recent news, but whatever happens, happens as the legend Ronan Keating said

Life is a rollercoaster we've just got to ride it - Ronan Keating

Podcast and book recommendations

Here is the list of the books and podcast I've been listening to recently.

• High Performance Podcast - E180: James Clear: What you need to do today, to change tomorrow
• High Performance Podcast - E170: Courtney Black: The story I haven't told you about my fitness empire
• High Performance Podcast - E164: Adam Grant: Why you should stop trying to prove yourself and start trying to improve yourself
• The Diary of a CEO - E217: Jay Shetty: 8 Rules for Perfect Love & Amazing Sex
• Surrounded by Narcissists by Thomas Erikson
• Atomic Habits by James Clear (not read this but after his podcast is 100% next on my list)

Lets wrap this up...

So there it is, just when I was trying to a full stop on my "Journey to a Stronger Mind" the universe made me realise I'm actually only just getting started.

If anyone else is on a similar journey, I want you to you know there is no straight shot to the finish line and there will always hurdles thrown in our way. Believe in yourself, trust the process, speak to others and most of all never give up trying to being happy after all this is the ultimate goal in life hey.

Once again thanks so much for reading, as I always say this blog is a tool I am using for my personal journey but if by sharing it I can help at least one more person that means the world to me.

Thanks for reading... until next time, arrivederci