Paternity during a pandemic. A working dads tale

2020. What a year. It started so well. January 2020. I am turning 39. I have a beautiful family, with the addition of a new baby boy. I am in the third year with my employer, I have just completed two major projects with them, ones I am very proud of.

Life is good. 

For the first time in my 20-year corporate career, I am about to embark on something I haven’t done before. I am going to take paternity leave! 

Yes, me. A man. Taking paternity leave. It’s a big deal. 

When I started in corporate, all those years ago, a family was far from my mind, and paternity leave was also very far from the minds of employers. Maternity wasn’t even a thing yet, with the Maternity Leave Act introduced in 2011.

But over the years, more and more ‘employers of choice’ started having these conversations, with maternity leave coming in, and a few years after that, paternity leave.  Not everywhere, but it was happening. Some employers offered it and nobody really knew, whilst others offered it with low uptake. It was there, but not really there.   

Paternity leave wasn’t widely spoken about. In some ‘high functioning’ corporate environments, it was seen as weak, a move that would stop you from climbing that corporate ladder. It’s the same mindset that saw many of us going to work when we were sick, rather than taking the time off to recover. (Goodbye to that)

I still remember hearing stories about men broaching the subject of paternity leave with their managers. Some were laughed out of the room. Some were told it wouldn’t be a great career move. This was the way it was.

But these are different times, and after the birth of my son, I decided that I would take the paternity leave which my employer not only offered, but encouraged. 

This was scheduled to start in March 2020, and end three months later, in line with my wife returning to work. I was taking the plunge and accepting of all the anxieties that went along with it. With all the negative conditioning I have had in relation to paternity leave in the past, this was a big step for me.  

When the world changed in March last year, so did my best laid plans. Chaos ensued, and I thought it best to work through the mayhem with my team, instead of taking the leave. Given the state of play, it was too big a leap for me to take at that point in time. And my employer was grateful to have as many hands-on deck at that time while we worked through the bedlam collectively. 

Fast forward to today, March 2021. Vaccines are being rolled out, and optimism has returned. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. And finally, I’m able to take my paternity leave - an opportunity I’m extremely grateful for.

Because paternity has helped me gain a few things-

TIME- The one thing paternity has giving me is something I have severely lacked for a while, and that’s time. Time with my family, time with my son, watching him walk and run, time to play ball with him, time to tell my wife she looks pretty, time to go for a run and a swim and a stretch and not feel guilty about it, time to call my friends, time to call my mum, sister and my brother and ask him how they’re going, time to touch base with family or friends I haven’t spoken to for way to long. Time is an amazing gift. One I’ll never take for granted again.

PERSPECTIVE- The other thing I have gained is perspective. The reason I work, to gain success, is for me. I want to do the best I can in everything I do. I try each day to be better than the day before. I live my life by this. But that extra driver, that next push, is all for my family. Whilst I am constantly striving, I’ve now had the time to reflect on why I’m really pushing.

PATIENCE- The last thing I’ve learned is patience. The patience that it takes to deal with taking on the parenting duties for periods at a time solo. I’ve had to be patient in knowing that my career will still progress, even if there’s a chance my leave may delay it slightly.  But most likely it will not hinder my progression at all.

My wife, now back at work, is grateful to be able to do so. She appreciates what we went through to get to this point, and while her return to work was delayed, we got to spend more time together as a family through all this, which has been invaluable.

Writing this, I am in the middle of my paternity leave. I have not lost my work identity. That anxiety I once had about paternity leave is gone. I am in the best place I have been at home and work for a very long time.

If you’re a dad like me, and you’re lucky enough to have the opportunity for paternity, I encourage you to take it.

Have a plan, have a chat with your employer, know what you are entitled to, and find a way to make it work for yourself and your family. 

Because that is exactly what it’s for. And it’s one of the best decisions I have made.